ME: Consequence
by jt-boi
Summary: Shepard fights Saren, her past, her memories...and against a undeniable attraction to a member of her crew. Some action. Mostly angst.
1. Observations

Author's Note:

Just a quick series of episodes chronicling the events of Mass Effect. I hope to also create a similar series for ME2 (and ME3...squee!). I stray from canon in some places, as do most authors here, I think, but please be kind.

Also, I would like to acknowledge all of the amazing writers in this community. Your creativity and passion for this world have inspired me to write again, and bring my canon Shepard to life on page. A world of thanks.

Bioware owns all.

**ME: Consequence**

**Chapter 1: Observations**

_A man had rather have a hundred lies told of him, than one truth which he does not wish should be told._

The Normandy was eerily still when Liara set foot outside of the lab. The lights had been dimmed and the ship was running in a low power state. Liara had initially been confused by this feature, but after a review of the ship's schematics she found that it was for the benefit of the human crewmembers. Even though the cycles of day and night meant nothing on a starship, apparently it was quite important to human physiology. The illusion of "night" was critical to ensure that the crew reached the required amount of deep sleep cycles, even though they all slept in pods with individual environmental controls. Liara found that particularly fascinating; the asari were not nearly as sensitive as humans and did not require the same considerations. All the dim lighting did was give her a headache from squinting at her display. Liara hadn't yet figured out how to override the lab's low lighting and had been too shy to request a lamp.

She cautiously stepped out into the mess area, still uncomfortable with her place on the ship. Most of the crew still seemed to distrust her, and she found it easier to just avoid their suspicious glances and hushed tones. Liara spent most of her time in the lab, only emerging during the artificial night to stretch her legs and investigate the ship. Usually, she was the only one awake during those ventures. She took two steps before she realized that was not the case this night.

Shepard was sitting at the far mess table with her back to the lab entrance, leaning back so far in her chair that Liara was sure she would fall right over. Her black combat boots were up on the table, ankles crossed, and still gleamed despite the dim lighting. The commander's head was ducked down slightly, and it appeared as if she was reading something, pausing occasionally to sip from a steaming mug next to her. Shepard had also activated a wall panel and the sounds of a somber, atmospheric song drifted through the usually silent mess. Liara couldn't place the tune; it must be a human song, she reasoned, but it was unlike any she had heard. The intricately layered melody and delicate vocals were the complete opposite of the deafening thrashings she had assumed were the extent of humanity's musical stylings. The underlying beat was up-tempo, yet the melancholy lyrics were sung slowly, resulting in a surprising complexity that Liara enjoyed. After a few moments of listening, she discerned another distinct sound carrying through the room. Shepard was singing.

The Spectre's voice was clear and pitch-perfect, yet had a smoky quality that gave it a slight edge. She harmonized effortlessly with the vocals of the song, creating a haunting duet that Liara found completely stirring. Although Shepard sang softly given the late hour, it was obvious that her voice had enough power to fill all of the Normandy's decks if ever unleashed. Liara stood transfixed as she listened to the commander sing the mournful lyrics. The song told a story of love lost, recaptured, then lost again, and Shepard's voice conveyed the melancholy tone perfectly. It seemed like such an odd choice for the hardened commander, and in that moment, Liara couldn't believe this was the same soldier who had just defeated a krogan battlemaster mere days ago.

The song ended, and the one that followed was more upbeat. Shepard began tapping the table top with her fingers and bobbing her head slightly. Liara felt her attention drawn toward the commander's movements. Despite the dim lighting, she could plainly see the sinewy muscles in Shepard's forearm flex as she moved her hand and the tautness of her slender neck. Liara's gaze moved over the commander's broad shoulders, admiring the athletic frame of her back…

The chair hit the deck with a resounding slam that made Liara jump. Shepard was on her feet, catching the asari in her piercing gaze. Liara took a step back. She had never seen anyone move that fast.

"Doctor."

* * *

><p>Once again, Shepard was unable to sleep. The reoccurring images of the Prothean beacon, interspersed with her usual unsettling dreams of Earth or Akuze, had made it nearly impossible for her to get any meaningful rest. After a few hours of tossing and turning, Shepard finally admitted defeat. She showered and dressed, then gathered up several data pads and headed out to the mess hall.<p>

The quiet of the ship at this hour had always unnerved her; Shepard couldn't stand the heavy stillness that hung throughout the decks. Silence made her nervous. She deposited her data pads on the closest table and activated a wall panel. She scrolled through her personal files and queued up several playlists. The stillness dissipated as soft music slowly began to fill the mess hall. Nodding her head in time with the beat, Shepard retrieved a cup of coffee from the wall dispenser. She took a sip, grimaced, then promptly added an unhealthy amount of milk and sugar. Shepard wondered who should have to threaten to get a decent cup of coffee on her own damn ship. She sighed. At least it was hot.

Shepard sat and began sorting through the stack of pads, first deliberately plucking the top one off the pile and setting it aside. Shepard scrolled through the various intel she had received regarding Saren's movements for what seemed like the hundredth time. There was nothing new to be gleamed from the dry reports, and Shepard soon abandoned her project. She took a sip of coffee and looked over at the pad she had set apart from the others. The commander drummed her fingers on the table for a moment before snatching up the pad and leaning back in her chair.

Matriarch Benezia. The picture of the elegant asari filled the pad's display as Shepard skimmed the file. She had briefly reviewed the limited information on the matriarch's activities, but had not studied it in depth. Shepard told herself that she just hadn't had the time to read the report, and that even if she did it would just be a waste. No one but Benezia herself could explain her recent actions and why she was suddenly linked with a rogue Spectre. But Shepard knew there was another reason.

Liara T'Soni's resemblance to her mother was unmistakable, her features echoing the matriarch's high cheekbones and sky blue eyes. The archeologist also had a regal air about her, a distinct grace in her movements that Shepard noticed instantly on Therum. Even after her exhausting ordeal in the Prothean ruins and subsequent debriefing, the maiden had carried herself with a dignity and quiet confidence that belied her inner nervousness. It was the kind of presence that must have been imparted on her at an early age, and Shepard surmised that there were certain expectations to be had of the daughter of a matriarch. Although, the commander doubted that the particular sway of her hips was something that she had been formally schooled in...

Shepard suddenly shook her head, as if she was trying to physically banish the image from her mind. She shifted in her seat and increased the volume of her music in hopes it would distract her, but to no avail. She hadn't spoken to the doctor since the debriefing after Therum, and that was nearly three days ago. It had been easy to tell herself that she was just too busy; that her new duties as a Spectre and the hunt for Saren were taking all her attention, but Shepard knew that wasn't true. She was blatantly avoiding Liara, to the point where she even skirted reports about her mother because they just reminded Shepard of her. She thought of the asari's brilliant blue eyes, lighter than her own, but clearer and more…calm. They reflected light rather than absorb it, as Shepard's stormy sapphire eyes seemed to do. She had been drawn towards the calm pools the moment their eyes had met on Therum.

_No._

Shepard steered her thoughts away from the scientist. She was supposed to track down Saren and his geth, not swoon over some asari like a hormonal teenager. Liara had been added to the crew for her Prothean knowledge. Nothing more. The mission comes first.

The mission _always_ comes first.

She discarded the pad on Benezia, scooped up a different one, and began to doggedly focus her attention on Pressely's latest operations report. The readout began to blur, and she brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose, fighting the dull ache that had taken up residence behind her eyes ever since she had been touched by the beacon. The throbbing grew more intense as the days passed, and she idly wondered if she should have accepted Liara's offer to join minds. Despite the asari's insistence, Shepard had turned her down forcefully. There was no way in hell that she was going to allow the asari to traipse through her mind. God knows what she would turn up. Shepard didn't need anyone ripping open old wounds.

Her playlist switched over, and a haunting melody filled the mess hall. Almost unconsciously, Shepard began singing along. Her voice was soft at first, then gradually became louder as she warmed up. After a moment, the hairs on the back of Shepard's neck stood on end and she knew she was being watched. She snapped around and leapt to her feet, still holding Pressely's report. Shepard winced slightly when she realized she had slammed the feet of the chair down harder than she had intended.

Liara T'Soni stood just outside the entrance to the infirmary, with a surprised look on her face. Shepard immediately tensed, suddenly embarrassed of both her singing and earlier thoughts about the asari.

"Doctor," she said tersely, clasping her hands behind her back.

T'Soni's cheeks flushed. "C-commander, I am sorry I disturbed you. I did not realize anyone would be awake at this hour," she stammered nervously, assuming she had upset Shepard at her intrusion.

"No need to apologize, Doctor. I was just, uh, reading over some reports." Shepard stumbled over her reply. She realized she was standing nearly at attention, and forced herself to relax. The commander's gaze flicked away from the archeologist for a moment, then returned. "Would you care to join me?" she asked, gesturing at an empty seat.

Liara was taken aback by the invitation. She hadn't spoken in depth with the Normandy's commander, and it seemed like an odd time to start. Shepard's body language appeared welcoming, yet her rich blue eyes remained cold. Liara hesitated at the incongruity, but her curiosity got the better of her. "I would. Thank you." She strode over and took the offered seat. Liara folded her hands in her lap and fixed Shepard with an expectant gaze, considering the woman in front of her. This was the closest they had been since Therum, and Liara was surprised at how small Shepard looked without her armor. When she stood, she wasn't much taller than Liara herself, who was considered below average height for an asari. Shepard's muscular yet wiry frame hinted at a scrawny youth, which only served to intrigue Liara more. The commander had obviously learned at a young age to carry herself in such as way that she seemed a larger physical presence than she actually was. It was a neat trick that, coupled with her rugged exterior, left Liara little doubt about Shepard's capabilities.

Shepard sat back down quickly and leaned forward, resting her forearms on the table. She took a moment before speaking. "So, Doctor, how are you finding the Normandy?" Her fingers drummed against the side of her coffee mug.

"It is a very impressive ship, Commander." Liara returned Shepard's cool gaze. Bold sapphire eyes stared back at her, fierce and unyielding. The asari shifted slightly. "Doctor Chakwas has been most accommodating."

"Is the lab comfortable enough for you? I can find you better quarters, if you'd like." Shepard spoke in terse, clipped tones, as if she was conducting a debriefing rather than a casual conversation.

"Oh no, there is no need for that." Liara held up a hand, then returned it to her lap. "I am perfectly fine in the lab."

Shepard nodded, glancing away from Liara again as silence descended between them. "I don't see you out much," she said suddenly, snapping her gaze back to the asari. Shepard furrowed her brows, as if she had just noticed Liara's reclusiveness.

"Yes, I admit I am not entirely comfortable around the crew." She reached up and lightly touched her forehead. "I do not have much experience around humans, and…" Liara trailed off, unsure if she should finish. She shifted again under Shepard's intense gaze. She had no idea a human's eyes could be so blue.

"And…?" Shepard's eyes narrowed.

Liara sighed. "I overheard several members of the crew talking. They believe I am in league with Benezia, and am a spy for Saren." A look of distress crossed her finely etched features. "They do not trust me. I have found it easier if I just stay in the lab for the time being."

Shepard's eye's darkened like a thundercloud and a muscle in her jaw twitched. "I see. Thank you for notifying me, Doctor. There's no place for that gossip onboard this ship, and I'll see that it ends. Personally."

Liara nodded, wondering if Shepard realized her words sounded more like a threat than a promise. The commander tossed her head back to drain the rest of her coffee, and Liara's eyes widened at her first unobstructed view of Shepard's right arm. The image was something out of a nightmare: a hellish, writhing creature was emblazoned on Shepard's arm. The brightly colored serpentine body ran down the length of her bicep, standing out in stark contrast to the dark short sleeves she wore. Its head stopped just past the elbow and curved around the side of Shepard's forearm, and its gaping mouth spewed florescent acid in Liara's direction. Looking closer, Liara saw that the skin beneath the tattoo rippled and bubbled in the distinct fashion of a burn scar. She frowned slightly, but then her face lit up in recognition.

"Is that a…?" she began, pointing at Shepard's arm.

"A thresher maw? Yeah." Shepard responded, hiking up her sleeve. The thresher wrapped around Shepard's entire arm and stretched onto her shoulder, with the tip of the tail finally stopping at the base of her neck. Liara saw that the scarring extended that far as well.

"From Akuze," Liara nodded solemnly. "I read about that in your file. I cannot imagine experiencing something like that."

"Been reading up on me, have you?" Shepard cocked her head to the side, and watched as the asari's hand again went to her forehead. She wondered why Liara kept doing that.

"Y-yes, well, I was…curious," Liara stammered, her cheeks darkening. "I find you fascinating, Commander, and I wanted to know more about you. What makes you the woman that you are. What happened on Akuze is obviously a part of that."

_Fascinating._ The word reverberated through Shepard's head as she looked away from the asari and instead began focusing intently on the sediment lining her coffee mug. She wanted another cup, but something kept her rooted firmly to the table. Her hands started twitching.

"Do you mind?" Shepard didn't bother to wait for a reply, and reached into the cargo pocket of her pants to withdraw a battered cigarette case. The case was painted black and covered with a patchwork of scratches that revealed the gleaming metal beneath. An N7 logo had been affixed to the corner at one point, but now it was nearly unrecognizable. Shepard lit the cigarette and took a long drag. She exhaled out of the side of her mouth, and Liara watched the giant plume of smoke hover over them for a brief moment before it was snatched up by the air filters.

Liara was surprised to see the commander smoking; she had been aware of the devastating physical consequences of such a habit since a very young age. Surely Shepard, the pinnacle of marine fitness, was not that stupid. Liara was also confused and frustrated at Shepard's reaction to her statement about Akuze. The commander remained silent, and the only hint of emotion on her stoic face were the rolling stormclouds of her eyes. Had Liara crossed some unseen line? She knew that Akuze had to be a painful memory for Shepard, but why commemorate such an awful event with a tattoo of the thing that caused it, and then appear angry when the subject was broached? Liara wondered if her social skills had really deteriorated that much, or if all humans were this maddening. Undaunted, she decided to press on.

"And how did you survive, Commander?" Liara asked in a gentle, yet straightforward manner. She leaned forward slightly, studying Shepard as if she was a specimen in her lab.

"It's not something I care to discuss, Doctor," Shepard replied pointedly.

"And yet you have a tattoo of thresher maw on your arm," Liara said, irritated by the paradox.

Shepard shrugged. "It was that, or keep living with the scar."

Liara's furrowed her brow, struggling to reconcile the inconsistent data Shepard kept giving her. "So you cover the scar with an image of what scarred you?"

"The thresher didn't give me that scar," Shepard said quietly, glancing away. Liara's expressive eyes widened, taken aback by the admission. Her mind raced as she thought of all the things that could leave such a severe mark on the commander. She shuddered slightly when she realized that none of the possibilities were pleasant.

Shepard drew again from her cigarette, catching the asari in her cool gaze. She had gotten the sense that she was frustrating Liara, and immediately felt guilty. She hadn't meant to be so difficult. "It was luck," Shepard said, returning to Liara's original subject as peace offering. "I made it out of there through dumb fucking luck."

Liara's sky blue eyes met Shepard's, silently urging her to continue. Shepard let out a heavy sigh. She couldn't remember the last time she had spoken about Akuze. "We didn't know it was a thresher nest. Only one of them popped out, at first. By the time we had fought that one off, there was only four of us left." She stabbed out her cigarette in her coffee mug and immediately lit another one. Shepard took a long drag before continuing in a low monotone. "One of my squadmates, Drake, distracted it and we made a break for it. But there were two more that we didn't know about. They outflanked us, came up out of the ground between us and the transport. I saw them first – don't know why or how, but I just did. I dove left. Everyone else went right. So did the thresher." Shepard paused, the implication hanging heavily in the air.

"The other one went at the dropship, hit it with that acid. But it's not just acid – it's hot, too, like napalm. Cooks everything it touches. Turned that cockpit into a damn oven. There were two pilots inside. They were dead before the thresher even got to them." Shepard closed her eyes. Ferro. Wierzbowski. She could still hear their horrifying shrieks over her comm as they roasted to death in their seats. She remembered seeing their burnt husks as she snuck into the dropship hours after the threshers had left, reaching over Ferro's vivisected corpse to trigger the distress hail, the acrid smell of cooked flesh stinging her nostrils….

The throbbing in her head had returned, and Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose, waiting a moment before opening her eyes again. Liara looked stricken; her complexion had paled considerably and her bright eyes were brimming with tears. Shepard had the sudden urge to reach out and wipe away the asari's tears.

"Commander, I-I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have pressed you, I should have known that would be difficult…"

"It's okay, Doctor," Shepard held up a hand, offering Liara a thin smile. "Besides, I wanted to tell you." She reddened as soon as the words escaped her lips, embarrassed both at the unabashed admission and the truth behind it. She suddenly slapped her knee and leaned back in her chair, as if the movement would erase what she had just said. "And there you have it. Go left, you live; go right, you die. Like I said, dumb fucking luck."

Liara quickly composed herself, briskly wiping her face with the back of a hand and returning it to her lap. "Surely there was more to it than that, Commander."

"What, like a higher power?" Shepard scoffed. "That's Chief Williams' territory, not mine."

"You do not share Chief Williams' beliefs?" Liara's color had returned and she edged forward in her chair again, eyeing Shepard with the same look of scientific curiosity she had worn earlier.

Shepard's jaw tensed. "Ashley and I differ on quite a few things." Another long drag from the cigarette. "You can't survive something like Akuze and still believe. You can't grow up in the streets, fighting off men three times your size and still believe." She shook her head. "I haven't spoken to God in quite some time, Doctor. And He better hope that I never do again, because as far as I'm concerned, He's got some fucking explaining to do."

Shepard didn't realize her music had stopped, and an abrupt silence filled the mess hall after she finished speaking. It made her little speech sound more dramatic then she intended. She shifted in her seat and began focusing on a random spot on the far wall, feeling incredibly self-conscious. What was it about that woman? They had been talking for less than an hour and Shepard was already spilling her guts to an asari she barely knew. She briefly glanced over at Liara, who was looking at her with a bemused expression on her face.

"Fascinating," she repeated, actually favoring Shepard with a slight smile.

Shepard ducked her head shyly, then returned the asari's smile with the slightest hint of a grin. She stood and stamped out her cigarette. "Well, I should get back-"

Before she could finish, the Spectre was hit with a blinding flash of pain so sudden it was like a grenade had gone off in her head. She grimaced and staggered forward, her hand slamming down on the table for support. She clenched her eyes shut and pressed her other palm into her forehead. She began to sway and tried to fight off pounding waves of nausea as the pain rocketed through to the back of her skull.

"Commander!" Liara shot out of her seat and was around the table in an instant, clutching the commander's shoulder to keep her upright.

"It's…okay. Just give me a minute…" Shepard grunted through gritted teeth as she attempted to breathe through the pain. She felt a cool, delicate touch on the side of her face and the pain started to dissipate, as if someone had applied a soothing balm to a burn. As suddenly as it came on, the episode was over. She opened her eyes and was met with the asari's clear blue gaze. Shepard felt herself drawn into the deep, calming pools of Liara's eyes.

"The beacon," Liara said simply, favoring Shepard with a concerned look. "Your mind is struggling to interpret the visions and is being overwhelmed by the strain. My offer to join with you still stands. You cannot handle this alone."

Shepard's pulse quickened as the asari moved closer to her. Liara was still gripping the collar of her shirt and holding her other hand against Shepard's cheek. She was unable to tear herself away from Liara's gaze. Her hands rose unbidden from her sides and were reaching towards Liara's hips before Shepard even realized what was happening. It would be so easy to let her in, to lose herself in those brilliant eyes…

_No_. Shepard swallowed hard and, summoning every ounce of willpower she had, took a very deliberate step back. Liara's hand fell from Shepard's face as she moved out of reach. "No, thank you. I'll be fine." The commander bent down and began swiftly gathering her data pads.

"But, if it helps you – "

"I said _no_," Shepard snapped, shooting the asari an icy glare. She lowered her head and continued stacking up the pads. "You wouldn't want to go in there anyway," she added softly.

Liara took a step back and wrapped her arms around herself as if she had caught a sudden chill. A wounded expression crossed her face as she silently watched Shepard collect her things. She understood Shepard's hesitation, but the commander's sharp rebuke stung more than she cared to admit. Shepard soon straightened, pads tucked neatly under her arm, and coolly appraised the asari.

"I just need to lie down," she announced matter-of-factly. "There's a schedued briefing at 0830. I'll see you then, Doctor." Shepard spun on her heel and headed back to her quarters.

"Liara."

Shepard turned. Liara was standing in the same spot, eyes fixed upon the retreating commander. "You keep referring to me as 'doctor.' There is no need to be so formal. Please call me Liara," she said softly.

Shepard nodded, ducking her chin slightly. "Shepard," she responded, gesturing at her chest.

Liara smiled slightly at the new arrangement. "I will see you at the briefing, Shepard."

Shepard just nodded again, a faint smile of her own playing on her lips as she disappeared into her quarters.


	2. Prayers For The Dying

**Chapter 2: Prayers For the Dying**

_And at once I knew I was not magnificent..._

Liara stretched her arms overhead, arching her slender back and reaching her hands towards the ceiling of the small lab. She couldn't recall how long she had been sitting at her terminal, but to her body it felt like days. She stood, wiped at her bleary eyes, then began preparing to retire for the evening when there was a sudden chime at her door.

Without waiting for an answer, Shepard appeared in her doorway. She was wearing a dark ballcap emblazoned with the Normandy SR-1 logo, pulled down low on her forehead, but cocked slightly askew. She was idly scrolling through a data pad in her right hand, while her left grasped her ever-present coffee mug and cigarette. Liara jumped slightly at Shepard's sudden visit; the away team had returned from their mission on the moon Presrop only an hour ago, and she had assumed the commander would still be debriefing or working on reports. The asari was surprised, but she was still pleased to see Shepard, despite the late hour.

"Doc - Liara." Shepard greeted her with a curt nod, clearly needing to remind herself of their recent agreement regarding formal titles. "How are you?"

"I am fine, Shepard." Liara said, returning Shepard's nod. "Did the mission go well?"

"As well as any dealing with a deranged biotic commune, I suppose," Shepard remarked dryly. She took a drag off her cigarette and leaned causally against the entrance frame, but kept her eyes on the datapad. Awkward silence soon descended upon the small lab, as Liara patiently waited for the commander to elaborate on her statement. When it was clear that was not going to happen, she timidly broke the silence.

"Shepard? Is there something I can do for you?" Liara clasped her hands tightly behind her back to prevent her from fidgeting in front of the Spectre.

"Huh?" Shepard looked up from the datapad, but then quickly returned to the readout. "Oh, yeah. We're headed to Feros next. Should be there in about a day. I wanted to let you know that you'll be on the away team." Shepard took a drag from her cigarette, exhaled, and immediately took a swig of her coffee. "Ever fired an assault rifle before?"

Liara frowned slightly, annoyed that Shepard was apparently intent on having this conversation with the datapad instead of her. "No, I have not," she said.

Shepard nodded. "I figured as much. I'm scheduling you a training session with Chief Williams tomorrow morning. 0800 hours. She'll give you a rundown on everything you need to know."

Liara tensed slightly. Although they had barely spoken, she had the distinct impression that Ashley was none too pleased to have her aboard. Liara didn't relish the thought of spending an extended period of time with the abrasive gunnery chief, but a training session was a prudent idea. "Of course. I would be happy to attend," Liara replied as amiably as possible. She cocked her head slightly as she eyed the commander critically. Her apprehension was quickly forgotten as she took a long look at the Spectre. Shepard was clearly distracted, and, quite honestly, appeared to have lost some weight. Her uniform pants hung looser at her hips than Liara remembered them being, and it seemed as though her torso had shrunk into the casual t-shirt she wore. Shepard was not a large woman to begin with, and even a minor fluctuation in her appearance was readily noticeable to the scientist.

"Shepard, are you feeling well?" Liara ducked her head slightly, trying to catch the commander's gaze.

"I'm fine," Shepard responded tersely, her eyes still concealed beneath the curved bill of her cap. "Just meet in the cargo - "

Shepard swayed suddenly, lurching into the lab and nearly pitching over. Liara stepped forward and easily caught the commander's shoulders, propping her back up. Her eyes were shut tightly and her face twisted into a grimace. Her breathing was ragged and forced. After a moment, she raised her head and opened her eyes.

Liara gasped. Dark, nearly black circles lined the underneath of her eyes, making them appear like sunken hollows receding into her skull. The normally bright irises were dull and lifeless. A ghostly pallor cast over her features, cheeks pale and gaunt. Liara had read the reports of Eden Prime, and she shuddered when she realized this must have been what the Geth husks looked like.

Shepard's eyes narrowed. "Your concern is noted," she grumbled. She tried to step away from the asari, but Liara tightened her grip. She felt a sudden surge of anger at the commander. How could she have let her condition deteriorate this much? Didn't she realize how much the crew depended on her? How much was at stake? Liara turned Shepard around and forcibly sat her down on the small cot where the asari slept. Shepard's exhaustion was evident; Liara was able to easily steer the commander, even though the well trained Marine could have thrown her across the lab if she wanted to.

"Tell me, commander, are all humans this stubborn? Or is it a personality trait unique to you?" Liara asked, standing over Shepard, eyes flashing. She reached down and deftly plucked the lit cigarette from the commander's lips, tossed it unceremoniously into the lukewarm coffee and placed the mug on her desk. She rolled her chair over the cot and sat down across from the other woman.

Shepard sighed and removed her cap, tossing it casually onto the bedding. She ran her hands through her hair several times, then roughly scrubbed her face with her open palms. She stared blankly at the deck, her shoulders slumped forward in defeat and exhaustion. "My head feels like it's being split in half," she muttered, deliberately avoiding the asari's gaze. "I can't sleep...the beacon..."

"I know, Shepard," Liara spoke the commander's name softly, yet firmly. "Please let me help you." She moved closer and leaned forward slightly. Their knees were almost touching. Shepard raised her head. Dark sapphire irises met the asari's shining crystal blue eyes. Her gaunt features were pulled down into a worried frown.

"Your mind is being pulled apart by these images. We need to do something before you are completely incapacitated. Or worse." Liara paused for a moment, but kept her gaze trained on the woman before her. "That is all I wish to do. Whatever I might see or experience...I promise it will just remain between us. Will you trust me, Shepard?"

Shepard's eyes flashed brightly, and Liara felt as if a surge of electricity passed through her. She locked onto the asari with an intense look, then dropped her head again. Liara wasn't sure what Shepard had intended to convey, but slowly inched forward, moving ever so slightly closer to the commander. Her whole body tensed as she waited for a reaction from Shepard, but the commander made no protest. Later, when she would again be alone in the lab, she would reflect upon this moment and still would not be able to explain her actions. She didn't know what possessed her, or why she thought it was necessary, but after some consideration, she reached out her hand and placed it on Shepard's head.

Shepard sighed, and moved into the asari's touch. Liara could sense the tension drain from the commander's body as she ran her slender fingers through the short curls. Her hair was slightly matted from the baseball cap, but was still thick and surprisingly soft. Liara had never felt anything like it before. She was mesmerized both by the sensation and how much her mere touch seemed to comfort the commander. Even though the meld did not require physical contact, her hand remained where it was as she took several deep breaths. She felt Shepard do the same. Her fingers tightened around the copper curls as her eyes shifted to obsidian.

"Embrace eternity."

* * *

><p>The first thing she is aware of is the heat.<p>

Staggering, choking heat.

Liara gasps, tries to take in air when there is none. She drops to one knee, whirls around, sees only faint shapes in the darkness. She begins to cough. It feels as if she's standing in the crater of an active volcano. She feels the roiling magma beneath her fee as it churns just below the surface. She still cannot breathe.

She is only vaguely aware of Shepard. The commander's presence is there, but distant. She offers no guidance, no direction. Liara has never experienced this before, but soon realizes her mistake. She assumes the Prothean images would be shown to her, that the work would be obvious, but she is wrong.

The darkness gives way to light. Liara can breathe again. She is standing in the room of a modest home. Probably a small apartment. A woman sits alone at the worn kitchen table, sobbing silently. Liara looks around. The evidence of a struggle is obvious. Broken dishes and glassware litter the floor. Chairs upended and callously thrown into the living area. A pan rests upside down, near her feet, plain noodles strewn about the floor. Liara takes a cautious step towards the woman. Her face is badly bruised and swollen. A thin trail of crimson runs from her split lip. She wipes fiercely at her wounds, the salt from her tears mixing with her own blood.

A door cracks. Both Liara and the woman jump. A sliver of light is cast upon the destruction of the kitchen. A small girl emerges slowly. She wears an oversized shirt as a nightgown. The collar falls to one side, revealing bony shoulders and a thin neck. She clutches at a worn stuffed bear. Unruly copper curls fall into bright blue eyes the size of saucers. Her right arm is heavily bandaged.

Liara's heart breaks.

"Mommy?"

"Evie, honey, watch the glass." The woman moves swiftly to intercept her daughter before she steps into the kitchen. She sweeps the child into her arms and returns to her chair. Liara watches the young Shepard curl up in her mother's lap. A dazed, haunted look comes over the big blue eyes. Liara's eyes well up with tears.

"You know that Daddy loves you, right?" Shepard's mother rocks her back and forth. The young girl nods, mechanically, like she does dozens of times before. She doesn't believe what her mother is telling her.

"But why does he..." She can't quite get the words out.

"Daddy gets angry sometimes. He can't help it. But he still loves us." The woman is on the verge of cracking. Liara sees through her facade. It's a role, a game she plays for the sake of her child. But it is no longer working. She pulls away, turns the girl in her lap so they face. She keeps her arms around her.

"Remember what you were taught?" The woman chokes back tears.

Shepard - Evie - nods again. She knows her role as well. "We have to forgive people, even if they do bad things."

"Why?"

"Because then the Father in heaven will forgive you. But if you don't forgive, then you can't get into heaven." Evie says the words methodically. Her eyes are dull and withdrawn. Even at such a young age, she doesn't believe.

The woman smiles through her tears, brushes the curls off her daughter's forehead. She was beautiful once, probably before the marriage and Evie. Now she is just a hollow shell. Liara wonders how much longer the woman can keep this up. She kisses Evie's round cheek. "Yes, sweetie, that's right." Her faith is the only thing keeping her together. She reaches forward and takes a book off the table. She flips through pages that are bent and torn with use. "Which one should we do?"

Evie thinks a minute, then extends a slim finger into the worn pages. She finds her favorite. She shifts on her mother's lap as the woman begins praying softly.

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want..."

"GET DOWN!"

Liara spins around. The kitchen is gone. She's not in the apartment anymore. Her boots hit dusty ground. Rock and debris fly at her face. She is engulfed by the sound of gunfire, the cries of dying humans. Battle, it must be a battle. The dust is thick and she's choking again. A handful of humans barrel past her.

A thresher maw follows them.

More yelling. The humans - marines - dive to the ground when the thresher sweeps over them. Some are lucky. More aren't. The beast devours two of them whole, guts two more with its claws. Liara springs back, but blood still splashes at her feet. She looks around desperately, trying to find Shepard in the chaos. Instead, she hears praying.

_He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside still waters. _

She is assailed by a high-pitch whine. She drops to her knees, covers the side of her head. She can't find the source of the unholy noise. Now Liara is surrounded by Protheans, their lithe, humanoid forms rush past her as they flee their extinction. Another whine. A large, red beam cuts a swath through the crowd, killing dozens in a single pass.

_He restoreth my soul; he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. _

Searing heat again rises from the ground. The Protheans begin to burn. Liara is overwhelmed by the anguished wails. Smoke stings her eyes and they start to water. The pungent smell of burning bodies fills her senses. She hears flesh rendering as it is torn from bone. The ground shakes beneath her and she falls. Another thresher emerges from the depths, like a demon unleashed from hell. It looks like Shepard's tattoo. The thresher twists in midair, then descends upon the remaining Protheans.

_Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. _

The burning Protheans scream as they are attacked. The thresher feeds greedily, slurps charred flesh from gleaming white bone. Liara struggles to her feet, still looks for Shepard. She panics. They have to leave.

"Shepard!" Her cries are drowned out by a triumphant thresher roar.

_For thou art with me._

The red beam releases another barrage. It carves a slow arc through the Protheans towards her . She starts running. Dust fills her lungs.

_Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me._

"Shepard!' Still nothing. She clambers up a rocky hill as the beam cuts into the earth at her heels. Panicked, she tries something else. "Evie!"

The hill disappears. The heat is gone. Liara is on her hands and knees on a damp, hard floor. She feels the coolness from moist cement on her palm and it is a welcome relief. She stands. She's in a dark, empty warehouse. It's old, crumbling; catwalks that were once bolted to the ceiling now hang precipitously above her. Large windows are boarded up completely. The only light comes from a far corner. She approaches.

A slender young man sits behind a ragged desk, surrounded by monitors and printing machinery. The devices are foreign to Liara, but they look ancient. The man hunches over a display, typing frantically. Long limbs are tucked into his body to retain heat. His glasses are too large for his face and keep sliding down his prominent nose. Stick like fingers pause only long enough to push them back up again.

"You sure? You know he'll find out. Red, too." He speaks in a thin, reedy voice. Doesn't look up from the console. Liara looks to find where the statement was directed.

Shepard stands on the other side of the desk. She looks young, impossibly young. Not more than 15. The bright blue eyes of her childhood are gone. Instead they are dark, flinty, and look decades older than they really are. One hand is jammed into the pocket of her thin jacket, buttoned to the neck. The other holds a lit cigarette. Next to her, a dark-haired boy fidgets impatiently. He has swarthy features, with deep brown eyes and a heavy brow. He is taller than Shepard , but appears younger in his demeanor. He wraps his arms around his torso as he dances. Liara frowns. They are all dangerously thin. They are not dressed for the cold.

Shepard exhales a plume of smoke. "Yes." Gives her companion an icy glare. He stops moving.

"Okay." He pushes at the glasses again. "I ain't gonna ask what you want it for." A few more taps. "First name?"

"Evangeline." Shepard takes a drag, and switches hands. The other disappears into her pocket. The dark haired boy starts to snicker, but checks himself. Shepard ignores him.

"Fancy. E-V-A-N-G-E-L-I-N-E?"

"Yes."

The stick fingers dance across the console. "Last name?"

"Shepherd."

"S-H-E-P-A-R-D?" The fingers pause, waiting for confirmation. He turns. Pale green eyes peer over the large rims. Shepard hesitates. She frowns slightly, and for the first time seems unsure. She shifts her weight ever so slightly. Liara takes notice.

"Yes," she says finally.

A nod. "Birthday?"

"Don't care. Make it today."

"How old you wanna be?"

"Eighteen."

Now he is skeptical. He eyes Shepard's slight frame. "Think anyone'll buy that?"

"The fuck you care?" She snaps. Her features are hard. She seems impervious to the cold.

"Fine. Don't come crying to me if you get pinched."

The dark haired boy emits a derisive snort. "Preach here ain't never been pinched!" He puffs out his chest proudly. Looks over at Shepard for approval. She just shakes her head.

One of the printing machine coughs to life. It groans and churns in protest of the operator's commands. It is heavy and boxy, and shakes the table it sits on. Liara swears she can see smoke rising from the thing. It takes a labored breath then spits out a square card into the attached try. Shepard snatches it up, flicks on the holo-ID's display. It meets her approval. She pockets the card, then pulls half of a sandwich out of her pocket. She places it carefully on the table, along with a single credit chit. The thin, long fingers shoot forward and snatches up the food, as if Shepard would change her mind. He practically ignores the chit. Sheaprd turns and leaves without a word. Her companion scrambles to follow, casting longing glances at the sandwich.

The bitter wind slaps Liara across her cheek when she exits the warehouse. She starts to shiver. Her eyes take a moment to adjust to daylight. They're in an alley, lined with dumpsters overflowing with refuse. Crumbling buildings surround them. The skyline of a soaring metropolis stands out against the dull grey sky. The dark haired boy squeezes his arms tighter. Shepard squits, steels herself against the cold and forges ahead to the street.

They are stopped almost immediately. Three boys emerge from behind a dumpster. They can't be much older than Shepard, but they are much larger than her. They seem impossibly thick and strong compared to Shepard and her friend. Liara's pulse quickens.

"People only see Rabbit for one thing." One of them steps forward. The collar of his thick jacket is turned up against the cold. A dark knit cap sits on top of matted brown hair. A dark wooden bat dangles from his hand. "You ain't thinking about headin' off-world, are ya, Preach?" The other two, both dressed just as warmly, move in unision and reveal their weapons. A crowbar and a pipe.

The boy starts fidgeting again, tosses nervous glances from Shepard to the other boys and back again. Shepard is unconcerned. She finishes her cigarette and flicks it away. Waits to exhale before replying. "Don't answer to you, Junior."

"Not yet," Junior sneers. He moves closer. A jagged scar runs down the side of his face. His right eye is half-closed. "Red's headed upstate soon. You know who that leaves in charge." His grip tightens on the bat.

Her companion's eye widen. He wants to run, but they are backed into a dead end. The only escape is through Junior and his thugs. Shepard remains defiant.

"You think Red's gonna give it to you?" she snorts, then spits on the ground. Liara is amazed at her fearlessness. Junior and his crew could easily overpower them.

"Oh, I'll get it. One way or another." Junior's sneer curls into a diabolical smile. "And they're ain't no prayer in that book that's gonna help you when I do." He raises the bat and jabs Shepard in the chest. Liara then notices the small book poking out of Shepard's breast pocket.

_Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies. _

Shepard jerks so suddenly Liara almost misses it. She tears the bat from Junior's hand, then brings it across his face with frightening speed. The meaty thwack of the impact echoes through the alley. Junior drops to his knees and spits blood onto the ground. The two others advance towards Shepard, but suddenly stop. They both nearly walk into the business end of Shepard's pistol.

"You're gonna regret that, bitch." Junior stands slowly, wipes his mouth. Shepard tosses the bat back to him. She aims the pistol between his eyes.

_Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. _

"Get out of here," she growls. Shepard and Junior lock eyes. The pistol doesn't waver. He gestures at his companions.

"See ya around, Preach." They turn to leave. Shepard keeps her pistol drawn until the thugs exit the alley. She exhales heavily, then stashes the weapon in the small of her back.

"You ain't leaving, are you?" Shepard turns to her companion and his youthful features twist into a look of unbridled fear and worry.

"No, Trey." She slings her arm over his shoulder. It's an awkward gesture, given the difference in height, but Shepard keeps it there. Trey stops shivering. "I ain't going nowhere."

Together they walk out of the alley, to the empty street ahead. Liara dutifully follows. When they reach the sidewalk, Trey falls. She springs out of way, then gasps in horror. The back of his head has exploded, pouring blood and brain matter over the concrete. Shepard is gone.

The high-pitched whine returns. A red beam cuts across the street and gouges a trough through another building. The sky is black. The city is burning. Flames shoot out of the distant highrises. The beam swings through the skyline and cuts entire skyscrapers in half.

Commander Shepard now arrives. She stands next to Liara in her Alliance blues, as if she were in the CIC back on the Normandy. Liara could not be more grateful. She turns to the commander, but the blue eyes stare straight ahead, serenely gazing upon the unfolding devastation. Liara feels Shepard brush against her. She reaches out and takes Shepard's hand. Their fingers intertwine perfectly. Liara looks out over the burning metropolis.

_Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. _

Together they watch the world end.


	3. Zen and the Art of Rifle Mods

******A/N: **Many thanks for all the reviews and kind words. I had hoped to get this out earlier, but ME3 took the wind out my sails. As with most of us, I was bitterly disappointed by the ending, and seriously debated whether or not to devote any more time to this work. I ultimately decided that I would forge ahead, mostly because I do have a lot of fun ideas I want to play with. I also firmly believe that my Shep deserves her blue babies, even if I have to do it my damn self.

Thanks for reading. Hold the line!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3: Zen and the Art of Rifle Mods<strong>

_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart_

_I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask_

_I want to exorcise the demons from your past_

_I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart_

Liara was resting peacefully, hovering in that grey area between sleeping and consciousness. Despite her exhaustion and the graphic images that had bombarded her last night, she slept undisturbed. The traumas of Shepard's past, amplified by the power of the beacon, had not followed her once she ended the meld. Instead, she had dreamt of gardens.

The large garden had extended for acres on the T'Soni estate on Thessia. Benezia had tended to every centimeter of it herself, and in the long summer months the fruits of her labor were evident. Lush green plants bore vibrant fruits and vegetables, and aromatic flowers blossomed as far as the eye could see. As a child, Liara loved walking through the manicured paths, gazing in wonder at the supple vegetation that towered over her, thinking that her mother must have the power to create life itself from her hands. Her favorite, though, were the herbs. A small patch had been dedicated to every kind imaginable, and Benezia would sweep through daily to collect seemingly random handfuls, which she somehow folded effortlessly into extravagant dinners. Late in the day, Liara would stand just on the edge of the patch, nearly overwhelmed by the aromatics, and patiently wait for the wind to change. When it did, a slight breeze would carry the smell of the herbs through the nearby mint plant. Liara loved the how the earthy scent of the herbs intermingled with the bright sharpness of mint. It was a sensation that was unique only to her mother's garden.

Liara began to stir, idly wondering what had prompted that dream. She hadn't thought about the garden in decades. It took her a moment before she realized that she was smelling something reminiscent of those summers years and years ago. A sharp, fresh mint mixed with a slight bite of crisp basil, or maybe rosemary...layered over the delicately sweet smell of tobacco.

Liara's eyes flew open.

She had been sleeping nestled into Shepard's chest. Somehow they had managed to wedge themselves onto the narrow cot, their bodies wrapped around each other like interlocking crescents. Shepard's arm was tucked under the pillow and the other was draped over the asari's waist. Liara was grasping the collar of Shepard's soft t-shirt, her slender fingers entangled in the chain of the commander's dog tags. The thin metal pieces clinked together softly with each rise and fall of Shepard's chest.

Liara lay perfectly still, her entire body tense, as she dared not wake the commander. She didn't remember falling asleep the night before. Between the exertion of the meld and Shepard's sheer exhaustion, they must have collapsed together on the cot and slipped into unconsciousness. She was surprised that the reality of sharing a bed with Shepard was not at all unwelcome. Their bodies fit together with the kind of casual intimacy usually reserved for experienced lovers. She began to relax again as she listened to the rhythms of Shepard's deep breathing. She felt safe and protected in Shepard's arms, and doubted she could summon the strength to leave even if she had to. Liara allowed her herself the moment of selfishness, of sheer indulgence, and moved closer to Shepard, losing herself in the smell of herbs and mint and warm summer afternoons long past

Shepard's body responded immediately, even though she was still deep in sleep. Her knee straightened just enough to allow Liara to stretch out, and she stirred slightly and mumbled into the pillow. Her hand slid down to the small of Liara's back and pulled the asari into her. Liara let out a soft sigh, and was nearly asleep when she heard Shepard speak.

"Li..." The commander's voice was thick and heavy.

"Hmmm?" Liara murmured drowsily into Shepard's neck.

The Spectre flew off the cot as if she had been launched by a catapult. Liara rolled forward into the void where Shepard had been and nearly fell off the cot completely. She sat up and faced a wild-eyed and confused commander. Shepard's face was flushed and she was rubbing the back of her neck nervously, looking around at everything in the room except Liara.

"I, uh, um..." Shepard stammered incoherently, her features a mix of confusion and embarrassment as her eyes flicked between her wrinkled uniform and the cot they had shared.

Liara frowned at Shepard's extreme reaction. What did she think had happened last night? She opened her mouth to speak, but the commander cut her off before she could say a word.

"I should go," she announced brusquely, then practically sprinted out of the room. Liara watched her leave, then let out a heavy sigh. Her eyes fell to the floor, and she bent downward to retrieve Shepard's hat. She turned the odd garment over in her hands, running her fingers along the embroidered logo and frayed brim. Liara threw it onto the cot next to her, then flopped back onto her pillow and stared blankly at the ceiling, wondering what she had done wrong.

* * *

><p>Liara had been unable to sleep after Shepard's abrupt departure. Her head spun as she struggled to make sense of the images she had seen during the meld. She knew the beacon hadn't exaggerated the horrors of Shepard's past, just merely inserted itself into the tragedies. She had a sense of what the commander had experienced, but she still couldn't imagine what it was like to live with those memories every day of your life. Liara found it utterly amazing that Shepard still managed to function in spite of all she had endured.<p>

But, despite what she witnessed, her mind kept returning to the same thing: Evangeline. The name didn't fit the commander at all; it was far too formal and feminine, but Liara kept repeating it over in her head. She even said it aloud, as if trying it on for size, repeating the flowery syllables in the perfect diction her mother had instilled in her. Evangeline. No wonder the commander preferred being addressed by her chosen surname.

Liara sighed, then looked over at her clock display and decided it was finally time to get up. Although she wasn't hungry, she knew it would be prudent to eat something before her training session with Chief Williams. She quickly changed into a fresh tunic and left the lab, pausing for a moment to grab Shepard's hat and hastily jam it into her side pocket, the bill flopping against her hip as she walked.

She had hoped the mess would be empty, but knew that would be an unlikely occurrence given the time. Several crewman milled about as they finished their breakfasts and chatted briefly before the morning shift began. Kaidan and Ashley sat by themselves at the table closest to Shepard's cabin. Kaidan smiled at her when she walked by, and waved her over to the table after she had retrieved a tray of food. Liara was grateful for the invitation. She had grown quite fond of the lieutenant in the short time they had served together. He was warm, open, and quick to smile, and was one of the few people who had actually made her feel welcome on the Normandy. Liara appreciated even the smallest of gestures, of which Kaidan had made many.

This, of course, was in stark contrast to the gunnery chief. Ashley fixed her with a dark glare as soon as she sat down, and Liara inclined her chin slightly and stared right back. The human woman had not liked her since the moment she stepped onboard, although Liara could not determine why. She had been nothing but respectful and courteous to the abrasive soldier, and Liara had grown tired of the unwarranted attitude she received in return. Between Ashley, the increasingly confounding Shepard, and the rest of the Normandy's crew, Liara just found humans altogether exhausting. She swore to the Goddess that Kaidan and Doctor Chakwas were the only normal people onboard.

Ashley turned away from the asari and continued speaking to Kaidan, making no effort to invite Liara into the conversation. "It doesn't make any sense, why would - "

Kaidan rolled his eyes as he took a sip from his juice. "Why don't you ask _Liara, _Ash?" he said pointedly. "She was there." Kaidan turned to the asari idly picking at her food. "Doctor, do you think -"

He was interrupted by a loud bang, then the sounds of muffled cursing from Shepard's quarters. Kaidan tensed, then exchanged worried glances with Ashley. A thumping, repetitive beat began to reverberate through the mess.

"Well, it looks like our Fearless Leader is up," Ashley noted dryly.

Kaidan nodded. "You know, for a special forces infiltrator, she's surprisingly _un_stealthly in the mornings."

Liara smiled at Kaidan's observation. The atmosphere in the mess shifted, and Liara saw that the remnants of the crew had scattered like insects. It seemed no one was looking forward to the commander's impending arrival.

"Do you think she finally slept?" Kaidan spoke in a hushed tone, as if Shepard herself was standing over his shoulder.

"I hope so." Ashley sighed heavily and began casting nervous glances at the commander's door. "Did you see her yesterday? She almost had Adams running laps because his report was five minutes late. I've never seen her in such a shitty mood."

"Yeah." Kaidan chewed on his lower lip anxiously as he considered the weight of what he was about to suggest. "You know, if she's not better today, we really ought to have Chakwas step in..."

"And do what?" Ashley's eyes flashed, as if Kaidan's statement was a personal affront to her. "Lock her up? Sedate her? That'll go over well."

"The woman hasn't slept in a week!" Kaidan hissed, careful to keep his voice down. "Something needs to be done before -"

The door to Shepard's cabin opened with a loud rush of air, and a surprisingly fresh-faced and alert Spectre emerged. Her eyes were bright and full, her short unruly curls parted neatly on the side and brushed back off her face. Her uniform was crisply pressed and the sleeves rolled back precisely to her elbows. Even the visible portion of her tattoo seemed incandescent. She nodded brusquely at all three of them - eyes lingering on Liara for the briefest of moments - before assembling a tray of food. She took a seat at the head of the table, ignoring her companions' astonished stares.

"You look...better, Shepard," Kaidan offered, still amazed at her overnight transformation.

"Thank you, Kaidan." Shepard began mixing together her plateful of eggs, potatoes, and beans, smashing them together into an unrecognizable mush. She glanced up at Ashley. "Are we all set in the cargo bay?"

The gunnery chief nodded, just as shocked as Kaidan was regarding the commander's appearance, and also trying to figure out what in God's name she was doing with her food. "Yes. Tali and Adams installed a bank of modified kinetic barriers. They should work just fine for pistol and rifle practice."

"Good." Shepard slapped the mixture onto a piece of flatbread, folded it neatly in half, then downed it in two large bites. She leaned back in her chair and finally acknowledged Liara. "Ready for some lessons, Doctor?" she asked, coolly eyeing the asari.

Liara arched a brow at the commander. So they were back to formal titles now. It appeared that Shepard was intent on dashing any illusions the asari had of any tenderness between them. "Of course, commander. Whenever Chief Williams is ready."

Shepard nodded, then turned to Ashley and begin discussing the various weapons Liara would apparently be using, which the asari quickly tuned out. Instead, Liara's eyes were drawn to Shepard's plate. Despite her decidedly unique and chaotic eating style, there was not a scrap of food left. She recalled the image of the teenage Shepard, so gaunt and malnourished, living in a world where food was a currency, not a right. Liars glanced down at the cold plate of eggs she had been picking at and felt a sudden pang of guilt. She wondered if it bothered Shepard when her crew didn't finish their meals.

"Works for me, Ashley. I'll leave it in your hands." Liara shot out of her reverie when she realized that Shepard had stood and left the table. She watched as the commander began loading up another tray of food, speaking in discretely into an earpiece as she did so. Upon conclusion of the covert conversation, she stopped back at the table.

"I'll check in later," she said, receiving curt nods from Kaidan and Ashley. She looked over at Liara. "Good luck." Without waiting for a reply, she turned and headed toward the elevator, balancing a fully loaded plate and two cups of coffee on the tray.

"Wait, Commander," Liara called after her. The asari stood and pulled Shepard's cap out of her pocket. "I believe you left this..." she trailed off when the Spectre's eyes narrowed and turned distinctly cold. "In the infirmary," Liara covered quickly, also feeling Ashley's burning stare. "When you spoke to Doctor Chakwas."

Shepard's features softened, almost as if she was relived. "Thanks." She grabbed the cap and sat it on the back of her head, the perfectly styled bangs now sticking out from under the bill. Liara just nodded and remained standing as she watched Shepard disappear into the elevator. She wasn't sure what she hated more: the lie she had just said, or Shepard's relief at it having been told.

* * *

><p>Shepard had liked Joker since the moment they had been introduced. Although he managed to alienate a fair amount of people with his relentless sarcasm, the Spectre found his humor to be actually refreshing. He was less uptight than most of the Alliance crew she was forced to deal with, and she appreciated his carefree approach to most situations. Shepard had began spending large amounts of time on the bridge almost as soon as she was assigned to the frigate, and she and Joker had quickly become fast friends. Shepard often sat quietly, watching the stars zoom by while they were in FTL drive, and Joker did not mind the company. Shepard respected his skills and he was one of the key crewmembers that did not require constant supervision. Shepard came to trust the pilot implicitly, and began viewing him almost as an equal, deferring to him on nearly every issue regarding the Normandy's performance.<p>

Plus, the man had a gift.

Watching Joker pilot the Normandy was like witnessing an artist paint his masterpiece. Shepard had never seen a pilot more in tune with their ship before. The Normandy responded effortlessly to his every whim, and glided through space as if an extension of the man himself. Shepard supposed it made sense that, given his physical limitations, Joker expressed himself by excelling at the one thing that did not require perfect health. However, that distinction did not make his achievements any less impressive. Sometimes Shepard felt a distinct pang of jealously when she thought of the pilot's skills. It seemed that the only gift she had was a knack for chaos and destruction.

"Morning, Joker," the Spectre greeted her pilot amiably.

"Bout time!" Joker exclaimed, slapping on the autopilot and spinning around to receive his breakfast. "I'm starving."

Shepard rolled her eyes and handed over the tray, half tempted to dump it on his head. "Don't get used to it, flyboy. I'm not your fucking waitress, no matter how many double shifts you pull. Or how long it takes you to get out of that chair."

Joker snapped an exaggeratedly formal salute. "Yes, ma'am, Commander, ma'am!" he replied before tearing into the food. Shepard just sighed and plopped down in the empty co-pilot seat. She leaned back and crossed her ankles up on the console, careful not to inadvertently hit any commands, then lit a cigarette. She gazed out the main window and watched the stars while she waited for Joker to finish. Shepard's thoughts, as they had ever since Therum, drifted back to Liara, and the compromising position she had found herself in this morning. She was sure that she had been so exhausted that she had just collapsed, but was surprised that the asari had also joined her on the small cot. Shepard recalled a moment, just before waking, where she had been aware of someone's else presence in the room, and how comforting it had been. She had reached out, yearning to be closer to whoever that was, be completely enveloped in then. The Spectre wasn't exactly sure what she had experienced, but she knew that it was Liara who had given it to her.

Shepard's reverie was broken by the sound of the tray clattering to the floor and Joker slapping his hands together. She glanced over, her cheeks reddening slightly as if the pilot could read her thoughts.

"Ready?" he asked, grinning devilishly.

Shepard smiled thinly. "Bring it."

Joker cackled and made several taps on his console. A massive holo image sprang up between them, displaying a large gaming board full of words that were interlocked horizontally and vertically, a majority of which were decidedly vulgar. Both officers frowned, and the bills of their matching caps dipped forward as they each considered their own individual jumble of letters. The readout blinked rapidly at the pilot, indicating it was his turn.

"So...you look good," Joker ventured cautiously as he made a few taps. A particularly course term for a human female's reproductive anatomy was added to the board.

Shepard pursed her lips, unfazed by Joker's move. There were far worse words on the board. "Yeah, it's amazing what a good night's sleep will do..." she murmured absently as she thought.

Joker snorted. "Sure. 'Sleep'."

Shepard shot him a glare. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"Nothin', Commander!" Joker chirped.

She frowned, then returned to her letters. After a moment, she finally played.

"'Azure'? What the hell is that?" Joker squealed in protest.

"It's an asari slang term. Means pretty much the same as your eloquent selection. Thanks for the 'u', by the way. I get to dump my 'z' _and _land on a triple word score." Shepard chuckled triumphantly.

"Aw, that's bullshit," Joker whined.

"Don't bitch to me. Dirty Word Scrabble was _your_ idea. I wanted to play Battleship."

"Well, I didn't think you'd start bangin' asari just to beat me."

"I am not _banging _ anyone!" Shepard's eyes flashed.

"That's not what I heard," Joker continued, either oblivious to or blatantly ignoring the warning signs that he was headed into dangerous territory. Shepard spun in her seat to face the pilot, her face twisted into a scowl.

"What, exactly, have you heard, Moreau?" Shepard spoke in a low growl. Her eyes were dark like thunderclouds.

Joker looked over, then paled slightly when he saw the intense glare he was receiving. He backpedaled sharply, realizing too late the mistake he made. "N-nothing, really, just -"

"Just what?"

"You did spend most of last night in the lab..."

Shepard's scowl turned into a look of disbelief. "Are you _spying_ on me, Joker?"

He shrugged weakly. "There's not much to do up here during the night shift."

The Spectre brushed aside the limp explanation. She raised a lone finger and jabbed it at the pilot. "Not a word."

"Right," he readily agreed.

"I'm serious, or so help me - "

Joker raised his hands in defeat. "Okay, boss! Not a word."

Shepard eyed him for another moment before turning her chair back around, at least momentarily placated by Joker's quick surrender. They continued playing in silence, each tapping at their own displays and gradually making additions to the board above them. Shepard waited until felt that an adequate amount of time had passed to allow her point to set in with the difficult pilot, then spoke.

"That vid you sent me yesterday was disgusting."

Joker beamed, clearly glad to be discussing one of his favorite topics. "Yeah? Did you get it? It was _two_ asari and _one_ -"

"I got it, Joker." Shepard shook her head, grinning ever so slightly.

"But did you see the scene where the turian mechanic -"

"I said I got it, Joker!"

* * *

><p><em>Do you trust me, Chief? <em>

The simple words rang in Ashley's head as she considered the asari before her. Liara was struggling with the assault rifle the gunnery chief had unceremoniously shoved into her hands, and no amount of training could cover up her obvious ineptitude. Ashley sighed. She had questioned the wisdom of bringing the asari aboard, perhaps more vigorously than her rank would have allowed. Shepard had just listened to her rant with unblinking eyes and expressionless face, then asked her the simple question. Ashley was struck by the sheer matter-of-factness of Shepard's tone. The commander wasn't offended or upset that that her decisions were being questioned; instead she just asked for Ashley's loyalty. And in that moment, Ashley had realized that even though she had only been aboard the Normandy for a few weeks, she was prepared to follow Shepard anywhere. So now she was here, tolerating the asari, because she would do what her commander asked of her.

Ashley crossed her arms and watched Liara take aim at the target set up before the kinetic barrier. She tore off several shots in quick succession, and all of them sailed wildly over the bullseye. Liara lowered the rifle in defeat, and Ashley sighed heavily. They had been at this for over an hour already.

"You're pulling too hard," Ashley repeated in exasperation. She snatched the rifle, snapped in a fresh thermal clip, then handed it back to Liara. "Squeeze the trigger gently. And lean into it more. You have to absorb the recoil."

"Is this really necessary?" Liara asked, cracks of frustration showing in her usually calm demeanor. "I have been more than capable of defending myself using biotics."

Ashley brushed off her protest "If Shepard wants you to learn how to fire a gun, then it's going to happen. Again."

Liara hefted the awkward weapon, and again took aim at the target. She fired a burst of shots and was greeted with the same results.

"I told you that rifle's too heavy for her, Chief." Garrus's voice floated from over by the Mako. He was leaning against the vehicle with his arms crossed, observing the training session and offering unsolicited advice from across the cargo bay.

"The weight is fine, Garrus," Ashley replied pointedly.

"The turian doesn't know what he's talking about." Wrex's voice boomed from the opposite side of the bay. "It's too small for her! She should just charge 'em with her biotics and then finish 'em off with a shotgun."

Garrus sighed. "Not every situation can be solved with a shotgun, Wrex. There's nothing wrong with using a little finesse." The turian spoke as if he were addressing a rebellious child.

The krogan snorted derisively. "What do you know about it? You handle a gun worse than an infant hanar."

"At least I use an actual rifle, instead of just clubbing people over the head..."

Liara rolled her eyes as Garrus and Wrex's conversation devolved into their usual argument. She was acutely aware she was failing miserably at the training exercise, and having an audience to her ineptitude wasn't making her feel any better. Between Garrus's incessant chatter and Ashley's heavy sighs, she was ready to slap everyone in the bay with a singularity and call it a day. She smiled inwardly at the thought of the three hardened soldiers flailing about helplessly in her biotic field. Maybe it would impress Shepard enough to excuse her from any further training. After all, she had handled herself just fine on plenty of remote digs, fighting off pirates and mercs single-handedly. Liara was struck by the realization that she very much wanted to impress the commander. She imagined Shepard happening upon Ashley, Wrex, and Garrus suspended in mid-air, wailing in protest, while she just gave the human a cocky grin.

"Ahem." Ashley cleared her throat harshly, snapping Liara back into reality. "Again." The asari shot a pointed look at the gunnery chief, then tucked the rifle into her shoulder. More shots rang out, and a few clipped the edge of the target, although they were still nowhere near the center. It was some improvement, at least.

"You're breathing too much."

Ashley and Liara both spun around to the entrance of the cargo bay, and Wrex and Garrus paused in their argument to eye the new arrival. Shepard was leaning against the door, ankles and arms crossed, with a cigarette dangling from her lips. No one had heard her enter.

"What?" Liara asked, shaken by the commander's sudden appearance.

"You're breathing while you're trying to aim," Shepard said.

"Shepard, you're on the other side of the damned bay," Garrus said in an annoyed tone. "How can you possibly tell when she's breathing?"

Shepard didn't answer. She carefully balanced the lit cigarette on the edge of the requisitions terminal and strode over to Liara and Ashley. "If you breathe while aiming, the movement of your chest makes the rifle move and it disrupts the sight alignment," Shepard explained matter-of-factly. She nudged Ashley out of the way and stood next to the asari. "G'head." Shepard gestured at the target range, and Liara obediently brought the rifle to her shoulder.

"Just a minute," Shepard murmured. She moved back and lightly grabbed Liara's shoulders, squaring them towards the target. Then she stepped forward and reached out towards the rifle, her chest pressing slightly against the asari's back. Liara's pulse quickened as Shepard's hand closed around hers and moved it down the forestock closer to her body. The commander's hand felt rough and callused, yet her touch was surprisingly gentle. It lingered for a moment before falling away.

"Now, when you breathe there is a natural pause after you exhale." Shepard continued in a low tone. The coldness she had greeted Liara with at breakfast was gone. The rest of the cargo bay seemed to melt away as Shepard's hands lightly grazed the asari's hips. Liara felt as if the room was closing in on just the two of them. "After you breathe out, hold your breath, line up the shot, then fire. Ready?"

"Y-yes," Liara stammered.

"Okay. Deep breath."

Liara did as she was instructed and inhaled deeply. Her senses were filled with the same intoxicating scent she had experienced that morning: mint and herbs and sweet tobacco. It was enough to make her lightheaded. She let out a shaky breath, then fired.

Shepard peered out over the range. "Much better." The round had pierced the outer target circle. "Hold it a little tighter. Don't let it kick so much." The commander firmly pushed the rifle stock into Liara's right shoulder.

Any earlier illusions Liara had of impressing Shepard completely vanished. All she could register was Shepard's body pressed up against hers, and how the warmth of the commander's hands contrasted sharply with the cold grip of the rifle. She stared directly ahead, forcing herself to concentrate on the target. She dare not cast even a glance at the woman standing dangerously close to her. .

"Try it again. Breathe."

Liara inhaled as she had before, and her senses were assailed again. Goddess, that smell was irresistible. It took all of her strength not to turn and bury her face in Shepard's neck.

Ashley's eyes narrowed as she watched the lesson play out in front of her, and at how Shepard kept inching ever closer to the asari. That was certainly _not _how she had been trained. She cast a glance over at Garrus, who had delicately extracted himself from the conversation with Wrex. He looked over at Shepard and Liara, then back at Ashley, and clicked his mandibles thoughtfully.

"You alright, Doctor?" Ashley asked, noticing the slight tremble in the asari's hands. "You look a little...sick."

The chief's voice broke her trance and Liara silently berated herself for being so obvious. The last thing she wanted to do was swoon like a schoolgirl, especially in front of Ashley. She shifted the rifle pointedly. "Of course, Chief. I was just hoping that if the commander insists on standing this close, she would consider switching cigarette brands."

Liara regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth; they sounded harsher out in the open then she had intended them to be. However, they did have a welcome effect: both Garrus and Ashley nearly doubled over in laughter.

"Liara T'Soni has arrived!" Garrus started clapping in hands in appreciation. "She got you good, Shep!"

"Seriously, Shepard." Ashley wiped a tear from her eye. "They smell like shit."

Liara lowered the rifle and tossed a cautious glance at the commander. Shepard was frowning at her crew's reaction, but her expression softened when she locked eyes with the asari. She didn't look pleased, but didn't exactly look displeased, either. Liara thought she spied the slightest hint of a smile on the normally stoic commander's face.

Shepard took a deliberate step back and firmly clasped her hands behind her back, ignoring Ashley and Garrus's lingering snickers. "Whenever you're ready, Doctor."

Liara pulled the weapon up to her shoulder to rip off several more shots, and was rewarded when they struck the inner circle of the target. Even Ashley seemed impressed, as she stepped forward and clapped Liara on the shoulder. "We'll make a commando out of you yet," she proclaimed.

"So is the asari going to get all the fun, Shepard?" Wrex growled from near the workbench. He had just completed several mods on his claymore shotgun, and was practically jumping up and down in anticipation.

Shepard waved him over. "C'mon, Wrex. Nothing big, okay? I don't need you blowing a hole in my ship."

"Yeah, yeah," the krogan grunted dismissively, eagerly rumbling over to the makeshift firing range. Garrus grabbed his nearby rifle and hurried after Wrex, refusing to let the battlemaster keep the range all to himself. Shepard just shook her head when Wrex began his assault upon the various targets. She grabbed the rifle out of Liara's hands and walked over to the workbench, turning her back to the onslaught.

Liara hovered awkwardly, watching Ashley and Garrus cheer on the krogan. Despite her recent success, it appeared that she was now invisible to the soldiers, and each shotgun blast seemed to destroy the quite intimacy she has just shared with Shepard. Her gaze drifted over to the athletic frame hunched over the workbench, and before she knew it, her feet were carrying her over to the commander.

Shepard had stripped the weapon down to its skeleton and was slapping mods together so fast Liara could barely keep up. Shepard's head turned slightly at Liara's arrival, but she kept her eyes trained on the project in front of her.

"The grip's a little too big for your hand. Need to lighten the trigger pull, too." Shepard spoke in the same low, soft tone she had used while instructing the asari. It sent chills down Liara's spine.

"Thank you," was all she could think of to say.

"Of course." The Spectre picked up a small tool and began adjusting the trigger spring. Liara couldn't help but watch the lean muscles in Shepard's hand as she carefully manipulated the delicate components. She was struck again at how gentle the commander's touch could be. She stood by the bench, enthralled, as Shepard's long fingers deftly reconstructed the trigger assembly.

"Shepard," she said after a moment. "This morning - "

"What about it?" Shepard slid the assembly back onto the rifle and clicked it into place.

Liara blinked. "I was unsure if you wished to speak about what occurred..."

Shepard's hands began moving faster. The barrel was removed, swapped out for a shorter one with a stability dampener. She rammed it home with a resounding clack. "Nothing occurred."

"Then why did you appear so upset when you left?"

Clack. A magazine upgrade was added. "I wasn't upset."

Liara sighed. "You are not a very good liar."

Clack. No answer.

"Are you concerned about the meld?" Liara asked.

A loud explosion echoed through the cargo bay, and Liara felt the deck rumble slightly beneath her feet. Shepard's head snapped up and she shot a dark look at the firing range.

"Wrex! No grenades!" she yelled.

"It was just a little one!" the krogan roared back.

Shepard shook her head, then finally turned to face the asari. She put her hands on her hips and bit the bottom of her lip before speaking. "I'm not worried about the meld. I mean, it helped with the visions. I feel a lot better, but I still can't make sense of anything. Thank you, though. Truly."

"I was glad to help," Liara replied sincerely.

The commander brought a hand up and almost unconsciously began scrubbing the back of her neck, the bright tattoo rippling as her forearm flexed. She looked down and kicked at a phantom piece of debris. "And, well, as far as this morning, it's just...it doesn't look good." She raised her head to meet Liara's gaze. "Regulations and all, you know?"

"Yes, of course." The asari felt a sudden pang in her chest. "I understand." She couldn't quite articulate what she wanted with Shepard, but that didn't stop her from feeling a sting of disappointment at the commander's words. They locked eyes as something weighty and unspoken passed between them.

Another boom rocked the cargo bay, and the moment evaporated. Shepard turned on her heel and strode back toward the firing range.

"Goddammit, Wrex! _Get out of the Mako!"_


	4. Acts of Necessity

**A/N: **I apologize if it appears this ended abruptly. This chapter proved more difficult than I had anticipated, and I finally decided to put it out of its misery.

Again, thanks for all of the generous reviews and follows. I truly appreciate all of the feedback.

Also, to anonymous-requester-guy in the comments: yes, that conversation will definitely be included when I make it to ME3.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4: Acts of Necessity <strong>

_I hate you sometimes_

_But I love to be your queen_

_You are my muse_

_Got me smoking nicotine_

She is beautiful, even as she is dying.

The pistol barks three times. Mercilessly. Cruelly. Her body spasms as each round slams into soft, unguarded flesh. Thick blood spills onto the cold and unyielding floor. Her only child kneels in the pool, becomes covered in the dark wetness as she cradles the body in her arms. She begs her mother not to leave, begins to sob as life swiftly drains from the Matriarch.

Shepard's knees are weak. Bile rises in her throat. Did she cry like that when her mother was killed? She can't remember. No - she refuses to remember. She feels the heat of Liara's glare, but can't bring herself to meet the maiden's eyes. Instead Shepard looks down at the pistol. She has always been comfortable with a weapon in her hand. Now she hates how familiar and reassuring the weight is. She throws it down in disgust and walks away.

Was this the only thing she was born to do?

All she can hear is another child in mourning.

* * *

><p>Shepard sat alone in the mess hall, her boots bouncing lightly on the deck in an ineffective attempt to warm up. Another shiver snaked down her spine, and she drew herself deeper into the hooded sweatshirt. She'd had an inescapable chill ever since they returned from Noveria a day ago, no matter how many layers she wore or showers she scalded herself with. She wrapped her hands around the steaming coffee mug in front of her, wishing she could absorb its warmth and make it her own.<p>

Shepard hated the cold. It reminded her of the brutal winters she had to endure in streets of the sprawling city where she spent her youth. The wind was constant and unforgiving, sweeping off the gigantic lake and barreling through the streets like a train. It seemed no matter how far inland you moved, the wind still found you, sapping away any slivers of warmth you were clinging to. Shepard soon became accustomed to taking the grim seasonal tally of acquaintances - usually other children - who had perished due to exposure. She herself had barely survived that first winter on the streets.

But the commander knew there was another reason why she couldn't shake the chill. Her flinty eyes rested on the entrance to the med bay, and the science lab beyond. Despite Kaidan's gentle prodding, Shepard had not dared go anywhere near Liara. Rationally, the Spectre knew that she had no choice but to shoot - _to kill - _Benezia, but she was still wracked with guilt. She had taken more lives than she cared to count, but this was different. She knew what it was to have someone you loved ripped suddenly and violently away, and would never, ever wish that pain upon Liara. All Shepard could offer were mere words of condolences that just seemed to ring hollow every time she tried to vocalize them. Liara deserved more, more than Shepard could ever hope to give her.

She sighed heavily and stared blankly into the inky depths of her coffee. She hadn't doctored the beverage with her usual milk and sugar. Instead, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a flask, pouring a healthy amount of whiskey into the mug. She went to screw the top back on, but then changed her mind and added another shot. What did it matter? The coffee would still taste like shit. She took a sip and winced slightly, then began rubbing her face tiredly.

"I doubt that allowing a mere scientist to approach unannounced reflects well upon your training."

Shepard groaned inwardly. There was no mistaking the owner of the sweet, lilting voice. At any other moment, it would have been a welcome distraction, but this was a conversation she did not want to have. Shepard leaned forward and rested her elbow on the table, sliding her hand down her face to clasp her chin. Liara had sat down across from her, a serene look crossing her delicate features. There was a slight reddish tinge to her brilliant blue eyes, and the tender skin underneath them was slightly swollen.

"Maybe I'm just not that good of a marine," Shepard replied dryly.

"You are an excellent marine." Liara spoke without hesitation. Her slender fingers were wrapped around her own steaming mug. The sweet aroma of the asari's herbal tea drifted across the table. Shepard took a drink from the doctored coffee, a pungent whiff of whiskey intermingling with the smell of Liara's beverage. She didn't know what to say.

Liara took a sip of tea as the silence grew between them. She knew she would have to be the one to broach the subject of Benezia, but found herself stumbling over the words. "S-Shepard, I...want you to know...I don't blame you. For what happened."

Shepard's eyes flashed. Her hand fell from her face and landed heavily on the tabletop. "I killed your mother." Her voice was low and flat. She forced herself to look in Liara's eyes as she spoke, forced herself to witness the pain she had caused.

Liara flinched slightly at the blunt words, as if she had been slapped, but to her credit did not falter. "Yes...but that was not my mother. My mother was kind and wise, and even though we had drifted apart I knew she loved me. Saren twisted her into something she was not. He is at fault, not you." The asari let out a shaky breath, and she gazed into mug. "You...had no choice."

Shepard's jaw tensed and she turned away, feeling a sudden, irrational surge of anger. She hadn't asked for forgiveness, nor did she deserve any. Who was Liara to come to her, to offer her an absolution she could not receive? Shepard wondered if the asari would be so quick to absolve her of her sins if she knew all that the Spectre had done. "You should hate me," she stated, biting at her bottom lip.

"I considered it. Tried to, even," Liara replied softly. Shepard felt something brush against her hand and looked down. Liara had reached across the table, her delicate fingers lightly grazing Shepard's knuckles. She glanced up into the asari's luminous eyes and her anger began to ebb. "Shepard, you are burdened by so much. I know; I witnessed it. Do not carry this with you." A pause. "Please."

Shepard's gaze returned to the table. She opened her hand ever so slightly and watched as Liara's fingers slowly wrapped around hers. They were surprisingly soft, despite decades of work in archaeological excavations, and Shepard wondered what her own battered and callused palm must feel like. Liara tightened her grip, and Shepard responded with a squeeze of her own. She noted that their skin tones didn't contrast as sharply as she assumed they would. The touch lasted for only a brief moment before Shepard pulled her hand back and stuck it into the front pocket of her sweatshirt. Liara quickly withdrew hers. The usual silence again fell between them.

Shepard stared into her coffee, her brow furrowed as if deep in thought. She opened and closed her mouth several times before she managed to speak. "You know...I lost my parents, too." Her head snapped up, sapphire eyes gleaming from underneath thick eyelashes. "I understand how much it hurts. More than you know. I'm sorry, Liara." Just as she had expected, the apology felt limp and useless as soon as it was uttered.

Liara's eyes widened. "I was not aware...Goddess, Shepard, you were orphaned? I -"

"Don't." Shepard held up a hand. "It was a long time ago."

Liara shifted uneasily in her seat, and a thoughtful look crossed her face, as if she had just recognized something. "I saw your mother during the meld. She was very beautiful." She spoke hesitantly, unsure of Shepard's reaction. The commander had managed to avoid discussing the meld, even though she could tell Liara was practically bursting with questions. Shepard felt guilty dodging the subject. It wasn't the questions she was afraid of, but the answers she would have to give.

"She was." Shepard agreed. She felt a familiar gnawing come over her, and began rapidly fishing for her cigarettes.

"What happened to her?"

The question came gently, almost guilelessly, and without malice. The same way she had been asked about Akuze. Shepard couldn't get the smoke lit fast enough. She fumbled with the lighter awkwardly before it finally produced a flame, inhaling gratefully when it touched the tip of the cigarette. She met Liara's serene gaze, then closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose as flashes of memory came forth.

_It was the loudest thing she had ever heard... _

_ The gun discharged only once, but that's all it took._

_ She scrambled across the floor on hands and knees. Panicked. Sobbing. _

_ Her pursuer tripped and fell with an explosive curse. The gun skittered through the kitchen. It came right to her, as if she were a magnet. Her small hand closed around the grip, and immediately she felt comforted. Safe. She stopped crying long enough to turn and bring the weapon to bear. _

_ It wasn't even heavy. _

"Not tonight, Liara." She exhaled heavily. _And not ever_, she silently added.

"Of course. I do not mean to pry." Liara began wringing her hands nervously.

Shepard favored the asari with the slightest hint of a smile. "Yeah you do," she said lightly.

Liara smiled bashfully and ducked her chin. "Yes, I suppose so." Shepard spied a purple blush working its way up the asari's elegant cheekbones. Her smile slowly grew, but she glanced away as she felt a rush of heat creep up her own face. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Liara move forward in her seat, perhaps emboldened by Shepard's gentle teasing. "Those are not very good for your voice." She gestured at the lit cigarette.

Shepard frowned. "My voice?"

"I heard you singing several weeks ago, on the night we first talked." The asari glanced away. "Occasionally, when I cannot sleep, I come out to the mess to make a cup of tea, and...well, the walls of your cabin are not as thick as you might believe." Liara stopped herself, and quickly refocused her attention on the mug in front of her. "You have a beautiful voice, Shepard," she murmured softly.

Shepard considered the compliment. Her voice was a strange thing to be gifted with, she thought, and never quite understood why it was bestowed upon her. She never believed she actually owned it; mostly she felt like she was just borrowing from someone more deserving. Nothing about her was beautiful. She didn't create. She destroyed.

"Thanks," she replied, certain her blush was now matching the blood red stripe running down the sleeve of her sweatshirt. "People don't usually hear me sing."

"You are quite skilled, Shepard. You should sing more often." Liara looked up and caught Shepard in the brilliant, ocean blue pools of her eyes. She spoke in a soft but firm tone, as if she had just made a decision about something important.

"To you?" The offer was extended before Shepard even realized her mouth had opened. It was too late to retract anything, but she was acutely aware of the truth behind what she said. Before Liara, the commander had never had much of a desire to talk to anyone else, let alone _sing_ to them.

"I would like that." The shy smile still tugged at the corner of Liara's mouth. "Once you are finished smoking."

Shepard inclined her head, remembering the asari's comments about her cigarettes several weeks ago in the cargo bay. She exhaled a large plume of smoke, and began rolling the cigarette between her thumb and forefinger thoughtfully. It seemed that Liara was making her reconsider a lot of habits recently. "Tough to quit when you've been doing it most of your life."

"Have you ever tried?"

"Of course." Shepard drained her coffee and jabbed the cigarette into the bottom of the mug. "I once went a whole six months without a single smoke." Her chest puffed out, full of pride.

Liara cocked her head quizzically. "So what happened?"

The commander let out a short, surprised laugh. She hadn't even realized what prompted her to take up the habit again until just now. She remembered returning to the Normandy after the mission, feeling that familiar, aching need crawling up her chest and knowing it could not be stopped this time. She had made a beeline for her cabin, armored boots thundering across the deck, and tore into the duffle bag she hadn't yet bothered to unpack. Thanked god when the half-empty pack tucked into the lining was still there. She lit the stale cigarette, inhaled as if her life depended on it, and in an instant destroyed half a year of excruciating work.

Shepard stood, gathered her mug, and looked into Liara's eyes. She decided to be honest, though she didn't know what good it would do her.

"I met you."

She walked back to her cabin.


	5. All's Fair in Love and Skyball

**Chapter 5: All's Fair in Love and Skyball**

_Are you thinking w__hat I'm thinking? _

_Does your pulse quicken like mine?_

Shepard sat alone on the Normandy's bridge, leaning far back in the co-pilot seat with her ankles crossed on the control console and tapping her foot to the jazz music filling the small room. A lazy curl of smoke rose from the tip of her cigarette and drifted across the main window, as if it was attempting a half-hearted escape, and she watched as the tendril reached the protective barrier before it was snatched up by the air filters. The Spectre's flinty eyes then flicked over to a muted skyball game on the display. She idly twirled the remnants of whiskey in her glass, enjoying the familiar clink of ice cubes as she watched the powerful asari athletes tear across the large outdoor arena. She drained the rest of the liquor, then reached for the bottle sitting on the deck next to her chair and gave herself another generous pour. Her eyebrow arched as a particularly attractive member of the Nos Astra Legionnaires scored a difficult goal and was immediately mobbed by her teammates.

The distant sounds of music and laughter drifted up through the ventilation system, and Shepard allowed herself a small smile. She had ordered a stop at the Citadel to resupply and turn over Matriarch Benezia's remains, and it had become obvious that the crew was restless. Shepard knew she had been pushing everyone hard, and despite the difficult missions on Feros and Noveria they were still no closer to finding Saren or the Conduit. After another frustrating and pointless meeting with the Council, she decided everyone needed a night off. Shepard bought up nearly half the liquor supplies in the Lower Wards and, after securing several bottles of authentic Irish whiskey for herself, turned the crew loose. She shuddered at what the mess hall would look like once the party was over.

"Here you are."

Shepard immediately put out her cigarette before spinning the chair around to greet the arrival. Liara was leaning casually against the bulkhead, crossing one arm over her chest and using it to prop up her elbow. She sipped a dark red wine from an elegant crystal glass. "I believe this is the second time I have snuck up on you," she gently chastised the commander.

"Don't tell the Council. They might revoke my Spectre status," Shepard deadpanned.

Liara chuckled lightly, then lowered her eyes. Her brow furrowed as she stared into the depths of her drink. "Shepard," she began hesitantly. "I wanted to thank you for agreeing to transport my mother's body. The priestesses have assured me that she will receive the full rites on Thessia."

"Of course." Shepard frowned slightly. "Are you sure you don't want to go with her? You're more than welcome to."

"No." Liara's head snapped up. She caught Shepard in a fierce gaze, then quickly averted her eyes, as if embarrassed. "My place is here," she said softly.

Shepard nodded, then took a healthy swallow of her whiskey. "Do you like the wine?" she asked after a moment.

"Yes, thank you." Liara brightened. "It was an excellent choice. I did not think you were familiar with asari wines."

The commander shrugged. "I was told that was a good year. It's almost as old as you are."

"I see," she said skeptically. "And the fact that this came from the winery near my mother's estate had nothing to do with your decision." She smiled over the rim of her glass, keeping her eyes on the human as she took another sip. The asari licked her lips briefly and Shepard felt her pulse quicken.

"Uh, no." Shepard cleared her throat harshly. "Must be a coincidence." She took another slug of the whiskey, hoping to calm her suddenly overstimulated nerves.

"I'm sure." Liara decided to let the obvious lie go unchallenged. "Will you be joining us this evening?"

Shepard waved a hand dismissively and turned slightly to catch a glimpse of the game. "Nah. The crew doesn't need to see their commander getting drunk." She made a face as the Cyone Sentinels' all-star forward just brought her team within a goal of tying the match.

"More of these 'regulations' you are so fond of?" Liara asked pointedly. She was only on her first glass, but was already feeling the effects of the potent wine.

"No." Shepard arched an eyebrow. "It's just not good idea to get friendly with the people who serve under you." She began tapping the side of her glass nervously as she avoided Liara's gaze.

"You do not always have to hold yourself apart from us, Shepard."

The Spectre kept her attention on the skyball match. "It's better that way."

"Maybe. But I doubt your authority would be compromised if you took _one_ night off." Liara wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or Shepard's attitude that made her feel uncharacteristically combative, but either way she decided she could be just as stubborn as the commander. What was the human phrase she just learned? Two can play at that game. "Everyone is asking for you, especially Garrus." She paused to sip from her glass. "Though I have no idea why."

That piqued Shepard's curiosity. "Oh?" she said with a half-smile, turning back to the asari.

Liara heaved a dramatic sigh. "I do not understand why he is so fond of you. Personally, I find you to be sullen, moody, and a terrible conversationalist."

Shepard cocked her head playfully at the asari. "Really? I'm sorry to hear that, Doctor." Her eyes sparkled like gemstones.

"Yes. I really do not like you at all. I only came up here to secure more wine. This entire interaction has been incredibly dull." Liara grinned, unable to keep a straight face.

Shepard pretended to be wounded. "Using me for my alcohol, eh? That's awfully mercenary of you."

"Perhaps I should spend less time with Wrex." Liara pushed herself off the bulkhead, still smiling. Shepard watched her every movement as she glided effortlessly over to the co-pilot chair. "The match is on in the mess." She extended her slender hand. "Come."

Shepard collected her whiskey and allowed Liara to pull her out of the chair. Their fingers laced together instinctively as Liara lead her through the empty CIC. Shepard's cheeks flushed and she quickly dropped the asari's hand when they stepped into the elevator.

A thoughtful look crossed Liara's face and she inched closer to the commander. "You smell...different," she murmured, slightly leaning into the taller woman's neck.

"Really?" Shepard looked over at the asari and felt a shiver run down her spine.

Liara moved away. "Are those different cigarettes?" she asked incredulously.

Shepard blinked. "I thought you didn't like the other ones."

"S-Shepard, I -"

The door slid open before Liara could finish speaking and they were immediately greeted by a chorus of cheers. Shepard just blinked dumbly at the reception, still wondering how the galaxy's slowest elevator had suddenly become the fastest. She was inundated with toasts and shouts of thanks as nearly everyone in the packed mess raised their glass in appreciation of her generosity.

"All right! All right!" Shepard held up her hands, fending off the accolades. She was fairly certain her face was already bright red from the too-short elevator ride with Liara. "Just don't fucking break anything!" she yelled above the din.

The commander was pleasantly surprised to see that Normandy's entire crew was in attendance. She had assumed a few people would prefer to spend their night on the Citadel, but apparently the lure of free booze was too hard to resist. Upbeat music blasted through the comm system, and the crew milled about the entire deck, in small bunches that extended back towards the main battery. Several card games had sprung up on the far side of the mess, and were all source of a fair amount of yelling. A few tables had even been pushed aside, making room for a makeshift dance floor. The skyball game was being projected immediately to Shepard's right, and she moved to join the large group that had gathered to watch, feeling Liara fall into step beside her. Shepard resisted the urge to slip an arm around the asari's waist.

"Twenty credits says that forward's gonna score the next goal," Ashley proclaimed, gesturing at the Sentinel's statuesque captain, who was suddenly dominating the match. "Hey, Shepard. Liara." She kept her eyes glued to the screen even as she sipped at a dark, thick beer.

Beside her Kaidan sighed in his usual exasperation. "Ash, you've been watching for five minutes. You have no idea how this game is even played," he said, nursing a much lighter beer.

"Oh, I _know_," Ashley replied confidently. "That big blue chick's been pushing around all the other blue chicks. She's gonna _score_." The gunnery chief was practically giddy with bloodlust.

"She's been on fire since the end of the first half," Shepard agreed, inching closer to the screen.

"Actually, she's just a decoy." The three marines turned in surprise as Liara piped up. The asari stepped forward and pointed to the top of the screen, which corresponded to the far sideline of the playing field. "Watch the smaller player here. The forward will go up for the ball, but then pitch it to half-back to kick it in." She casually sipped her wine, as if she had just given a lecture on the finer points of Prothean culture during the Metacon War.

"Really?" Ashley made no attempt to hide her skepticism.

Liara shrugged. "It is a rather rudimentary strategy, yes," she admitted. "But the Legionnaires' best defender was injured in the first half, and the two back-pockets are woefully out of position." Even as she spoke, Shepard saw a Legionnaire with a heavily wrapped knee limping frantically down the sideline, bellowing at her teammates as the ball entered their territory. Sure enough, the Sentinel captain launched herself skyward, snatching it out of midair, but was instantly attacked by defenders on her way down. She fought one of them off with a vicious elbow, then tossed the ball to her unguarded teammate, who jogged a few steps before effortlessly kicking it between the goal posts. Shepard looked over at Liara and was greeted with a smug little smirk. A slow, lazy smile began to make its way across the commander's face.

"Damn, Liara!" Kaidan was shaking his head as if that had been the most amazing thing he'd ever seen. He nudged Ashley. "Now _she _ knows how this game is played. I should've taken that bet."

The gunnery chief ignored Kaidan's crowing. "Huh. I wouldn't have pegged you for a sports fan," she said, in a tone that hinted at a begrudging amount of respect.

"Well, skyball is quite popular on Thessia. I played until I was around 40 or so," Liara said.

Ashley and Kaidan both choked on their beers. Shepard's mind immediately began picturing Liara in the traditional skyball uniform of a formfitting sleeveless top and shorts. "You _played?" _Ashley squeaked in astonishment, just as two Legionnaires sandwiched the Sentinel's ballcarrier with bone-jarring force. The oblong-shaped ball popped loose, and a vicious scrum broke out.

"Of-of course I did," Liara replied, taken aback by her companion's reactions. "Most young asari join leagues or play on teams throughout their secondary schooling." Her cheeks begin to flush, and she looked over at Shepard, who seemed more pleasantly surprised than anything else. "I was an average player, at best," she quickly added.

"What position did you play?" the commander asked, wincing slightly as the Sentinel captain blindsided one of her opponents and sent them flying. She was still trying to reconcile the thought of the demure archaeologist playing such a violent and aggressive sport. Although, it probably explained some of the attitude Liara had been giving her tonight...not that she was complaining. Shepard's eyes traveled down Liara's slight frame, still thinking about the tantalizingly small shorts skyball players wore.

"I was a wing. I played on the outside." A sad smile flashed across Liara's face, but quickly vanished. "I was not very big, but I was fast."

Shepard noticed the expression, but decided not to press the issue. Maybe she would ask about it later. "You're just full of surprises tonight, Doctor," she said instead, her voice lowering an octave as their shoulders brushed.

Liara kept her eyes on the game. "The night is not over yet, Commander," she replied, quickly draining her wine and lightly pressing back into the human.

Ashley suddenly barreled over, wedging herself between Shepard and Liara. "That's it; you're sitting by me tonight." She threw an arm over Liara's shoulders and began dragging her towards a table. "I've got a bet going with Adams, and you're going to help me win all his money."

"Actually, I..." Liara cast a helpless look back at Shepard as Ashley yanked her away from the commander.

Shepard's smile fell slightly, and she just tipped her glass in the gunnery chief's direction. "Have fun, ladies," she said.

"SHEPARD!" The Spectre whipped around to see Garrus sitting at a table with Tali, Joker, and Wrex. Cards were being shuffled and chips rapidly divved out. The turian gestured wildly. "Get over here! We want to take all your money!"

Shepard glanced back at Liara, who was drawing large circles in the air with a slender finger, then gesturing at the match. Ashley and Kaidan watched with rapt attention. The commander refilled her whiskey and walked over to join the card game.

* * *

><p>"Are you going to bet, Shepard, or just stare at Liara's ass all night?" Wrex rumbled darkly, his annoyance evident.<p>

"Seriously, Shep, I can't tell if you want to screw her or _eat _her." Garrus remarked, as he took another massive gulp of straight turian brandy.

"I think the commander wants to eat something, all right," Joker snickered, manically arranging then rearranging the cards in his hand.

"That's disgusting!' Tali reached over her mountain of chips to slap Joker's shoulder. "Besides, she's been dancing with Kaidan all night. Shepard's too busy losing all her credits."

Shepard scowled fiercely. "Knock it off, assholes," she grumbled, staring at her cards and rapidly dwindling pile of chips. She scolded herself for being so obvious. She had been drinking far too much, and the whiskey was making her sloppy, both with her money and attentions. The commander tossed a few chips into the center of the table. "Call." She shot another look over Garrus's shoulder. Liara and Kaidan had left the skyball game a while ago and were now clearly enjoying each other's company on the dance floor. Garrus started leaning dramatically to the side.

"Would you like a better view?" he said, giving Shepard the turian equivalent of a smirk, mandibles flaring.

"Go to hell," Shepard snapped. Joked cackled beside her.

"Show 'em!" Tali ordered excitedly, after the betting round had been completed. She threw her cards down on top of the pile. Joker and Garrus groaned in unison. Wrex cursed loudly and slammed a massive fist on the table, toppling his stacks of chips. Tali just giggled as she greedily pulled the pile of chips towards her. "What's the matter, Wrex? Never lost to a quarian before?" she goaded the krogan, who just grumbled in response. Shepard was sure Tali was grinning uncontrollably behind her mask.

"Christ, Shepard, you called on _that?" _Joker shook his head as he gathered the cards and began shuffling. "It's like you're begging us to take your money."

Shepard ignored the pilot. She sipped her whiskey and glared darkly at Kaidan, who was clumsily receiving dance lessons from Liara. The commander watched as Liara threw her head back in delighted laughter, a broad, dazzling smile on her face. Her grip tightened around the glass. Since when was Kaidan funny?

"Keelah, Shepard," Tali shook her head in exasperation, still neatly organizing her winnings. The large stacks of chips were threatening to obscure her completely. "Just go ask her to dance."

Shepard just grumbled discontentedly as she scooped up the cards Joker had tossed in front of her. "Whatever." She forced herself to focus on her hand, which, as it had been all night, was not very good.

"I don't get you, Shepard." Wrex said, throwing a remarkably aggressive amount of chips into the pot. "Liara's pretty enough, as far as asari go. Strong fighter, excellent biotic. Nice birthing hips. She'd make a good mate."

The commander slunk down in her seat, utterly mortified. "God, Wrex..."

"It's true," the krogan shrugged. "And there's a rival! That's even better! Just go over there, headbutt Kaidan and grab her. Females love that kind of thing." He cocked his head, red eyes narrowing slightly as he continued his evaluation of Liara's reproductive potential. "I bet she's good for at least a dozen kids. Maybe two. Better get started."

Shepard slapped her palm against her forehead and dragged it down her face. "No one is getting pregnant tonight, okay?" she said over her companions' laughter. She glanced at her cards, then hastily shoved most of her chips into the pot to match Wrex.

The table quieted for a moment as the players studied their hands and debated their wagers. The bet soon came back to Shepard, and she threw what chips remained into the pot. She was fairly drunk now, and her resolve was failing miserably. Despite her crew's relentless mocking, she was now blatantly staring at Liara and Kaidan. A slower song had come on, and they were dancing irritatingly close to each other. Shepard felt her blood pressure spike.

"What the hell are we listening to, anyway?" She tried to sound causal, but the strain in her voice was evident. "This is a terrible song." The commander tossed down two cards to swap out, then cursed inwardly when she realized she had just inadvertently split the pair of sixes in her hand. Only a miracle would prevent her from going bust now.

"I have no idea. This is from your files, Shep," Garrus slurred, swaying in his chair.

"What? You hacked my music files?"

"We needed music, and you had the largest collection in the crew," Tali explained, idly shuffling a handful of chips. "It's not our fault you have terrible taste."

Shepard's eyes widened in disbelief. "Now you're making fun of my music?"

"Come on, Shepard." Tali placed her cards faced down and activated her omni-tool. She waved a hand as she scrolled through Shepard's more embarrassing playlists. "Look at some of these - 'Club Kicks Volume 3'? 'LoFi Epic'? The official soundtrack to 'Vaenia' and something called 'The Bodyguard'?"

Garrus shifted uncomfortably. "Those are good albums..." he muttered weakly.

Shepard just buried her face in her hands. "Would you just change the damn song, Tali?"

Tali looked as if she was going to protest, then changed her mind. "Oh, all right." She made a few taps on her omni-tool, and Liara and Kaidan's dance was interrupted by the screech of an electric guitar.

Joker bobbed his head in appreciation. "Good choice."

"Are you pyjaks done playing around?" Wrex complained, staring ferociously at Tali and her stack of chips.

"Fine, Wrex." Tali tossed down her cards, and everyone else soon followed. Wrex roared in delight and collected the pot with one sweep of his massive arm. Shepard let out a disgusted sigh and pushed herself away from the table. She cast another dark glance at Kaidan's back and went over to the kitchen to refill her glass.

"Nice playing with you, Shepard!" Joker smugly called after her. "Let us know next time you need to be relieved of all your creds."

Shepard's jaw twitched as she reached underneath the long serving bar to retrieve another bottle of whiskey, having forgone any ice cubes hours ago. Swaying slightly, she managed to start another pour when someone careened into her arm. The amber liquid sloshed over the side of the glass and ran down her hand. She scowled in annoyance at the unnecessary waste of her precious drink, and her mood did not improve when she saw who had caused the mess.

"Enjoying yourself, Lieutenant?" she grumbled as she began hunting for a rag to wipe up the spill.

Kaidan favored her with a goofy, lopsided smile. "Oh yeah! Great party, Shepard!" he said, slamming down two empty glasses right in the path of Shepard's cleaning. The commander ground her teeth as she yanked them off the bar and continued violently wiping down the countertop. "Thanks again!" Kaidan exclaimed as he considered the massive selection of alcohol before him.

"No problem," Shepard replied flatly. She chucked the used rag into the sink and leaned against the refrigerator. Her icy glare darted from the lieutenant and Liara, who was enthralled by the drinking competition that had sprung up between Chakwas and Pressley. The asari turned suddenly and their eyes met. Shepard quickly looked away.

"Umm..." Kaidan mumbled to himself, suddenly confused. He had managed to refill his pint glass, but the wine glass he had carried over remained empty. His hand hovered over several bottles, unsure of what to choose. The lieutenant's brows knitted together as he gamely tried to recall Liara's order.

Shepard rolled her eyes. "Oh, for fuck's sake." She elbowed Kaidan out of the way and deftly pulled out the correct bottle. "She's drinking this red," she said, trying not to snap as she emptied its contents into Liara's glass. "There's another in the bottom cabinet if she wants more."

Kaidan focused intently on the label Shepard was waving in his face. "Got it. Thanks, Shepard."

"Yeah," the commander muttered. She turned to throw the bottle into the recycler and was rewarded with a satisfying crash.

"I did not think humans could consume that much alcohol in one sitting."

Shepard spun back around to find herself within mere feet of Liara. The asari had joined the two officers in the narrow kitchen, and caught Shepard in the calm blue pools of her eyes. The commander looked down at her full glass and shifted uncomfortably.

"I don't usually drink this much..." She scrubbed at the back of her neck.

Liara smiled softly, not taking her eyes off Shepard even as Kaidan handed over her wine glass. "Not you. Doctor Chakwas." She nodded back at the medical officer.

Shepard peered over Liara's shoulder. Chakwas and Pressley were staring at each other across a table. A smattering of shot glasses covered the tabletop, some filled with a dangerous looking blue liquor and some empty. Chakwas grabbed the nearest full glass and tossed it back without batting an eye. She turned it over in her hand and slammed the glass down with a resounding bang. The crew surrounding her started cheering and began rapidly passing credit chits back and forth. Pressley sighed, and reached forward with a trembling hand. He took the shot and managed to place the glass on the table. The crowd hushed and everyone leaned forward as the XO began to sway precariously. Chakwas arched a brow, and Pressley immediately fell off his chair. The crowd erupted, but Chakwas merely leaned back, crossing her legs imperiously and holding out a hand to collect her winnings.

Kaidan began dancing in place, the same ridiculous grin plastered across his face. "I wouldn't worry about Chakwas. I'm pretty sure she considers brandy a food group."

Liara chuckled as the lieutenant's joke, and Shepard's expression darkened. She rooted herself against the refrigerator, drinking her whiskey and staring intensely at a random spot on the floor. Apparently unable to contain himself any longer, Kaidan grabbed Liara's hand and began pulling her to the dance floor.

"Come on, Liara, this is a great song!"

"Just a moment," the asari replied. Shepard tensed as Liara sidled up next to her. The Spectre caught a slight floral scent, perhaps lavender, as Liara leaned forward to whisper in her ear. Her warm breath ever so lightly grazed the sensitive skin of Shepard's neck.

"If you wanted to dance, Commander, all you had to do was ask."

Liara turned and in an instant was gone. Shepard was suddenly staggered by the vacuum left by her absence, and the commander watched longingly as the asari joined Kaidan. She felt a flare of anger, but managed to keep it contained as she turned and stalked back to her cabin.

* * *

><p>Liara blankly stared at her terminal screen, legs crossed and chin propped up in her palm as she idly scrolled through an old draft of one of her research papers. The party had ended over an hour ago, but she was unable to sleep. She mulled over the events of the evening, and while she had enjoyed herself, she found that she was more confused than ever.<p>

Dancing with Kaidan had been enjoyable; he was fun and refreshingly unrestrained. Liara had always appreciated his carefree attitude, and their interactions had only confirmed that. She supposed he was attractive, too, at least as far as human males go. She noticed she had been on the receiving end of several jealous glares from other female crew members, and couldn't help but feel guilty. She liked Kaidan, but harbored no romantic feelings for him. Perhaps the humans had interpreted her dancing as being overly flirtatious, and given her species unsavory reputation, Liara couldn't exactly blame them. She was still unfamiliar with human customs, and she wondered if she was expected to make her intentions regarding Kaidan clearly known to the rest of the crew. Or perhaps to one person in particular.

Liara still didn't know what to make of Shepard's behavior. She had assumed that something unspoken had passed between them as they had watched the skyball match, maybe even before that. But then Ashley had pulled her away and Shepard had apparently been content with playing cards all night. Perhaps Liara had been too subtle, or maybe Shepard wasn't as interested as the asari originally thought. And yet...

A delicious shiver ran down Liara's spine when she thought of the intense look Shepard had been giving her all evening. Every time Liara had glanced over the card table, the commander's stormy eyes were on her, full of raw, unchecked emotion. No one had ever looked at her that way before. Liara was not very experienced in these matters - although she was not entirely _in_experienced - but she knew that had to mean something. She just didn't know exactly what.

"Liara?" A familiar voice came over her private comm. Liara blushed slightly, as if Shepard had known she was thinking about her just then.

"Yes, Shepard?" she responded, trying to keep her tone as neutral as possible.

"Sorry to bother you, but could you come out to the mess for a minute? I, uh, need some help with Garrus." The commander's usually confident voice was uncharacteristically hesitant.

"What is it? Is Garrus alright?"

"Yeah, no, I need - look, can you just come out here, please?" Shepard huffed impatiently.

"One moment." Liara heaved a sigh and went to exit the lab, wondering why Shepard was being so insistent. Garrus had been drinking heavily all evening, but surely Wrex or even Ashley would be better suited to handle an inebriated turian. Maybe Shepard required her biotics, or perhaps -

Liara stopped dead in her tracks when she entered the mess hall. The bright overheads had been dimmed, as if the ship was running in its night mode. A string of track lights had been stripped from the flooring near the main battery and hung over the dance floor. Shepard stood in the middle of the floor, bathed in the soft lighting. Her hands were clasped behind her back, back straight and chin high, as if she was being inspected by a higher-ranking officer. She cleared her throat loudly, like she was about to give a formal address.

"Doctor T'Soni, would you care to dance?"

Liara was unable to contain her smile. "I would love to, Commander."

Shepard grinned crookedly and activated her omnitool. Music filled the mess as Liara briskly strode over to the human. Shepard didn't hesitate, wrapping an arm around Liara's waist and taking her hand. Liara lightly placed her other hand on the back of Shepard's neck as they began to sway to the music. The asari blushed deeply when the song Shepard chose reached the chorus.

_But don't forget who's taking you home_

_And in whose arms you're gonna be_

_So darling_

_Save the last dance for me _

"This is an...appropriate selection," Liara said. She was sure the commander could see flushed cheeks despite the dim lighting.

Shepard ducked her chin slightly. "I thought so," she replied shyly.

"And this gesture is to make up for you sulking all evening?" Liara couldn't help returning to the playful banter she had enjoyed on Normandy's bridge.

Shepard just shook her head and glanced away briefly. "Maybe. How am I doing?"

Liara moved closer to Shepard, and her breath caught when she felt the human's arm tighten around her waist. "N-not bad. It's just a shame the rest of the crew could not witness this."

"Well, Garrus is right over there." Shepard deftly spun Liara around to give her a better view. The turian still sat at the card table, bent over in his seat. His forehead was plastered to the tabletop and his arms dangled limply at his sides. His mandibles twitched with every labored breath.

Liara couldn't help but laugh. "Goddess, how much did he drink?"

"All of it," Shepard replied dryly. Liara laughed again, still looking at the turian. She shook her head in disbelief.

"Shepard, how are you possibly - "

"Evan."

The asari turned back to Shepard, and was met by the same intense look the commander had given her earlier. "What?"

"My name...it's Evan," Shepard said. Liara's heart started pounding as she was drawn into the deep, dark sapphire eyes. Shepard's hand curled around the asari's, and slowly drew it in to rest on the human's chest. Liara felt rapid thumping beneath her palm that mirrored her own rhythm.

"Why did you wait so long to ask me, Evan?" Liara's voice was barely above a whisper. She saw Shepard blush, and the commander bit her lower lip.

"Sometimes we don't do things so that other people won't know how badly we want to do them," Shepard said softly, glancing away.

Liara almost laughed at the absurdity of the statement, but was distracted as Shepard's hand slid down the small of her back. She could feel the heat of the human's touch through her lab coat. "What is it that you want to do so badly?" Liara's hand slowly migrated up Shepard's neck and she tangled her fingers in the thick curls, eliciting an instinctive sigh from the commander. It became crystal clear to the asari that this wasn't about her dancing with Kaidan.

It had _never_ been about dancing.

The song had stopped long ago, but they didn't care. Shepard circled her other arm around Liara, drawing her in so that their foreheads were touching. Liara grasped at Shepard's chest, clutching a fistful of her uniform shirt, as she lost herself again in that amazing smell of mint and herbs. She pulled Shepard's head down towards her, their lips achingly close.

The scrape of a chair against the deck was as loud as a concussive blast. Shepard jumped a foot in the air and immediately pulled away from Liara. The asari frowned and shot a pointed look at the source of the interruption.

Garrus had somehow managed to haul himself to his feet, but was swaying precipitously. "Shepard. Liara." He greeted them both with a curt nod, then attempted to walk towards the elevator. His shins struck the chair he had just been sitting on and he nearly tumbled over. Shepard rushed over and slung the turian's arm over her shoulders. She grunted as he put almost his full weight into her. She steered him to another seat and sat him down heavily. Garrus began groaning and rocking back and forth.

"I'm sorry." Shepard gave Liara an apologetic look. "I think I ought to keep an eye on him."

Liara walked over and placed a hand on Shepard's arm. "I could stay up with you."

Shepard looked down at the asari's hand, but then quickly darted away when Garrus nearly pitched over in his seat. She sat him back up with a mighty push. "Thanks, but I think this might take awhile. You should get some rest." Shepard stood over Garrus with her hands on her hips.

"Are you sure?"

"Ever seen a turian get sick?" Shepard smiled wryly at Liara. "Just hand me that ice bucket and run away before you're scarred for life."

Liara laughed and retrieved the bucket, meeting Shepard's eyes for a long moment. "Thank you for the dance."

Shepard reached out and gently squeezed the asari's hand. "Anytime," she murmured.

Liara returned the gesture, then turned to leave. She was almost through the entrance to the infirmary when she was struck by something. She leaned halfway out the doorway and looked back at the commander.

"Evan, why did you really change cigarettes?" she asked.

Shepard didn't answer, instead giving her the same wry, little smile. "Goodnight, Liara."

The asari just smiled and shook her head, disappearing into the infirmary. Shepard watched her leave, then sighed and looked down at Garrus. Surprisingly, it seemed he was at least vaguely aware of his surroundings.

"Really, Garrus? _Now_ you fucking wake up?" Shepard shoved the bucket into his hands and pulled up a seat next to him.

"You should've kissed her earlier, then," Garrus said, remarkably indignant despite the fact that he was completely unable to focus.

"Shut up."

Garrus scoffed and clicked his mandibles. "Amateur," he muttered, then began heaving into the bucket.


	6. Southpaw

**Chapter 6: Southpaw **

_Sometimes I wish I had never met you. Because then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like you out there. _

What the _hell _was she doing?

Shepard had been working the bag for over an hour, and her muscles were screaming in protest. She paid them no heed; instead increasing the intensity of her jabs and kicks. She had set the bag up in the corner of the cargo bay, and the rhythmic thumping echoed in time with the music she was blasting through the empty room. Despite the frigidness of the deck, Shepard was drenched in sweat. She wore only a tight shirt and shorts reminiscent of the style professional fighters wore back on Earth. With dazzling speed, Shepard shot her back knee up, the force of the motion propelling her into the air. She snapped her hips over and her front foot connected solidly with the bag while she was in midair. She was rewarded with a resounding "thwack" that reverberated throughout the bay.

Her first problem was agreeing to help Nassana Dantius in the first place. With the benefit of hindsight, she should have known that something was amiss. But the sly asari had appealed to Shepard's sense of justice and duty, and it had worked.

Shepard snarled at the thought. She had been betrayed by the very ideals she was trained to uphold, taken advantage of and duped into taking an unnecessary risk all in the name of some higher moral calling. Dantius's sister, while reprehensible, had nothing to do with stopping Saren or investigating the Reapers. And what did that little detour get her? One of her crew in the infirmary. And not just any crewmember.

Liara's biotic abilities were nothing less than impressive, and her command of those abilities had improved tenfold since she came aboard. However, for all her natural talents, she was still not a soldier. Shepard and her team had been moving steadily through the pirate stronghold, but in the chaos of the battle Liara had been struggling with her rifle, and suddenly had found herself out of position and without cover. As she sprinted to the nearest crate, a barrage of bullets caused her shields to collapse. She was frantic and panicking, and there was no way she could have seen the pirate that had outflanked them.

Shepard grimaced as she jabbed at the heavy bag. Her mind kept replaying the horrible moment when the bullet tore through the asari's body. How time slowed as she fell to the floor. How there was just too much blood. Shepard didn't remember unloading the rest of her clip into the pirate, her finger clenching the trigger so hard it ached. She didn't remember leaving her cover, or sprinting across the main floor. All she knew was that suddenly she was desperately clutching the base of Liara's neck, hastily applying medigel as the thick blood kept oozing through her fingers. Frantically clamping her hand down on the ragged wound to staunch the bleeding. Silently, fiercely praying to any deity that would listen, begging them to intervene, though no God or spirits had any reason to listen to her.

Seeing the panic in Liara's brilliant blue eyes.

Death was one of the few constants of her life, from early childhood on, and she had grown accustomed to its presence. Sooner or later, it claimed someone she cared about, and Shepard had come to accept that. But when she cradled Liara's head in her hands and watched as life began draining from her, the Spectre was filled with an aching, hollow feeling she had never experienced before. She was suddenly lost and unmoored, careening helplessly toward a sucking void as if all the stars in the universe had gone out at once.

It was that reaction that scared her more than anything else.

She couldn't function like this. She never should have danced with Liara that night, never should have even tried to kiss her. She had drank far too much, the whiskey making her bolder than she had any right to be, and her ego couldn't let it go. Shepard knew better than that. She should have just let Liara dance with Kaidan. Should have just stayed on the bridge, gotten drunk by herself, and then staggered to bed before anyone noticed. She was weak. She had given in, let emotions cloud her focus and distract her from the mission. She was to find and stop Saren - not run around like a glorified errand boy, not take on assignments for people she didn't know or care about.

And _not_ to fall for a member of her crew.

The music suddenly stopped, wrenching Shepard from her reverie and destroying her rhythm. She nearly fell as she launched a particularly off-balance roundhouse from her front leg. Her bare foot smacked weakly against the canvas, barely moving the bag.

Garrus leaned against the workbench with his arms crossed, eyeing Shepard critically. The Spectre glanced up, but continued dancing around the bag. "What's up?"

"Not much. Joker puts our ETA at Luna base at approximately four hours. Looks like we'll be checking on that VI sooner then you thought." Garrus idly examined a talon on his right hand as he spoke.

"Great," Shepard grumbled darkly. She made no attempt to hide the scowl on her face. "Maybe we can pick up Hackett's fucking dry cleaning while we're at it."

"Yeah, it's frustrating when people ignore the real problem," the turian said pointedly.

Shepard finally stopped her barrage. She wiped her face with the tail of her shirt, then cocked an eyebrow. "You got something to say, Garrus?" she asked, eyes flashing.

Garrus clicked his mandibles and paused a moment before replying. "It's been three days."

"Chakwas says she'll make it," Shepard snapped back.

"Even Wrex has been in to see her."

Shepard shot a particularly vicious hook into the bag. "I'm not a goddamn nursemaid, Garrus," she spat, punctuating his name with a sharp right cross.

The turian threw up his hands. "Oh, come off it, Shep. We've all seen how she looks at you. And, more importantly, how you look at her, even though you try to hide it. No one thinks less of you for it."

The commander just narrowed her eyes at him. Even though her arms felt like jelly, she continued her relentless pounding. Garrus sighed. "Would you stop for a damn minute?" He strode over, grabbed the heavy bag and effortlessly yanked it out of reach of the human. Shepard continued to glare at him, even though her muscles rejoiced at the respite. She turned her back to him and stomped over to the workbench, grabbing the towel she had hastily deposited there hours ago and roughly swiping the back of her neck. Garrus gave the heavy bag another push and watched it swing lazily for a moment before joining her.

"She's not a soldier." Shepard chewed her bottom lip as she began rapidly tearing off her hand wraps. "She shouldn't have been out there."

"Guess you should have thought of that before you brought her on board, huh?" Garrus remarked dryly. Shepard shot him a look. "She understood the risks, Shepard. We all do. Shit happens in battle - you know that better than anyone. Hitting that bag until your arms fall off isn't going to change anything." Garrus grabbed one of the discarded hand wraps and began rolling it up as he continued to speak. "Besides, she's a helluva fighter. It's been a long time since I've a seen a biotic like her. Saved my plates more times than I care to admit. And, if I understand correctly, she kept your head from splitting in half after you ran into that beacon on Eden Prime."

"Your point?" Shepard grumbled, snatching the meticulously rolled wrap out of his talons.

"My point is that she's as much as part of this crew as Ashley, Wrex or myself. And she deserves some _consideration_ from her commander." Garrus jabbed her in the shoulder. Shepard spun around and was met with a harsh look from the turian. "Look, I don't know what's been going on between you two, and honestly, it's none of my business. But you need to stop hiding like a scared varren and go talk to her. She's earned that much at least." The Spectre didn't speak, just shrugging off Garrus's talon and concentrating fiercely on the other hand wrap, her jaw twitching conspicuously. Garrus sighed again. He hadn't known the commander very long, but he had seen enough of her to know that he wasn't getting very far. He turned and was nearly out the door when she called after him.

Shepard had slumped forward slightly, and her hand was resting heavily on the workbench. The other hand was placed on her hip. The iciness in her eyes was thawing, and she hesitated before speaking again.

"How does she look?"

Garrus stopped, surprised at the look Shepard was giving him. His expression softened. "She's going to be fine, Shep. She's stronger then you give her credit for."

Shepard just nodded and looked away, focusing on some unseen point on the opposite side of the bay. Garrus's mandibles clicked softly, as if he was about to speak again, but he quickly decided against it. He silently exited the bay, leaving Shepard alone in the cold room.

* * *

><p>The infirmary was eerily still when Shepard eased through the entrance, clutching desperately at a full glass of whiskey. The only sounds were the pervasive hum of the Normandy's engines, and the soft, measured breathing coming from the only occupied bed. Shepard took a swallow of the liquor, wincing as it burned her throat, then took several deliberate steps further into the room, steeling herself for what she might see.<p>

There was something uniquely horrible about ballistic trauma that Shepard could never quite get over. She had witnessed its effects at an unfortunately young age, studied it thoroughly during her N7 training, and had become scarily proficient at dealing out such punishment, but it was still distressing. The way projectiles pass through flesh so easily, and carve a path through delicate tissue, leaving a permanent cavitation in its wake. How the pressure wave caused by higher-velocity bullets forced tissues out of the way, creating a temporary cavity that did considerable damage before the muscle and gristle move back into the place. The exit wound that was always larger then you thought it should be.

Both the pirate and Liara had been lucky. He had managed to squeeze off a shot the instant before the biotic could raise a barrier, and the round had ricocheted off the plating of her armor and caught the vulnerable flesh at the joint of the neck. It struck her collarbone, then veered sharply, the shock wave tearing through the delicate sinews of Liara's throat and leaving a slight rupture in her main artery. One more centimeter to the left and the bullet would have struck home, leaving Liara to bleed out before they could get her back to the Normandy.

Dumb fucking luck.

Shepard's stomach tightened as she moved closer to the asari. Liara was asleep with her head turned away from the infirmary's main entrance, affording the commander an unobstructed view of her wound. Chakwas had reset the shattered bone, and Liara's right arm was immobilized in a sling. The side of her neck and shoulder was bandaged tightly, and the surrounding tissue was a deep purple hue that contrasted sharply against the fresh white tank top she wore. Thanks to Chakwas's formidable skills, the asari would recover fully, but Shepard was sure that the graceful arch of Liara's slender neck would be marred even after she healed.

The human sighed and quietly pulled up a chair next to the bed, careful not to scrape it against the deck, her eyes traveling over Liara's still form. Her flawless, sky blue skin had taken on an ashen quality and seemed almost grayish; the rich violent lips now pale and faded like a dull watercolor painting. Despite this, the soft light of the infirmary's overhead reflected slightly off the white sheets and pillow of the bed, and somehow cast Liara in a haze that was almost angelic. Shepard was struck by how apt that was, and was suddenly overcome by guilt. Liara had a light, a radiance that shone brighter than anything the human had seen before. Selfishly, Shepard had reached for it, grasped at it desperately in the hope that she could for once stand next to something that was beautiful and pure and good. To experience everything she was not. And because of her selfishness, that light and beauty had almost been extinguished. Liara deserved better than the violent world she had been swept up into. She was young and brilliant and her presence was being wasted on a soldier who knew only darkness.

She drank from her whiskey, reveling in the self-inflicted burn, then lowered her head to gaze blankly at the cold metal floor. Her hair was still damp from the shower, and several unruly bangs became dislodged and fell onto her forehead.

"Christ, Liara, I'm going to get you killed," she muttered out loud. She roughly swiped her face with the palm of her hand, causing more curls to spill forward. "You have to get off this ship before I get you killed." Shepard felt a pang in her chest as the words escaped her lips, and she quickly went to her drink, hoping to dull her reaction in the potent alcohol.

"Do you mean that?"

The commander's head snapped up. Liara had turned toward her now, her eyes wide, bright, and sharply focused on Shepard. The human frowned. She had stupidly assumed Liara was asleep and wouldn't hear her ramblings, but now that she had, there only seemed to be one inevitable outcome and Shepard stumbled towards it.

"Yes," she said coolly. It was only a half truth.

Liara looked away and a choking silence filled the space between them. Shepard remained rooted to her seat, hoping the whiskey would strengthen her resolve.

"And what would you have me do?" Liara's eyes flashed and her voice held an edge Shepard had never heard before. It felt like she was slicing right through the human. "Go back to digging up Prothean ruins, when I know the very reason for their extinction is at our own doorstep?" She gestured dismissively with her good hand. "I cannot do that. Neither could you."

"That's not the point." Shepard shook her head, the curls swinging haphazardly. "You're not a soldier. You don't deserve this."

"I deserve to make my own decisions, do I not?"

Shepard's grip tightened on her glass. "It's my fucking ship." Her tone was low and flat, even as she fought against a surge of anger.

Liara was unperturbed at Shepard's casual swearing. She arched a brow haughtily. "And as you were so kind to remind me, I am not a soldier. I do not have to take orders from you."

The commander clenched her jaw. "Look, you said so yourself - you're barely a child, and I am not going to - "

"A _child?_" Liara pushed herself up in the bed and leveled a ferocious glare at Shepard. Her cheeks began to flush as color rushed back into them. "How can you even say that? Tali is younger than anyone else on board, and yet you don't hesitate bringing her along on - "

"Goddammit, Liara, I don't worry about Tali they way I worry about you!" Shepard stood suddenly, frustration and helplessness finally cracking the surface. Her stormy eyes darkened, and she met Liara's glare with one of her own, before sighing and turning away. She had been caught off guard and already said too much. She needed time to regroup, collect her thoughts before she made the situation worse. Retreat was a perfectly acceptable option. "We'll discuss this later." She began walking towards the door.

"Is this what you do?" Liara called after her softly. "Push away those that care about you?"

Shepard stopped, struck again by the same pang in her chest. She kept her back to Liara as she spoke. "I don't push people away," she replied matter-of-factly. "They just always leave me." It was the most honest she had been in their entire conversation.

The commander left without looking back, feeling the weight of Liara's gaze on her even as she strode briskly through the mess and returned to the safety of her cabin. She went for the pack of cigarettes sitting on the small round table that she never used. Her hands trembled as she put one to her lips and lit it, inhaling gratefully. The human leaned against the table and pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to calm her frustration.

The chime came a few moments later and did nothing to improve her mood. "What?" she barked. The door slid open and Liara marched into the room, wearing an expression of righteous determination. Shepard leapt off the table.

"Liara, what the - "

The wave of biotic energy landed on Shepard's jaw with a resounding crack. The discharge was just enough to send her back a few steps, and Liara quickly advanced on her. "I don't care if you command the Destiny Ascension herself - we are_ not_ done speaking!" She spoke in the same harsh tone that cut like glass, defiantly blinking back her tears. Her entire body was coiled tightly and trembling with emotion. Shepard would have thought the entire scene comical, with the small asari barefoot, her arm in a sling, and shaking in her ill-fitting hospital pants, if the sharp finger being jabbed in her face wasn't wreathed in sparking blue energy.

"You are not going to push me away," Liara continued as Shepard just listened, silently massaging her jaw and feeling rather grateful that the asari was disciplined enough to hold back the full force of her powers. "I am perfectly capable of handling myself, and I will not let you treat me differently than the rest of the crew because of our...your...whatever this is. I am going to see this through to the end, and...well, you are just going to have to...deal with it." She ran out of steam but managed to finish strongly, jerking her chin proudly at the commander.

Shepard sighed in exasperation, and pointed at Liara with the two fingers still holding her cigarette. "Look - "

"No, _you _look - oh!"

Liara wavered, taking an awkward step as her body rebelled against the sudden exertion. Shepard quickly put the cigarette in her mouth and grabbed Liara gently by the waist, moving so fast the actions seemed to occur simultaneously. The asari looked for a moment like she was about to shrug off the commander's touch, but then allowed Shepard to steer her towards a chair. Shepard set her down gently, then pulled her desk chair over to sit across from Liara. She stabbed out the barely touched cigarette in a clean ashtray and pushed it to the other side of the table.

They sat facing each other just as they had the night of the meld, their knees almost touching. Shepard leaned forward, resting her elbows on the tops of her knees, but Liara sat back pointedly. She crossed her legs and arched an expectant brow. The commander had to admit she was beaten, and it was a feeling she wasn't used to.

"I'm sorry, Liara, I just..." Shepard had no idea where to even begin.

"Uh huh." The asari refused to look at Shepard and, in a surprisingly human gesture, began drumming her nails impatiently on the table. The commander watched with keen interest, observing the dexterity in Liara's hand, and the way she distributed her weight even though she couldn't move her right arm. Shepard thought back to how she was just slugged across the face and suddenly let out a surprised laugh. She wondered why she hadn't noticed it sooner.

"Find this amusing, do you?" Liara snapped.

"No, it's just...you're left-handed," Shepard remarked, shaking her head in disbelief. She wanted to smack herself across the forehead. She began speaking faster, excited by her new understanding. "I can't believe - that's why you've been having trouble with the rifles. They're all designed for righties. I'll mod your Kovalyov and Razer tomorrow, but we should really get a custom pistol for you, and I can do that when we stop at the Citadel next, I know a guy - "

"Goddess, why do you do this?" Liara sighed, her voice thick with emotion. Her harsh demeanor had vanished, and now she turned away and covered her mouth with her hand. Her eyes glistened with tears.

Shepard blinked. "Do what?"

"This. You. Five minutes ago you wanted me off the Normandy and now you are ordering custom weapons for me." She shook her head and let out a dry, harsh laugh. "You were the only person who believed me when I said I was not working with Benezia. When she died, you ensured that her body returned to Thessia, even though I never asked that of you. You do not smoke in front of me anymore, even though I never asked that of you. The wine from Armali, that dance...and yet..."

Liara wiped her cheek quickly, then brought her crystal blue eyes back on Shepard as she spoke in a low, almost wistful tone. Her hand fell heavily to her lap. "I have always been drawn to you, ever since we met on Therum. And not just because you saved my life. It is the way you look at me, how you notice details that others miss. You...see me in a way no one else ever has." Her voice grew quieter, and everything became hushed in the dim cabin. "And I thought I saw you as well, thought that you felt the same way. But now I am not so sure. Tell me, Evan, am I alone in this?"

The simple plea sliced through Shepard so completely she felt like she had been cut in half. She forced down the lump in her throat, and slowly, carefully reached for Liara's hand. "No...you're not alone," she managed to say, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'm not trying to hurt you. I care about you, Liara, probably more than I should. But..."

Liara's grip tightened. "But?"

Shepard bit her lip. But what could she say? That the only time she is ever truly afraid is when she thinks of Liara in harm? That she lies awake every night craving her touch again? That she dreams constantly of finishing that interrupted kiss?

No.

_The mission._

"It's just...horrible timing," she said weakly, hiding behind a convenient truth.

Liara eyed her skeptically for a moment, sensing correctly there was more than Shepard was saying, but unable to argue with her logic. "I suppose that is true," she conceded, and dropped the human's hand. "Racing to stop a madman from destroying the known universe is not very conducive to a romance."

Every fiber, every muscle was screaming for Shepard to take Liara in her arms. But she couldn't let herself, because once that happened, she wouldn't be able to stop herself, and there was no way of telling how much damage she would eventually cause. And she always damaged something. Shepard clenched her fist as she frantically clamped down on the emotions that were threatening to rip her apart. "No, it's really not," she muttered.

Liara nodded, giving Shepard a small, sad smile. "I shall look forward to when this is over, then." She rose gracefully from her seat and moved towards the door. "I should get back to the infirmary."

Shepard immediately stood and reached out a hand. "I'll walk with you."

"No." Liara said firmly, drawing herself up to her full height and raising her chin. "I can manage, thank you."

Shepard watched helplessly as Liara walked away from her. Just before she reached the door, the asari turned back and caught Shepard in a meaningful look. "Whatever happens, Evan, I want you to know that I am with you. Until the end." They locked eyes, blue irises mirroring each other and full of words neither of them would dare say now.

And then Liara was gone. Shepard sank back into her chair, numbly staring at the deck with unseeing eyes.

What the hell was she doing?


	7. Haunted, part I

**A/N:** This chapter turned into a utter behemoth, so I decided to split it in two parts for ease of consumption (and writing). Part II should be up in a few days.

Also, in response to the recent purging rumors, I would like to start posting my works on other sites, in addition to this one. I am familiar with Archive Of Our Own, but that's about it. If you have any suggestions of where else I should be posting (or perhaps have an Archive invite you'd be willing to share), please shoot me a PM.

As always, thanks for reading.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7: Haunted, part I <strong>

_Not tho' the soldiers knew__  
><em>_ Someone had blunder'd: __  
><em>_Theirs not to make reply,__  
><em>_Theirs not to reason why,__  
><em>_Theirs but to do and die:__  
><em>_Into the valley of Death__  
><em>_ Rode the six hundred _

Liara was beginning to regret her demand to come along on this mission. Really, she should have realized something was amiss when Garrus so willingly gave up his spot in the squad, after the asari had marched determinately into the cargo bay and flat out announced that she was going. Chakwas had cleared her for full duty weeks ago, but Shepard was obviously avoiding her and appeared in no rush to allow the asari back into the field. After several unsuccessful attempts at cornering the slippery commander, Liara decided that the only way she was going to get off the Normandy again was if she took matters into her own hands. And so that was what she had done - striding into the cargo bay with barely a word and slapping on her armor, all the while giving Shepard a heated look that dared the human to argue with her. Shepard had just heaved a sigh and glanced over to Garrus, prompting the turian to practically sprint away in happiness.

And now Liara understood why.

She desperately clung to the sides of her seat as the Mako barreled over another steep hill, cursing the military vehicle's spartan design. Apparently none of the designers thought to include an armrest or additional handholds, but Liara suspected that the tank also hadn't been intended to driven so maniacally.

"Goddammit! Why can't we ever land somewhere flat?" Shepard cursed through clenched teeth. Her hands fiercely gripped the controls as she gunned the accelerator to climb out of the ravine they had tumbled into. Liara let out an audible groan.

"It wouldn't be so bad if you did not insist on driving over every hill," Liara snapped. Her stomach lurched as Shepard hit the thrusters and sent the tank sailing over a rocky outcropping.

"It's not me! This thing handles like shit," Shepard replied, swerving suddenly to avoid another ravine.

"Maybe you ought to take up Garrus's offer about the extra training, Skipper." Ashley spoke up from the rear of the vehicle as she hung onto the cannon turret for dear life.

"I can drive just fine, Chief," Shepard snapped, jaw twitching spasmodically.

"I do not know what you call this, Shepard, but it is _not_ driving," Liara retorted, and was rewarded with an appreciative snort from the gunnery chief. Over the past several weeks it appeared that they had settled into something of an unspoken truce, especially whenever an opportunity arose to mock the commander. Liara turned slightly to give Ashley a small smile, but immediately regretted it when the Mako lurched sharply and she was assailed with another wave of nausea.

Shepard just frowned humorlessly and ignored her crew's remarks. "Where the hell is this place, anyway? I thought we were less than two clicks away."

Liara barely managed to suppress an exasperated sigh. "I sent you the nav point when we landed. The location is due east." She had been assigned to the navigation station, but could only manage the occasional glance at the rollicking display before being overcome with motion sickness. She took a deep breath and steeled herself as she scanned the console's readout. "It is just over there." Liara let out a shaky breath and pointed to a nearby ridge, certain that her usually sky blue skin tone was now a distinct shade of teal.

"Where?" Shepard's features screwed into a look of confusion as she peered out the windshield. "Never mind - got it." The Mako veered wildly and the tank growled as the commander sent it barreling up a ninety degree incline. Liara and Ashley were pressed back into their seats while Shepard leaned forward, as if propelling the vehicle up the craggy hill by sheer force of will.

"Goddess, Shepard, there is a road _right there_!" Liara gestured sharply with one hand while the other grasped at her seat.

The commander made a dismissive grunting sound. "There's no road - " she began, before stopping herself as the Mako suddenly leveled out and they found themselves sitting on a narrow path that had been carved into the side of the plateau. Just over the lip of the ridge was the small, squat compound they had been searching for. Shepard tossed a sheepish glance towards Liara, then sent the tank rumbling towards the target.

* * *

><p>Liara never thought death could look so beautiful.<p>

The asari had always been in awe of Shepard's proficiency on the battlefield, but there was something about this engagement that was different. Maybe it was because Liara hadn't been on a mission for so long, or perhaps these mercs were just exceptionally inept. Whatever the reason, Liara could barely keep her eyes off Shepard as she deftly cut through the meager resistance they faced. She moved effortlessly, running and dropping and rolling with the grace of a dancer. There were no wasted movements, no needlessly expended energy. The rapport of Shepard's assault rifle rang sharp and clear in Liara's senses as the human released short, controlled bursts of fire. The asari hung on the commander's hip as they swept the exterior of the compound, augmenting Shepard's fire with her own newly-modded rifle and timely biotics.

Ashley was good, of course, but she wasn't Shepard. The chief was skilled, but wielded her shotgun like a battering ram, blowing through their opposition with a wildly violent flair. Shepard was more like a surgeon, dispatching the mercs with a cool and efficient precision. The commander's voice never wavered over the comm, remaining calm and measured even as both Liara's and Ashley's rose in excitement.

"We're pinned down!" Ashley exclaimed as she hunkered down behind a covered power grid. Shepard hunched next to the chief. Liara had taken cover behind a similar structure several yards away.

"Huh. Looks like it," Shepard replied blandly, even as a hail of gunfire poured down on them. There were only three mercs left, and they had taken up position on the compound's roof to bear down on the advancing squad. Shepard glanced up at the building, then looked over to Liara's position. Their gaze met over the distance. Shepard's eyes reflected the bright sunlight, and for a moment the human's and the asari's irises were the same shade of blue.

"Okay, I'll draw their fire," Shepard announced, still looking at Liara. "Hit them as soon as I leave. Coming to you, Liara."

The commander took off without waiting for an acknowledgment, sprinting across the open land towards the asari. The mercs followed her movement, turning their attention to the darting figure. Shepard lowered her head and dashed forward, bullets biting at her ankles and pinging loudly off her shields. As the human shot towards Liara's position, Ashley deftly switched to her rifle and launched a barrage towards the distracted mercs. Her fire caused the mercs to change their cover, and Liara sent a massive singularity towards their position just as Shepard slid in wildly next to her, kicking up a cloud of dust and debris. She twisted awkwardly as she landed and nearly ended up in Liara's lap. The asari reached down and placed a steadying hand on Shepard's shoulder, keeping her eyes trained on the roof of the compound, watching the mercs flail about in the gravity well. There were a few more pops from Ashley's rifle, then silence.

Shepard waited a few moments, still flopped haphazardly against Liara's side. "What do you see, Chief?" she called out.

"Nothin' but the stars, Skipper," Ashley answered triumphantly. "We're clear."

Liara glanced down at Shepard, her cheeks flushing suddenly when she saw that her hand had unconsciously migrated from the human's shoulder to her exposed neck. She quickly pulled back and went to reload her rifle. If Shepard had noticed the asari's touch she gave no indication; instead clambering to her feet and moving out from behind the cover. Liara scrambled to follow, taking up her usual position just off the commander's right hip. The three women converged seamlessly on the entrance to the compound.

Shepard went down to one knee and Liara stood over her, both training their weapons on the door as Ashley bypassed the controls. Liara noticed a thin line of blood streaming from the commander's temple, running steadily down the side of her face. She frowned slightly and found herself wishing yet again that the stubborn commander would just wear a blasted helmet.

"I'm fine, Li," Shepard said suddenly, roughly swiping at her face without looking back at the asari.

Liara blinked, wondering how she had been so transparent, but decided not to give Shepard the satisfaction of catching her off guard. "'Li'?" she asked instead, a fair amount of dryness in her tone.

Shepard shrugged noncommittally. "I'm a busy person. I don't have time for all three syllables."

Liara rolled her eyes as Ashley stepped back from the entrance controls. The door slid open, and the squad entered the darkened compound.

* * *

><p>Shepard entered the room first, followed closely by Liara, then Ashley. The two women immediately moved to either side of the commander once they cleared the door, sweeping their weapons around the small control room. Shepard felt a pang of guilt as Liara gracefully took up her position across from Ashley, acutely aware that the asari was still upset with her for suggesting she leave the Normandy, and Shepard's obvious avoidance of the issue hadn't helped matters any. The commander couldn't deny that Liara's skills had improved dramatically, and she appeared hell bent on proving it to the human on this mission. Shepard chided herself yet again on how clumsily she had handled the situation, and decided she would have to determine how to make it up to Liara. Although, she supposed that the radical strategy of a direct, mature conversation with the archaeologist would probably do wonders.<p>

Shepard shook her head slightly, clearing her thoughts as the three of them quickly closed on a mercenary aiming a pistol at a terrified scientist.

"You're the last one!" The merc exclaimed, cocking his weapon and stepping closer to the scientist. "I'll finally pay you bastards back for what you did to me!" He was wild-eyed and covered in sweat, but for as unbalanced as he looked, he handled the pistol with confidence and ease. It was plain to Shepard that the merc had undergone years of rigorous combat training, and was not to be taken lightly. The scientist, for his part, was shaking uncontrollably and trying to plead with his raving captor.

"W-what are you talking about? I – we – didn't do anything to you! I've never seen you before!" He raised his hands, palms out, and kept backing away from the merc. He was wearing what seemed to be a white uniform/lab coat combination, emblazoned with an official-looking logo that Shepard didn't recognize. Her eyes narrowed as kept her rifle trained on the merc and took a step forward.

"Hey! Wait a second!" she snapped, drawing the merc's attention. He glanced over to her and immediately did a double take.

"S-Shepard?" he asked weakly.

Shepard's eyes widened in disbelief as she slowly lowered her rifle. "Corporal Toombs?" she said, her voice barely above a whisper. The color drained from her face. "B-but how? I saw the thresher pull you down, on Akuze…you were gone." Behind her, Shepard heard surprised gasps from both her companions, but they didn't speak. Shepard's mind raced as she tried to comprehend what she was seeing. Toombs had been next to her as they were running for the dropship when the two threshers burst forth as if they had come from hell itself. She went left, he went right…and she screamed his name as he was snatched up in the claws of a monster.

"Yeah, it dragged me down. But I lived, just barely, and then these fucks found me," he spat through clenched teeth, never taking his eyes off his prisoner as he spoke.

"God, Toombs, I had no idea. I would have looked for you-"

"That doesn't matter now!" Toombs cried, his voice raising an octave. He looked over at Shepard and they locked eyes for the first time. "Do you know that it's their fault? They killed our unit! Our whole fucking unit!"

"What…?" Shepard frowned. Toombs was now shaking almost as much as the scientist and looking more deranged with each passing moment. "What are you talking about?" she asked, eyeing the corporal skeptically. Shepard made a slight gesture with her hand, ensuring both Liara and Ashley kept their rifles trained on him.

"It was a setup, a trap, by an organization called Cerberus. They do all sorts of fucked up experiments. They knew there was a thresher nest on Akuze and they wanted to study them. So they planted the distress call , waited for us to respond, and watched while everyone was slaughtered!" Toombs finger tightened on the pistol's trigger. "And when they found out I was alive, oh boy were they happy! They took me and kept me in a lab for two years. _They fucking tortured me!"_

Shepard felt like she had been slugged in the stomach. The air rushed out of her lungs and her head started to swim. Akuze a setup? Her unit had been killed…deliberately? Her eyes darkened as she fixed the scientist with an icy glare. Her rifle slowly began to rise.

"Is this true?" A muscle twitched in her jaw.

"You have no evidence! I demand a fair trial!" the scientist spat, suddenly defiant. "You can't-"

He was cut off by a vicious backhand that sent him sprawling onto the floor. Shepard was on him instantly, jamming her boot into his throat. "Is. This. True?" she repeated coolly, as she slowly began crushing his windpipe. Liara and Ashley exchanged worried glances, but remained silent.

The scientist struggled under the commander's heavy boot, but to no avail. "Can't…prove…anything…" he gasped, his lips curling into a snarl even as they began turning blue.

"I'll take that as a yes." Shepard cocked her rifle and jabbed the barrel into the scientist's cheek.

"No, Shepard, this is my kill!" Toombs rushed forward, training his pistol at the felled scientist. "I have to do it."

"You'll get prosecuted, Toombs. I'm a Spectre. I won't," Shepard replied flatly. Her earlier disbelief was now replaced with blind, murderous rage. Her cool eyes now radiated heat from the sheer intensity of her anger and were burning a hole through the scientist's skull. Her jaw clenched violently and her trigger finger began to twitch. She no longer heard his pleas for mercy, or Toomb's protestations. All she could hear were the cries of her dying squadmates as they burned alive, the crack and hiss of skin bubbling as the thresher acid liquefied them were they stood. Now, finally, there someone to answer for her years of nightmares, of guilt, of the crushing burden that were her memories of death and destruction.

"Shepard." A familiar voice cut through Shepard's haze, drawing her back into reality. She whipped around and saw Liara standing over her left shoulder. "Don't. Killing this man will not bring anyone back," she spoke softly, catching the commander's feverish gaze. Shepard looked into Liara's calm blue eyes, the telltale muscles of her jaw twitching wildly. The asari took a cautious step forward and placed a hand on Shepard's bicep. Her gentle touch had the effect of cool water on a fire. Shepard felt her pulse begin to slow. Her anger dissipated She glared back down at the scientist and, after a long moment, slowly raised her boot.

A single shot rang out and the scientist's head exploded, splattering blood and matter across Shepard's shins. She looked over at Toombs, his expression a mixture of surprise and relief. A lone tendril of smoke rose from the barrel of his pistol. "It's over. It's over," he repeated. Their eyes met. "Will the voices stop now?" he asked plaintively, backing away from the Spectre. Shepard glanced down and idly kicked at the corpse, the distinct dark red splatters standing out in sharp contrast to her white armor. She sighed heavily.

"No. It never stops. But it does get better." Shepard looked back up at Toombs. He seemed oddly calm. A look of serenity crossed his features and his hand was steadily holding his pistol out to his side. She frowned slightly as her eyes flicked from the weapon to Toombs' face and back again. Her entire body tensed as she was filled with a new sense of dread.

"You know, all the vids say that you're the only survivor of Akuze, Shepard," Toombs said quietly, still holding his pistol out at that awkward angle.

Shepard began stepping towards the corporal. "Toombs…Aaron…it's over. It's done. Let's get out of here," she said evenly, glancing quickly at Ashley. The gunnery chief began moving to intercept Toombs. The commander heard a slight crackle as Liara's biotics flared behind her, raising the hair on the back of her neck. Shepard kept her eyes on the man before her. "They can't hurt you anymore, Aaron. You got them. Give me the gun." She reached out her hand. "C'mon, give me the gun…"

"The only survivor…" Toombs murmured. He down at his pistol, then back up at Shepard. "Who am I to argue?"

He jammed the pistol underneath his chin and fired.

Shepard shot forward and caught the corporal as he fell. Her hand went behind his head as she wrapped her other arm around his waist, enveloping him in a macabre embrace. Blood and viscera poured over her hand and ran down her forearm as she gently lowered Toombs' body to the deck. She sat down heavily next to him, cross legged, and stared blankly at the remains of her friend. "Jesus Christ, Aaron," she said simply, shaking her head. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Ashley step aside and discretely call for an Alliance transport. Liara knelt down next to her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Joker says there's a frigate about an hour out, Skipper," Ashley reported solemnly.

Shepard nodded. "You two head back to the Normandy. I'll wait here," she said dully, never taking her eyes off Toombs.

"I'm staying with you," Liara immediately announced. She glanced up at Ashley, who gave a slight nod in agreement.

Shepard said nothing. Toombs' eyes were still open and trained directly at the commander, his irises vibrant even in death. She sighed heavily, reached underneath his visor and gently drew his eyelids closed. Shepard had no idea his eyes were so green.

* * *

><p>Kaidan paced back and forth across the mess hall kitchenette, wringing his hands nervously. "Are you <em>sure<em> we shouldn't do something? She's been in there for almost an hour."

Ashley sighed and continued idly shuffling the deck of cards someone had left on one of the mess hall tables. "I'm sure as hell not going in there. She'll come out when she's ready."

Kaidan stopped pacing and looked over at Liara, seemingly for support. The asari was leaning against the wall near the elevator, occasionally casting a worried glance at Shepard's cabin. Her clear blue eyes flicked over to the fidgeting lieutenant, and she just shook her head.

"Shepard can be...less than forthright about her feelings. I agree with Chief Williams." A slight tinge of annoyance was noticeable in the asari's reply.

"But think of what just happened!" Kaidan protested. "Can you imagine what that must have been like for her? To find out her entire platoon was sent into a trap, and then having one of them..." Kaidan shook his head, unable to complete the sentence.

Liara shifted uncomfortably, thinking about the haunted, faraway look she had seen in Shepard's sapphire eyes. She glanced back at the cabin door without speaking. Kaidan looked at them both incredulously.

"Fine, I'll check on her," he said, stepping towards the cabin in a righteous act of decisiveness. Ashley rose quickly to intercept him.

"Let Liara do it," she said, placing a bracing hand on his chest. The gunnery chief gave the Liara a meaningful look. The asari sighed, then nodded slightly and moved from her spot on the wall.

Kaidan's dark brow furrowed in confusion. "Why Liara?"

Ashley rolled her eyes and sat back down. "Because she's the prettiest." She shuffled the cards again and began dealing. "C'mon LT, I haven't kicked your ass at gin in nearly a week."

Kaidan let out a grumble and reluctantly pulled up a chair. Ashley looked over the officer's broad shoulder and once again locked eyes with Liara, who was just hovering outside Shepard's cabin. Ashley looked at her for a long moment, and Liara suddenly understood just what the human was trying to convey. She turned back to the cabin, a new, heavy weight of responsibility on her shoulders. Whatever Shepard's condition, it was now her job to fix it.


	8. Haunted, part II

**A/N: **Whew! Sorry about the delay. RL has just gotten more busier, and this section proved incredibly difficult to write. Sorry if I gave the impression that this work was abandoned; it most certainly is not, and I will finish this thing come hell or high water. However, I am studying for the bar this summer, so this will be the last update on this piece until August, most likely. Thanks for sticking with this.

For now, enjoy some angst with a goddamn capital "A".

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7: Haunted, part II <strong>

_Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Selah. _

The door slid open without an acknowledgment and Liara took a cautious step into the darkened quarters. The only light source was a small desk lamp and an active terminal, the bright images casting dancing shadows across the room. Liara glanced about the quarters, realizing that she had never really had the opportunity to investigate the last time she was here. She wasn't surprised that it was sparsely furnished; quite fitting for a marine who was used to making do without modern comforts. In fact, the only sign that the room was even being lived in was a pair of shorts tossed haphazardly on top of the rumpled sheets of the bed. Her eyes lingered on the bed for a moment, noting its generous size and large pillows, and how it looked decidedly more comfortable than her cot in the lab. Her face flushed and she looked away quickly, grateful for the dim lighting.

As she turned slightly she saw the table they had sat at several weeks ago, and a small, tattered book sitting next to an empty glass. It had been years since she had actually seen a bound paper book, and Liara couldn't resist taking a closer look. The binding was cracked and the cover curled in such a manner to suggest that it had been carried in a pocket for some time. She reached out and gingerly brushed the worn leather, overcome by a strange feeling that she had somehow seen this book before, even though she knew that had to be impossible. Liara drew her delicate fingers through the thin pages and the book instantly flipped open to a section that had obviously been read frequently. She glanced down at the alien text, but then suddenly realized why the volume was so familiar to her.

_Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..._

Goddess.

Liara backed away from the table, then looked over at Shepard, half expecting to find the small, frightened child she had seen during their meld. Instead, the commander was sitting at her desk with her back to the door, and still had not acknowledged her visitor. She stared blankly ahead at her monitor screen, the harsh light of the display casting dark shadows on her grim features, making her eyes appear sunken and hollow. Her armor was piled next to her desk, still caked with Toombs' dried blood. A shock of wayward copper curls were plastered to her forehead. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees, and her only movement was to occasionally bring a cigarette to her lips.

Liara moved towards Shepard slowly, as if she was approaching a wounded animal that would strike if startled. She stopped just as she was suddenly overwhelmed by the pungent smell of cigarette smoke. Shepard had been smoking so much the air scrubbers in the cabin could barely keep pace. "Shepard?" she said cautiously.

Shepard's head turned to the side slightly, but she remained silent. She took a long drag from her cigarette and then stubbed it out into an overflowing ashtray. Liara immediately noticed the cigarette had only been half-finished. Shepard exhaled heavily, sending a massive cloud of smoke towards the overloaded filters. Liara nervously shifted back and forth, unsure of how to proceed, and then subsequently frustrated by her uncertainty. She wondered if Shepard was aware of how she managed to make the asari feel utterly comfortable yet completely unwelcome at the same time.

"Evan?" she tried again. Liara debated taking another step closer, but was stopped short when the commander finally answered.

"Why did you stop me?" Her usually husky voice was hoarser and thicker than normal.

"What?"

"The scientist. It shouldn't have been Toombs. He didn't deserve to have that on his conscience."

Liara's reply came instantly and almost without thinking. "There was nothing you could have done for Corporal Toombs, you have to know - "

"That's not what I asked." Liara was interrupted harshly. Shepard's tone took an edge that the asari had never heard before. "Why did you stop me?"

Again, she answered almost reflexively. "You're not a killer."

"_What do you know about it?_" Shepard sprang from her chair and suddenly advanced on the smaller asari. Liara leapt back with an audible gasp, shocked at how quickly Shepard had oscillated between calmness and apparent rage. Liara put her hands up instinctively, biotics flaring as she stepped back, her eyes wide with apprehension and confusion.

Shepard's fists were clenched tightly and her entire body was tensed as if ready to strike. She had stripped down to the undergarments she wore underneath her armor, and was clad only in a sports bra and tight leggings that stopped just below her knees. In any other moment, Liara would have been greedily eyeing the physical specimen before her, but now all she could register was the dark black ink covering the human's torso, all in a language she couldn't read, all completely concealed by the standard Alliance uniform - a long line of script that swept across Shepard's collarbone; large, blockier text curved over her defined stomach; strange number combinations that ran down the length of her left bicep. Liara was almost taken aback more from the unexpected tattooing than Shepard's sudden aggressiveness.

The commander's eyes flashed for a moment, but then flicked down to Liara's glowing hands. Shepard relaxed slightly, then took a deliberate step back and began pacing. She turned enough for Liara to see that there was more dark ink on Shepard's broad back and calves, including one she could read: a large number '10' etched between the human's shoulder blades. Liara watched the number flex as Shepard clasped her hands on top of her head for a brief moment, then brought them down to rest on her hips.

The asari still had no idea what triggered Shepard's outburst, but there was clearly something bubbling just below the surface that was threatening to boil over. She lowered her hands and calmed her biotics and patiently waited as the commander continued to pace.

Shepard stalked back and forth like a caged lion, occasionally casting dark glances back at Liara. "You want to know what happened to my parents?" she said after a long moment, her voice now a low growl. She didn't wait for Liara to reply before continuing.

"My father came home late, drunk off his ass. Went after my mother, as usual. Except this time, he somehow got his hands on a gun." Shepard shook her head and her lips curled back into a snarl as she spoke. "They fought. He starts waving it around like an idiot, and points it at her. I tried to jump in, make him stop, but he cracks me across the head and sent me flying across the room. Then the gun goes off."

Shepard took a deep breath and exhaled loudly, her gaze fixed on a random spot on the wall. "So I start screaming and crying, and then he comes after me. Except he's still fucking drunk and he trips over a chair and loses the gun. It slides across the floor, through the kitchen, right to me. Right to my fucking hand. I didn't even hesitate. Turned and fired."

The commander finally looked over at Liara. The asari's luminous eyes were brimming with moisture. Liara opened her mouth to speak but Shepard raised a lone finger, cutting off any words she could offer. The thresher maw - the only color adorning Shepard's body - seemed to twist and writhe as if it were alive and straining to leap off the human's skin. "Don't tell me what I am capable of. I have known what I am since I was eight years old, and there is nothing that you, or God, or anyone else in this damn universe can do to change that. I'm beyond redemption. Toombs wasn't."

Liara stood silently, blinking back her tears as she attempted to process what she had just heard. At the forefront of her mind, and perhaps the most unsettling part of it all was that she wasn't surprised. Not that she ever would had ascribed such an act to Shepard, but she knew something terrible must have happened to make the commander as closed off as she was. Liara could feel it during the meld, the simmering anger and guilt that nearly overwhelmed her as she first timidly set foot in Shepard's mind, the roiling emotions that the human struggled mightily to keep at bay.

Finding the right words seemed like an impossible task, and Liara understood that anything she tried to say would no doubt appear as nothing more than a mindless platitude. All she could register was the sudden, distinct flash of disagreement that rose within in her at what Shepard had said. She found herself boldly taking a firm step towards the commander, bridging the distance between them.

"I do not believe that."

Shepard stopped moving and looked at Liara for a long moment before replying. "I don't think you're the one making that decision."

The asari took another step. "Neither are you." They were within arm's reach of each other.

Shepard's brow furrowed as she realized how close they now were, clearly having expected a much different reaction. She glanced down and watched as Liara slowly reached out and brushed her hand.

_Commander, there's an incoming priority message from the Citadel._

Joker's voice came unexpectedly over the comm and echoed through the silent cabin. Shepard sighed and raked her fingers through her grimy hair.

"Wonderful. Is it the Ambassador?" She turned away from Liara and began hunting for her uniform.

_No, it's the Council. I...I think they've found Saren._

* * *

><p>Shepard relentlessly paced the length of her cabin, her mind still reeling from the unexpected events of the past several hours. The Council had somehow intercepted a distress transmission that indicated Saren was on Virmire. Shepard had immediately set course for the garden world and briefed the crew, and they were set to arrive in a few hours. Shepard knew she should use the time to actually sleep, but she was in no condition to rest now. Even though they finally had a decent lead on the rogue Spectre, were finally able to crystallize upon a hard, fast objective, she found herself unable to take comfort in that fact. She was restless, anxious, and distracted; she needed something to focus on while she forced herself to relax and consider her next step.<p>

Hands trembling, she retrieved her Karpov and cleaning kit and sat down at her desk. She activated her terminal and the sound of a light, classical piano filled the room as she unrolled a towel and began stripping down the pistol. Her fingers moved deftly over the weapon as she disassembled it with practiced ease, and she quickly fell into the familiar cleaning routine that had been drilled into her since basic. Shepard started to relax, and her mind wandered as her hands were finally occupied.

She hadn't had time to speak to Liara again, and the commander deliberated on how exactly to handle the situation. She still couldn't believe what she had told the asari, and how she had so willingly confessed to the single most horrible moment of her life. The fact that she felt compelled to even speak about it was in and of itself an issue - and she still could not understand why she had - but right now she had more practical concerns. Shepard didn't think Liara would maliciously tell anyone else what she had discovered, but the uncovering of such a severe emotional trauma could potentially cast doubt on her mental state, and subsequently, her ability to command the Normandy. The human's jaw tensed. She wanted to pretend the entire episode hadn't happened, and hopefully she could convince Liara of the same.

Her door chime sounded, and Shepard had a feeling who it probably was. She sighed and swung around in her seat. Liara was in her doorway, clutching two steaming mugs and wearing a somewhat apprehensive look. The apology was on her lips before she even spoke. Shepard wondered if her deference was a product of the asari's formal upbringing, or if she was now seeing the commander in a new light.

"I-I am sorry for the intrusion, but I heard the music. I thought you might care for cup of tea," she offered hesitantly.

Shepard waved her in. "Sure. Thanks." Her expression softened at the relived look that crossed Liara's face and she made sure to nod appreciatively as she accepted the mug. She sniffed the beverage cautiously, and immediately recognized the sweet herbal smell. She took a careful sip, and discovered that the drink was surprisingly complex; bright and clean but with a slightly bitter aftertaste. Realizing that Liara was still standing over her expectantly, Shepard nodded again, then gestured to an empty chair near her desk. "It's good. Want to sit for a minute?"

"Thank you." Liara walked in front of Shepard and sat down in the offered chair, sitting next to the desk but facing the opposite direction. She favored the human with a warm smile. "I am glad you like the tea. It is one of my favorite blends."

"I know." Shepard took another sip, and her fingers started tapping the side of the mug. She abruptly spun back around, placing the tea on the corner of her desk and returning to her project. "Look, about earlier..." she began slowly, as she attached an old-fashioned bore brush to a cleaning rod and started vigorously running it through the Karpov's barrel. "I would really appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone. About my parents." The delicate smell of the tea was soon overpowered by the harsh sting of cleaning solvent.

"Of course." The asari sounded affronted, but Shepard didn't look up to check. "Did you think I would speak of it?"

Shepard shrugged slightly. "Not really. I just went through all that psych eval shit after Akuze. It was an experience I don't care to repeat. I don't want to give anyone an excuse to do that again."

"Ah. I understand." There was a heavy pause before she spoke again. "Have you ever told anyone before?" she asked, very softly.

Shepard's eyes darkened and flicked up from her project for an instant, meeting the asari's serene gaze. The commander quickly looked back down. "No. Never." She discerned movement out of the corner of her eye as Liara shifted in her seat but did not respond. The asari settled back in the chair as she looked away from the commander, focusing on the widow on the far side of the room.

Neither of them spoke as Shepard concentrated on her project and Liara calmly sipped her tea. Somehow, the awkwardness that had permeated the air whenever their previous conversations had lapsed was gone. Instead, the silence was now surprisingly comforting. Shepard's earlier anxiety had dissipated, and she reveled in the familiarity of the cleaning routine, the light strains of the music, and the calming presence of the asari sitting mere feet away. Shepard felt a slight buzz in the air, almost like static electricity, and wondered if it was emanating from the gifted biotic, and if so, why she had never noticed it before.

"This is a beautiful selection. I have never heard you play this genre of music before," Liara commented. Her lilting voice seemed to harmonize perfectly with the richly layered piece playing throughout the room.

"It's an ancient Earth composer named Beethoven. Hundreds of years old." Shepard lifted the pistol and closed one eye to peer down the barrel and inspect her work. She grabbed another cleaning pad and continued wiping out the bore. "This was one of my mom's favorite songs," she added suddenly, almost as an afterthought.

"Oh?" Liara causally sipped at her tea.

Shepard shifted in her seat, her head bent so far down that the tips of her bangs brushed the pistol. "Yeah. She insisted I learned how to play the classics."

"You play an instrument?" If the asari had made any effort to conceal her surprise, Shepard hadn't detected it.

The commander sighed. "Piano. I had lessons every day after school. Hated every minute of it." A brief, wistful smile flashed across her face before vanishing. "It turned out that was the best part of the day. Just the two of us...before my father came home."

The implication hung heavily in the air, and for a moment neither of them spoke. Liara was the first to break the silence, licking her lips slightly as she cautiously ventured forth. "You said he...went after your mother." The statement came hesitantly, as Liara stumbled slightly over the unfamiliar human vernacular. She glanced over to check Shepard's reaction. The commander's brows furrowed in concentration as she began meticulously cleaning out the pistol's slide and ejector. Her jaw twitched.

"Yeah. A couple times a week. Me too, if I got in the way."

"And how often did you get in the way?" Shepard heard a distinct tremor in Liara's tone.

"Often," Shepard replied flatly. She reached for a tube of lubricant with her right arm, wiry muscles tensing and causing the tattoo to ripple. The human turned slightly to face Liara, and gestured with her other hand at the scarring that extended under the bright ink. "They got into once when my mom was cooking dinner. I managed to get in between them, but his hand came flying across the stove and knocked over an entire pot of boiling water." Shepard glanced down to the floor, then returned to her project. She didn't feel the need to elaborate further.

"You were trying to protect her." Liara's voice was barely above a whisper.

Shepard chewed her lip. "I didn't try hard enough."

"You cannot believe that," the asari said in disbelief. "You were a child. What could you have possibly done?" Shepard turned her head and met Liara's gaze. She was wearing the same soft, serene expression on her finely etched features, and the clear blue of her eyes seemed to look right through the human without any effort.

"Something. Anything." Shepard began hastily reassembling the pistol, still feeling the weight of Liara's gently piercing gaze. It was like she was being cut by fine, expensive glass.

"As if just _anything_ would have saved your mother, or mine? Or Corporal Toombs and your platoon on Akuze?" Liara paused, inhaling sharply before continuing. "Or...me?"

Shepard suddenly slammed the pistol down and pushed away from her desk with a huff of frustration. She leaned forward, her elbows resting heavily on her knees as she rubbed her face with her hands. She heard the slight creak of the chair and the rustle of fabric, and then Liara was next to her, leaning against the desk. A warm mug was pressed against her wrist, and Shepard opened her hands to accept the tea she had barely touched earlier.

"None of that was your fault," Liara stated firmly.

Shepard sipped the tea, then began shaking her head in disagreement. "No, you don't understand..." She opened and closed her mouth several times as she struggled to explain. "There are other things I've done, things that can never be forgiven..."

"What are you talking about?"

The commander sighed and abruptly sat back up. "Nothing. Never mind - forget I said anything." She slid back toward the desk, picked up the pistol again and began rapidly cycling the action to ensure the components were oiled properly. Liara's hand closed around Shepard's, and slowly pushed the weapon back down to the desktop. She kept her hand there, thumb lightly grazing the human's battered knuckles as she spoke in that same firm, yet soft, tone.

"I will not pretend to understand what you have experienced, but I have seen a part of it. And I know that whatever decisions you have made were the best you could have done in those circumstances. Your past does not define you, Evan." Shepard looked up at the sound of her name, into the brilliant blue of Liara's eyes. The faint buzz she had been experiencing ever since the asari had set foot in her cabin began to feel even stronger.

Shepard was silent for a moment as she contemplated the asari's words. The corners of her mouth twitched upwards slightly. "Are you sure you're only 106? Because I think you sound more like a matriarch right now," she said lightly.

Liara laughed at the compliment. It was a bright, melodic sound, and Shepard thought it was more beautiful than anything a human composer could hope to create. "Yes, well, perhaps my educational background has afforded me some extra perspective on things." She gave Shepard's hand an affectionate squeeze, then reached over to grab a cleaning pad. "But I still cannot understand how a career soldier managed to get gun oil on her face."

Shepard's hand went to her forehead, and felt a smudge of oily residue on her skin. Her bangs must have brushed against her pistol while she was applying the lubricant. She ducked her head, cheeks reddening as she hastily swiped at the spot. Liara lightly slapped her hand away.

"Now you are just making it worse," she gently chided. She lifted Shepard's chin with the fingertips of one hand while the other slowly dabbed up the oil with the pad. The human watched Liara's brow furrow ever so slightly in concentration.

"I'm sorry I said you should leave the Normandy. I should never have even suggested it," Shepard said suddenly.

Liara smiled. It was a small, almost wistful expression. "I understand why you did."

"You do?"

The smile faded somewhat, but Liara brought her fingertips up to graze Shepard's cheek. "You cannot protect me from everything. Including yourself."

Liara's touch felt electric, like a spark had passed from her hand to Shepard's skin. Blood thundered in her ears as her pulse quickened, and the human was suddenly crushed by an onslaught of emotions. Maybe Liara was right - maybe Shepard couldn't protect her, but there was no question in her mind that she would damn well try. A surge of ferocity rippled through her, resulting in the dual desire to fight off anything that would dare harm Liara, but to also leap up and crash into the asari's mouth with hers.

Shepard turned away, her blush deepening, and cleared her throat harshly, overwhelmed by her sudden, visceral reaction and frantically trying to tamp it down. Liara's hand dropped from her face and she pushed herself away from the desk.

"I should be going. I know you need your rest," she said softly, reaching for her empty mug. Shepard glanced back towards her, but remained seated.

"Thanks, Liara. For the tea, and...everything."

"You are welcome." Liara briefly hesitated, then reached out to draw her hand through Shepard's hair. "I am always available, if you ever wish to talk."

Shepard just nodded, choking back a sigh as Liara took her hand away and went to exit the cabin. The commander watched her leave with the hint of a smile on her face, the slight buzz in the air lingering long after the asari was gone.


	9. Paradise Lost

**Chapter 8: Paradise Lost **

_Maybe I'm new at this_

_Or is it just your reaction?_

_Be my illusion and I'll be your distraction_

_I'll take you on_

Shepard stood on the edge of the shoreline, eyes closed and hands clasped behind her as she listened to the rhythmic motion of the waves. The waves lapped gently at the beach, occasionally gaining enough momentum to splash slightly against the base of her greaves. The cove where the STG had set up camp acted as a natural breakwater, and Shepard supposed that shielded them from the water's more aggressive tendencies, although she was still surprised at how truly calm it was. For some reason, she had always assumed oceans were rollicking, dangerous things, with unpredictable behaviors and sudden, massive waves that ensnared anything on the surface and dragged their victims down to its depths. She let out a brief chuckle of amusement at her own ignorance, realizing that she had probably just seen one too many vids.

The breeze shifted, and with it brought the fresh sting of the salty sea air against Shepard's cheeks, and the slight sounds of someone approaching. She could tell they were trying to be stealthy, but weren't quite skilled enough yet. Plus, they would never be able to mask the shift in the air. It was a distinct sensation that the commander had started paying very close attention to. While she had originally described it as a buzzing feeling, she realized that it was actually more like static electricity, as if a surge of ions was building up around her and crackling as they strained for release. The change in the atmosphere marked the arrival of only one person, and a small grin tugged at the corners of Shepard's mouth.

"Not this time, Doctor."

Liara emerged from behind a rocky outcropping several yards behind the commander, wearing an exaggerated look of disappointment. "I suppose sneaking up on you for a third time would be too much to ask."

Shepard opened her eyes and looked over her shoulder. "I can't keep letting diminutive archeologists get the jump on me. I have a reputation to uphold, you know."

"Indeed." Liara walked across the beach to join Shepard at the waterline, her armor-clad boots leaving behind deep hollows in the sand. "Such a lack of situational awareness would be most troubling."

Shepard laughed slightly, then shook her head. She returned her gaze to the far horizon, where the deep cerulean of the water touched light blue sky. Shepard decided it was only the second most beautiful thing she had laid eyes on that day. She shifted her weight slightly and cleared her throat. "How's Kirrehe coming along?"

"They should be finished shortly. Within the next twenty minutes, I was told," Liara said. Shepard just nodded in response and kept looking out over the ocean. The asari turned toward the commander and began studying her profile, although Liara was unsure of she was looking for. She had often found herself admiring the strong line of Shepard's jaw and the fullness of her lips, but even as familiar as those features had become, they still betrayed no emotion to the asari. Liara wasn't fooled, however; she knew there was a great deal going on just below the surface, things that, as hard as the human worked, could not always be concealed. It had taken her decades to decipher the language of an extinct civilization, and sometimes she wondered if it would take just as long to translate the commander.

"How are you, Shepard?"

Shepard tensed slightly, but did not move. She knew immediately what Liara was asking about. "Fine." It wasn't a complete lie, but it was still a fair distance from the truth. She almost had killed a member of her crew, and they were preparing for an op that could only be described as suicidal. How the hell was she supposed to feel?

Liara knew it was too much to expect an honest answer from Shepard, but she still was disappointed by the response. "Kaidan was concerned about you," she said, unwilling to drop the subject.

"Kaidan worries too much."

"Maybe," Liara conceded. "He seemed convinced that you were actually going to shoot Wrex had he not stood down." She paused, licking her suddenly dry lips before continuing. "Would you have?"

Shepard's eyes flicked over to the asari, but she didn't answer. Liara just looked away.

They stood together at the waterline in silence, shoulders nearly touching. Shepard looked down at her feet, watching the water slowly brushed against her boot then retreated, leaving behind swirling eddies that sucked up tiny bits of sand. It felt as if she was sinking more and more into the soft sand with each wave.

"I've never been to the ocean before," Shepard said softly. She sensed a surge of energy from Liara, and the buzzing increased for a moment before dissipating.

"Really?" Liara was incredulous. A majority of Thessia was covered in oceans, and her mother's estate had only been a few kilometers from Armali's main beachfront. While she hadn't been home in decades, she still couldn't conceive of an childhood that did not revolve around the powerful Thessian seas. "Never?"

"Well, I grew up by a lake, but I never went to the beach or anything," Shepard explained. "I - we - really didn't venture outside of our neighborhood. Besides, the water was too polluted from all the manufacturing discharge and runoff. And whenever they did clean it up enough to swim in, they usually only did the north side beaches, where all the rich neighborhoods were."

Liara thought she saw something in Shepard's eyes flash, but decided that it could have just been a stray beam of light reflecting from the water's surface. "So what do you think?" She nudged Shepard's shoulder with her own.

Shepard inclined her head slightly, giving something akin to a nod of approval. "It's not what I expected. I didn't think it would be so..." She trailed off, groping for the right word.

"Peaceful?" Liara offered.

Shepard turned to look at Liara, cocking her head as she considered the suggestion. "Yeah. Peaceful," she said hesitantly, as if her lips had never formed the word before. Shepard glanced down, then back up into Liara's eyes, suddenly realizing that they matched the deep hue of the ocean, rather than the sky blue she had originally thought they were. The asari smiled slightly, then reached out and gently squeezed Shepard's hand. Even through the thick webbing of her gloves, the human felt a jolt of electricity run down her spine.

"Everyone deserves a moment of peace. Even you, Commander." Liara held Shepard's gaze, then turned to leave, slowly letting her hand fall away. She took several steps before Shepard called out to her.

"Liara...you don't have a bioamp, do you?" Liara looked back, frowning at the odd question. "I mean, I've never seen one on you, but I wasn't sure," Shepard quickly added, as she reached into her chest plate and pulled out her cigarette case.

"No, I've never needed one. Most asari do not; they are usually only used by commandos." Her facial markings twitched as her brow furrowed in confusion. "Why do you ask? Has there been an issue with my biotics?"

"No, not at all." Shepard chewed on her lower lip and began idly fumbling with the metal case on her hands. "I was just curious."

"I see." More half-truths, but Liara decided to let it pass, as much as the cryptic question piqued her curiosity. Shepard herself was not a biotic, and had never expressed a direct interest in the asari's abilities before. "I will meet you at the camp, then?"

Shepard nodded, and stopped playing with the case long enough to withdraw a cigarette. "I'll be there in a minute," she said, putting the it to her lips. She twisted her torso and hunched her shoulders against the sea breeze as she began flicking her lighter.

"Very well. Oh, and Shepard?"

"Yeah?"

The commander glanced up to see Liara smiling mischievously. The asari waved a solitary finger, and Shepard felt the brush of an energy field against her cheek as the cigarette flew out of her mouth and landed in the surf. Shepard's eyes widened in surprise, which just made Liara's smile grow.

"Those are not good for you," she announced, then turned and sauntered away without another word.

Shepard watched her leave, blatantly admiring the way her hips swayed even in her full armor. As she departed, the buzzing slowly began to fade until it finally disappeared altogether. The commander shook her head and went to light another cigarette, but just as she brought the lighter to her face something stopped her. She took the cigarette out of her mouth and looked at it for a long moment. She sighed and returned it to the case.

* * *

><p>Shepard had managed to keep herself together through the whole thing.<p>

Through the final moments just before the bomb detonated, as the Normandy barely escaped the blast radius. Through the shocked, still quiet that filled the ship immediately afterwards, as Liara cried silently into her shoulder. During the debriefing, standing tall with her back straight and chin high, steadfast and strong as the rest of her crew looked stricken. Even during the bullshit call with the Council, offering their hollow platitudes as if she hadn't just made the most difficult decision of her entire life.

But now...now she couldn't hold it in any longer.

She tore through the Presidium, barely acknowledging Anderson; instead just waving a disgusted hand at the farce of a meeting she just left. Her features were impassive, a stone mask even as every other muscle in her body was tightly coiled with rage. Shepard thought of Udina, of his smug expression, of his barely restrained glee as the Council smacked her down like an upstart child, and wanted nothing more than to put her fist through his arrogant face.

Shepard stomped through C-Sec, through the security checkpoints, through the docking bay until she finally reached the Normandy. She tried to steady herself in the airlock, breathing deeply and pinching the bridge of her nose during the decontamination cycle, only to have the VI politely inform her that she was moving too much, and forcing her to endure the excruciating process all over again. When she was finally released, she blew through the CIC like a whirlwind. Only when the elevator doors closed in front of her did she stop.

Shepard sighed, her broad shoulders sagging as she ran a hand through her hair. She closed her eyes and again pinched her nose, as if trying to fight off an inevitable headache. Almost imperceptibly, she started trembling.

Ashley had been right: Kaidan was the better soldier. He was intelligent, strong, compassionate - a veritable poster child for everything good that the Alliance stood for, and a skilled biotic to boot. He was the type of officer Shepard would need if they expected to ever defeat the Reaper threat. Really, as callous as it sounded, the decision should have been an obvious one.

But Ashley had been with the bomb.

And again Shepard chose to destroy.

The commander gritted her teeth. How many times in her life had she made that same decision? How many times had she chosen destruction, to kill, to snuff out something that was bright and good? The universe was cold and dark, and it seemed that no matter how hard she tried, she just kept adding to that darkness.

Yet, she had been so willing, so eager to end the Cerberus scientist as he quivered beneath her boot. Or thought twice about shooting Finch, or that sniveling Ethan Jeong on Feros. Hadn't they all tempted fate? Hadn't Kaidan? Fuck, he had been so goddamn eager to go with Kirrahe's squad, practically giddy at the chance to join a damn suicide run. But then again, if he hadn't volunteered, she would be mourning Ashley right now. Did that mean Kaidan deserved to die? Did Finch?

Benezia?

Her father?

The elevator doors opened, and Shepard found herself alone in the mess hall. The Normandy was in night mode, and most of the crew was either asleep or enjoying a brief respite on the Citadel. She slowly looked up, eyes dark and flashing beneath thick eyelashes, and her gaze fell on a nearby table and chairs. Nothing was bolted down.

* * *

><p>Karin Chakwas pressed the brandy tumbler into Liara's hand insistently, ignoring the asari's protests, then watched as she made sure the asari took a healthy sip. She smiled wanly as the tremors immediately stopped.<p>

"Better?"

Liara nodded slowly. "Yes." She extended her hand to return the glass.

"No, dear. You finish that. You need it more than I do." Chakwas leaned back in her seat and crossed her legs, carefully considering the young doctor,. Liara's normally bright features were drawn and her entire body was weighed down with grief, but while that was to be expected, Chakwas was surprised when she noticed something else. It was slight, no doubt, but still apparent to her trained eye: Liara was changing. A harsh glint was forming in the deep blue irises, and the line of her jaw was becoming sharper and more defined. Even the fullness of her mouth was gone, as she firmly pressed her indigo lips together into a thin line. Chakwas could understand the transformation, given the immense grief and loss the asari had seen and experienced in such a short period of time, but was still saddened by the revelation.

"How are you doing, Liara?" Chakwas asked, the sides of her mouth pulling down to a frown.

Liara looked up from the tumbler, where she had been gazing distantly into the amber liquor. Her brow furrowed slightly, and she opened her mouth to respond when she was interrupted.

The crash was as shocking as it was loud, with the vibrations from impact reverberating through the deck. They locked eyes for a moment, then another crash, this one followed closely by the sound of glass shattering. Wordlessly, they simultaneously bolted out of their seats and ran towards the infirmary's entrance.

The chair was already hurtling toward them when the doors slid open, and would have struck Chakwas square in the head had Liara not thrown up a timely barrier. The chair bounced harmlessly off the biotic field and skittered across the floor, coming to rest near the source of its launch. Shepard stood in the middle of a ransacked mess hall, a table and a handfuls of chairs scattered about her feet, including one she had sent sailing into the small kitchenette, obliterating several pieces of glassware and severely denting the refrigeration unit. She barely registered their presence or how closely she had come to hitting the medical officer; instead only glancing over, chest heaving, a feral look in her eyes, then returned to her demolition. Glass crunched beneath her boots as she took two steps, grasped the edge of another table and wrenched it free of its magnetic clamps, flipping it end over end.

Chakwas remained unmoved. She had witnessed scenes like this before, as soldiers raged against their helplessness. At the height of their passion, it was foolish to reason with them or try to reassure them, and usually the best course was to just wait as they let it all out. Even as Chakwas made that determination, though, she was still troubled. There was more to the commander's outburst, and she had caught a glimpse of it in Shepard's gleaming eyes. Memories were crowding in, at the edge of Shepard's vision, and there was nothing that could be done. It wasn't about what happened on Virmire, or even Akuze; Shepard was haunted by something much more sinister. Chakwas doubted that anyone would truly know what drove Shepard's turmoil, and could only watch as the commander fought against whatever was slowly consuming her.

And yet, as content as the doctor was to let the episode pass, Liara appeared determined to intervene. She strode briskly across the mess, gracefully avoiding the debris that littered the deck and, with a remarkable fearlessness, slid her body between Shepard and the chair the commander had been reaching for. For a moment, Chakwas thought Shepard would plow heedlessly into the smaller asari, but Liara placed both hands on her shoulders, stopping Shepard's forward momentum. Shepard immediately resisted, turning her head and twisting her entire body away from Liara, but the maiden held fast. Liara reached up and gripped Shepard's cheeks with both hands, trying to bring the commander's face towards hers. And then she spoke.

"Evan. Stop."

Chakwas wasn't sure what amazed her more - the bold use of Shepard's first name, or the commander's reaction to it. At the sound of Liara's voice, Shepard stopped struggling, and allowed herself to be drawn in so that their foreheads were nearly touching. Liara spoke again, and although her voice was now too low for Chakwas to discern what the asari was saying, she could see Shepard visibly relax. The commander swallowed hard, several times, then nodded faintly. Liara loosened her grip, but did not remove her hands, and instead began lightly stroking Shepard's face with her thumbs. Shepard let out a long, deep breath, then reached forward to wrap her arms around the asari's waist.

Chakwas smiled to herself, and decided that now would be a good time to leave. She turned her back to the couple, and just as she was about to return to the infirmary, Joker's voice came over the comm, followed closely by an explosive curse from Shepard. Chakwas glanced over her shoulder in time to see Shepard stomp petulantly towards the elevator, catching the asari in a meaningful gaze before disappearing behind the closing doors. Liara watched the doors for a moment, before looking back at the medical officer with a shy smile, unable to hide the deep purple blush steadily inching up the side of her face. Chakwas gave her an encouraging nod, then silently slipped away.

Chakwas returned to her desk and, after a moment's thought, poured herself a glass of brandy. She swirled the liquor around in the heavy tumbler as she opened a private comm link to the Normandy's bridge.

"That wasn't very nice, Jeff."

"Anderson needed to speak to her! What was I supposed to do?" Chakwas arched a brow at the reply. Joker's act of feigned innocence failed miserably, even over the audio-only channel.

"I'm sure it was a dire emergency," she said dryly.

"Hey, don't get mad at me just because you're about to lose, Doc."

Chakwas had served with more than her fair share of crews, and as with any ship, scuttlebutt about the commanding officer's extracurricular activities was always a favorite pastime. The Normandy was no different in that regard, and as soon as Liara's attraction to Shepard became obvious, rumors began flying through the crew. The speculation had increased ten-fold once there was the slightest evidence that Shepard might reciprocate the asari's feelings. It was in one of those wild gossiping sessions where Joker had proclaimed - rather loudly, and after consuming several pints of batarian ale - that nothing would ever happen between the two of them, just as Chakwas came within earshot of the conversation. Personally, she considered such talk unprofessional and a waste of time, but she had always been a shrewd woman, and when it became clear that Joker hadn't the faintest idea what he was talking about, she couldn't resist the bet. And based on what she had just witnessed, she was confident her credits were safe.

"I don't intend on losing," she said.

Joker snorted. "Sure. Look, for as much a badass as Shepard can be, she's a total chickenshit when it comes to women. It ain't happening."

Chakwas rolled her eyes slightly and barely restrained herself from dispensing yet another lecture on the characteristics of mono-gendered species. Instead, she just leaned back in her chair and took a long draw of brandy before replying. "We'll see."


	10. The Big Bang

**A/N:** Again, thank you for all the follows and reviews. Your kind words are much appreciated.

I hope you are all reading the awesomeness that is Dr. Jekyl's "That Which Was Lost." If not, go there now. It's way better than this. Seriously. I'll wait.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9: The Big Bang<strong>

_All I've known_

_All I've done_

_All I've felt_

_Was leading to this _

Shepard rubbed at her temples, fighting valiantly against both her pounding headache and the growing urge to unload several rounds into the map interface. She had lost track of how many hours she had been standing here, hunched over the galaxy map, aimlessly scanning countless systems to find anything closely resembling the image the Cipher had burned into her brain. She desperately needed a break, if for nothing else than for a damn cigarette, but she couldn't allow herself to leave. Anderson's brilliant, ridiculous plan had worked: the Normandy was free, at a great personal risk to him, and Shepard refused to let his sacrifices go to waste just because she didn't know where the hell they were supposed to be going.

And therein was the problem - Shepard _did_ know where they were headed. Sort of.

The planet was distinctly familiar to the commander, yet the specific details remained maddeningly out of reach. Shepard knew she had somehow come across it before, whether on a combat mission or maybe a routine mineral survey. In fact, she had been so confident of that knowledge that she had planted herself in front of the map with barely a word to anyone, convinced that she would have their course in a matter of moments. But then moments had stretched inexorably into hours, and their destination remained frustratingly unattainable. The commander began to wonder if the Cipher had somehow placed a false memory within her mind, just as the Beacon's imagery had somehow been seared into her subconscious.

Shepard sighed, then stretched her muscled arms overhead, groaning slightly at the pops and creaks that released from her aching back. She leaned back in her chair, closed her eyes, and began massaging her temples again. She focused on the planet, on what the Cipher had shown her, and tried to verbalize the images she was seeing. Words kept coming to her, phrases describing the lush, verdant forestry, the intricate architecture of great cities, of twisting, graceful spires reaching to impossible heights -

Shepard's eyes shot open. She hadn't _been _to the planet.

She'd read about it.

* * *

><p>Liara nearly fell out of her chair when Shepard barreled into the science lab unannounced, and for a brief moment, seriously wondered if her translator was malfunctioning. Shepard had a wild, excited look in her eyes, and Liara could barely understand the garbled bits and pieces of what the commander was trying to say. It took her a moment to realize that her translator was actually working, and that Shepard was just so excited she couldn't string together a coherent sentence.<p>

The asari rose from the small desk and placed a steadying hand on Shepard's shoulder. "By the Goddess, Evan! I cannot understand a word you are saying."

Shepard looked as if she briefly tried to steady herself, but then quickly decided it wasn't worth the effort. "Your paper!" she blurted out.

"My...paper?"

"Yes! The one you wrote on Prothean - um, uh...what the hell was it called again?" Shepard pressed two fingers to her forehead and began doing a strange dance, hopping exaggeratedly from one foot to another as she strained to recall the title. In any other moment, with any other person, Liara was sure she would have found such a display to be patently absurd. However, she readily admitted that the sight of the Normandy's normally reserved commander bouncing around like an hyperactive Salarian was rather endearing.

"Prothean...?" Liara frowned. She had written numerous works throughout the decades, some more well-received then others, but her output was so prodigious that she had no idea which paper Shepard was going on about.

"'Agricultural Strategies and Political Economy During the Prothean Third Age'!" Shepard suddenly exclaimed. "Do you have a copy?"

"Of course." Liara reached over and carefully extracted a data pad from the neat stack on her desk. She scrolled through the display and highlighted a selection before handing it over to the commander, who had ceased hopping back and forth and was now lightly bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Shepard, what is - " Liara was silenced by a wave of Shepard's hand as she frantically began flipping through the walls of text on the display. Liara maneuvered closer to the human, peering over her right arm to view what Shepard was searching for. The commander stopped and pointed a finger at heavily-footnoted paragraph.

"There. That's where we have to go."

Liara leaned in closer, quickly skimming the passage. It was from one of her earlier papers, written during her first years of graduate study. Sadly, it had faded into obscurity rather quickly; she hadn't truly started to make any headway with her theories until her doctoral thesis. She was wondering why Shepard was suddenly obsessed with this, out of all her works, when her breath caught in her throat as she realized what she was reading.

"Ilos," she whispered, then looked up into Shepard's eyes. "This...this is what the Cipher showed you?"

Shepard nodded, and as the commander gave her a shy little grin, Liara knew that the human understood the importance of what she had found. "You're going to Ilos, Doctor," she said.

"I'm going to Ilos," Liara repeated incredulously, taking a step back, overwhelmed with emotion as the realization hit her. Her hands started trembling and she took several deep breaths to steady herself. To have discovered the true reason for the Protheans' extinction, see a working Beacon, and now actually set foot on Ilos, all in a matter of months...it was too much to believe. She had reached the culmination of decades of painstaking and underappreciated work, and she had one person to thank for it.

Liara wasn't sure if it was the excitement of a new discovery, the sudden rush of professional ego she experienced, or the nervous, expectant look on Shepard's face. But whatever the reason, she found herself impulsively throwing her arms around the commander's neck and pulling her into a deep, heady kiss.

Shepard let out a muffled cry of surprise, and Liara immediately began pulling back, feeling a rush of embarrassment. But then she heard a low growl and Shepard suddenly surged forward, carelessly dropping the data pad to the floor with a clatter. The kiss was returned forcefully and Liara felt strong arms wrap around her waist, drawing them closer together.

It wasn't supposed to be this perfect. Liara knew she was woefully inexperienced for someone her age, but it wasn't for lack of trying. Her first fumbling attempts at intimacy occurred during her university years, and always seemed to end badly, no matter how enthusiastic she was. Either their heads didn't lean the right way, or their teeth accidentally knocked together, or everyday articles of clothing suddenly became too complicated to shed. It always ended with sheepish glances and frustrated sighs, and after a while Liara decided she just couldn't be bothered with such trivial matters.

But even if she had been more experienced, she doubted there was anything that could have prepared her for this. For how perfectly Shepard's mouth fit against hers, the softness of her lips, the bruising intensity that was somehow tender at the same time. Liara sunk into the kiss, pressing into Shepard as she felt the human's fingers dig into the back of her lab coat. She clutched at fistfuls of Shepard's hair, drawing out that same low moan the commander always made when Liara ran her fingers through the thick curls. Liara didn't need to meld to sense the barely restrained need coming off the human in waves, and it filled her with a desire and longing so strong it was almost frightening.

Somehow, the kiss broke, and they stood in each other's arms, hearts thundering madly. Liara had no idea how much time had passed, but then realized it didn't matter. It could have lasted for hours and it still would not have been enough.

"I have, um - see Joker - set course," Shepard stammered nonsensically, a dazed look on her face.

Liara swallowed hard, still out of breath. "Y-yes, of course." Her hands were still twisted in Shepard's hair, and it took her a moment to find the strength to slowly unwind her fingers from the human's neck. Shepard cleared her throat loudly and took an awkward step back.

"I'll, uh, see you later." The commander, now flushing a distinct shade of red, turned and nearly tripped over her own feet as she reached down to retrieve the data pad. Liara suppressed a smile, hiding her mouth behind a slender hand as Shepard stumbled again. She managed to recover enough to make it towards the door, but just before she reached the exit, something struck Liara and called after her.

"Wait...you've read my work?"

Shepard blinked. "I've read all your papers, Liara," she said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the galaxy. She gave her that shy, small grin again, and Liara felt her heart skip.

Then she slipped through the door and was gone.

* * *

><p>Shepard folded up the cuff of her trouser and tucked the extra material under the band of fabric that wrapped around the upper ankle of her boot. She tugged at each side, making sure the trousers were precisely and evenly bloused. She straightened, then began absently rubbing her sweaty palms against the tops of her thighs. After a moment she abruptly stood and walked into her private bath. She gripped both sides of the sink fiercely, letting her head hang forward, as she fought the tremors in her hands and the twisting nervousness in her stomach.<p>

This was ridiculous. She was a goddamn officer in the Alliance Marines, commander of the fleet's most advanced ship, and the first human Spectre. She had survived when others died, had excelled when others failed, and had seen and done things that would make a lesser person faint. And yet, here she was, shaking in her freshly-polished boots at the prospect of talking to a member of her crew.

Of course, it wouldn't be this nerve wracking if she weren't so acutely aware that the last thing she wanted to do with Liara was _talk_.

No. She was just going to talk to Liara, nothing more. It was a perfectly reasonable thing to do, and as an officer, it was her duty to ensure her entire crew was prepared for the difficult mission ahead. Any uneasiness or awkwardness between her and Liara required immediate attention so there would be no distractions when they reached Ilos. The asari was a vital member of her crew, and Shepard needed her to be clear and focused if their mission had any chance of success.

Her cheeks puffed out as she exhaled heavily, and she absently ran a hand through her hair, dislodging several curls. She frowned and tried to put the unruly pieces back, but only succeeded in knocking more loose. Shepard growled in frustrated, and soon admitted defeat, pointedly ignoring the little voice telling her that it didn't matter, because her hair was going to messed up anyway...

Stop. The mission comes first. The mission _always_ comes first.

Braced by her sudden resolve, Shepard spun decisively on her heel, walked out of the bath and exited her quarters, striding purposefully across the mess hall to the entrance to the infirmary. She was through the door and nearly halfway across the room before she was stopped.

"Commander?"

Chakwas spun around in her seat to give Shepard an inquisitive look. Shepard tore her eyes away from the science lab door and brought them over to return Chakwas's gaze. The commander stiffened and clasped her hands behind her back.

"Just doing rounds, Doctor. I assume everything is set to go here?"

"Absolutely, Commander. I just finished replenishing our medigel supplies and prepping all the beds. Including your favorite one," Chakwas said dryly, gesturing to the station Shepard had frequented on more than one occasion.

Shepard smiled thinly. "Very good, then." She shifted her weight slightly, and was unable to keep from glancing towards the lab again. She looked back at Chakwas, and immediately saw that the doctor was doing a very poor job of concealing the wry grin slowly spreading across her face. Shepard felt her cheeks begin to flush.

"Well, I think I'll be off," Chakwas proclaimed, pressing her palms down on the surface of the desk and pushing herself out of her chair. "Goodnight, Commander."

Shepard nodded in response. "Doctor." She watched as Chakwas walked brusquely out the door, peering out the small window to make sure she didn't double back for some reason. Shepard frowned when she saw that, instead of heading towards her sleeping pod, Chakwas had veered left and was on her way to the elevator. Shepard wondered what the doctor could possibly want from the other decks, especially since Joker was most likely the only other member of the crew still on duty at this hour.

Shepard waited until she saw the older women step into the elevator, then turned back to the lab entrance. She let out another ragged breath, then steadily stepped forward. She very deliberately keyed the chime and waited patiently for admittance, unlike the previous time when she had barged in unannounced. The door opened, and Shepard quietly stepped inside.

Liara was pacing across the small room, wringing her hands nervously. She stopped when she saw the commander, and broke out into a warm smile. Shepard's heart immediately began beating out a staccato rhythm against her chest.

"Hello, Shepard." The asari's eyes sparkled, even though she kept her hands tightly clenched in front of her. "I am glad you are here. I wanted to speak with you."

"Yeah, well, I figured we should...ah, talk," Shepard managed. She leaned against the wall for support and anxiously scrubbed at the back of her neck as she looked away from Liara. Her eyes came to rest on the small cot in the corner of the room. Shepard felt a sudden lurch in her stomach as she recalled the feel of Liara's body next to hers.

"I agree. I believe it is time that we are completely honest with each other."

"Oh?" Shepard glanced up and watched with keen interest as Liara took several nervous steps toward her.

"I know you said that this was terrible timing, but..." Liara trailed off, seemingly searching for words. She touched her forehead lightly, then began anxiously twisting her hands again.

Some unseen force propelled Shepard away from the wall, and she found herself standing in front of the asari. She reached out and gently captured Liara's hands with her own, stopping their motion. "But?" Shepard said, voice barely above a whisper as their fingers slowly laced together.

Liara titled her chin up slightly, apparently regaining her composure. "No one knows what is going to happen tomorrow. It's quite possible that neither of us will be coming back." She paused, staring fiercely into Shepard's face, her ocean blue eyes glittering brightly despite the dim lighting of the lab. The commander's breath caught in her throat. "I do not want to spend the last night we may have together regretting what might have been. Will you...join with me?"

At the request, spoken in Liara's soft, hesitant tone, something inside Shepard broke. Her body sagged forward, and she let out a long, slow breath that she didn't know she had been holding in. It took her a moment before she realized what was happening.

Shepard was tired of fighting. It was all she had ever known, and it was all she had ever done. She had fought for survival against her own father, against the dangers of an urban wasteland; later, she had taken an oath to always fight for the comrade-in-arms next to her, and to fight for those who could not defend themselves. Her entire life was war , just waged in different theaters, and the entire essence of who she was had been forged in the fire of battle.

But this wasn't a war, and Liara wasn't her enemy. Liara was beautiful and kind and brilliant, and had never asked anything of her. She only offered herself as a friend, a confidant, a capable warrior and member of her crew, and Shepard had reflexively fought her every step of the way. Now, she offered something more, and Shepard was still resisting, beating back the torrent of emotion that had threatened to overtake her ever since she had first laid eyes on the asari.

And Shepard decided she didn't want to fight anymore.

She leaned forward, dropping Liara's hands so she could wrap her arms around the asari, and kissed her soundly on the lips. Shepard threw everything she had into the kiss, forgetting all about regulations, appearances, the damn mission. All that mattered was this moment, the two of them, and what was about to occur. Shepard drank in as much as she could, until she felt almost overwhelmed by sensation: the delicately sweet taste of Liara's mouth, the electricity of her touch, that buzz in the air that had somehow settled at the base of her skull and sent tingles down her spine.

"I'm hoping that is a 'yes'," Liara said, gasping, when they finally broke for air. She was grasping at Shepard's collar and clutching fistfuls of her uniform shirt.

"You're goddamn right it is," Shepard said, voice thick and husky. Without waiting for a response, she kissed her again.

This time, when their lips met, Liara made a soft sighing sound, as if she was falling. Something about that noise she made was greedy, and it made Shepard greedy, too. A low, primal growl rumbled from deep in the commander's chest as she picked Liara up and drove her back onto her desk. Liara's hand splayed out on the desktop, knocking over a stack of data pads and sending them careening to the floor. Shepard heedlessly shoved Liara's display monitor across the desk, where it crashed into, and promptly shattered, an empty mug emblazoned with the Normandy's insignia. The monitor hung precariously to the edge of the desk for a brief moment, then also fell. Shepard was only vaguely aware of the destruction they were causing, and could not bring herself to care. The feelings she had worked so hard on clamping down were now boiling over and out of her, and their kissing became almost a gnawing, teeth and lips crashing together with a desperation and need that was nearly violent.

Liara tugged insistently at Shepard's clothes, pulling her uniform shirt and undergarments up and over the human's head with impressive speed. Shepard responded in kind by yanking at the high collar of Liara's lab coat to expose the tender flesh of her throat. Shepard felt the asari give a delicious shudder as she dragged her mouth and teeth down Liara's sensitive neck. She found the coat's zipper and started pulling, and when it proved uncooperative, Shepard reached around and gripped both sides of the seam. Shepard gave a mighty tug, and Liara gasped loudly as her jacket was ripped off and tossed onto the floor, followed quickly by her undershirt. Shepard groaned at the feel of Liara's skin, and dug her fingers into the asari's back, her thighs, her shoulder - anywhere she could find purchase. Liara clawed at Shepard's hair as the human continued kissing down her neck, letting out little moans and whimpers with every touch until Shepard abruptly stopped.

Her lips brushed against the scar at the base of Liara's neck from when she had been shot, and Shepard's eyes darkened as she pulled back to examine it. The rippled, twisted patch of skin stretched from her neck to the top of her shoulder, and was so bright it shone almost white. Shepard swallowed hard. It was a sudden, horrible reminder of how close she had come to losing Liara, and she began to shake.

Shepard felt a hand gently lift her head, and she found herself looking into Liara's eyes. The asari spoke softly, whispering reassurances that washed over Shepard like a wave. They were both here, both alive, and there was nothing out there that could take this from them. The atmosphere shifted as they gazed at each other. The hunger and raw need had dissipated, and was being replaced by something even more powerful. They kissed softly, deeply, and Shepard knew at once that she was being consumed by something other than just pure lust. And even though it scared her, there was no way in hell she was going to stop now.

She lifted Liara off the desk, wrapping the asari's legs around her waist, and carried her over to the cot. Shepard set her down gently, almost reverently, and they quickly shed the rest of their clothes. Liara clasped her hands behind Shepard's neck as the human settled on top of her. Shepard allowed herself to be drawn into the deep blue pools of Liara's eyes, and watched as they began to turn black. Liara pulled Shepard closer and murmured against her lips. Even though Shepard had heard the words before, this time they took on a whole new meaning. Every syllable carried a new weight, a new importance that would leave that phrase forever changed. Time began to slow, and suddenly everything became very still.

Shepard gasped when she felt Liara enter her mind, and instinctively resisted. Liara was patient, however, and Shepard soon relaxed. It was different than the meld before, less probing or inquisitive; instead the human just felt bathed in warmth. The tingling sensations poured down the back of Shepard's skull and through her spine, and she shuddered as Liara cautiously moved deeper, gently bringing their nervous systems in tune with each other. After a moment they became aligned, and it felt as if something clicked into place.

A sense of calm descended upon her like a blanket, and she had a feeling of peace she'd never experienced before. She didn't have to fight. The pain was gone. The darkness had been repelled. All because of Liara.

They kissed fiercely, overwhelmed both by the experience of the meld and their physical desires. Liara drove the connection deeper, and Shepard felt the asari's need flare. It resonated through them both, and Shepard was both amazed and relived at how much it echoed her own. She slowly began trailing a hand down Liara's flat stomach, and Liara moaned and arched her back into Shepard's touch.

The moment itself was easy. They both shuddered, sharing the sensation, and Shepard held them there, her breath ragged against Liara's neck. They began to move, slowly at first, but the pulsing soon quickened and they fell into an effortless rhythm. They pushed closer, deeper, until finally there was no more separation. The physical world drained away and all that remained was one being, one heartbeat, one consciousness.

And then time did stop.

* * *

><p>Liara wasn't sure if she had slept at all, and if she had, it could not have been more than a few hours. She understood the biological process of the meld, as all asari did, but knowing that on an intellectual level was far different than actually experiencing it. She was unprepared for how exhilarating it had been to join with Shepard's mind, how she had been overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions that neither of them could put into words, and, most of all, her body's physical reaction to the human. She had never craved someone so badly; their coupling had been hard and frenzied, and yet there was a surprising current of tenderness coming from Shepard that made Liara melt. She was never one for hyperbole, but she couldn't keep from thinking that last night her life had been completely and irreversibly changed.<p>

They were huddled together in a twisted nest of blankets on the floor of the lab. Shepard lay beside her, chest rising and falling in deep satisfaction. Liara hadn't taken any action to definitively break their connection yet, preferring instead to let it gradually fade away on its own, and she could still feel vague sensations pass between them like a gentle breeze. Liara sensed that Shepard was content, relaxed to the point of near-bliss, and reached her arms around the human to draw her closer, hoping to prolong the moment for as long as she could. She inhaled deeply, reveling in the smell of herbs and mint as she had when they had inadvertently fallen asleep together months ago.

Shepard mumbled incoherently and buried her face into Liara's chest. Liara felt a sudden flash of discomfort from Shepard as she moved, and although it quickly disappeared, the asari couldn't stop the accompanying pang of guilt.

"I'm sorry," she said, pressing her lips against Shepard's forehead. They had ended up on the floor when she had lost herself during the joining and let her biotics flare wildly, throwing Shepard from the cot. Liara had been utterly mortified, but Shepard just laughed, reached up and pulled Liara down to her, bedding and all, and just continued from where they had left off.

"S'okay." Shepard said thickly. "I kinda like it when you toss me around."

"I will be sure to remember that." Liara hugged Shepard closer, idly tracing the pattern of one of the tattoos etched into the human's shoulder blade. She felt Shepard slowly begin to come awake.

"What time is it?" the commander asked a moment later, her voice clearer and more precise. Liara lifted her head to find the chronometer on her desk, which had somehow managed to survive Shepard's swath of destruction. She shivered deliciously at the memory, even though she was secretly glad there hadn't been anything too valuable at her workstation. Although she had been rather fond of that mug.

"0500." Immediately upon her answer, Liara felt a flurry of activity across the remnants of their meld, and the warm, supple muscles beneath her hands suddenly hardened into steel. She made no effort to conceal her disappointment. "We don't have to get up yet, do we? We are not scheduled to arrive at the relay for several more hours."

Shepard sighed. "No, you're right." She slung an arm over Liara's waist and burrowed deeper. Liara began running her hand through Shepard's hair, lightly digging her fingertips into the human's scalp. Shepard let out that familiar moan, and Liara smiled, pleased at her ability to elicit the reaction. "Although, we're not going _anywhere_ if you keep doing that."

Liara kissed Shepard's forehead again. "I know. I've noticed this relaxes you." She felt Shepard's mind quiet, and the tension ebb from her shoulders, just as their connection slowly evaporated.

"You're very observant, Doctor." Liara could feel Shepard's smile against her chest, and her breath hitched as the human brushed her lips against the swell of the asari's breast.

"I am a scientist. I'm _supposed_ to be observant," Liara said with mock indignation, tugging playfully at Shepard's ear.

"Any other findings you care to report?"

"Several, in fact. I have determined, after months of experimentation, that you put far too much sugar in your coffee. You are also a remarkably poor card player."

Shepard poked her gently in the ribs. "Hmph. Anything else?"

"Yes. Subject also has terrible taste in skyball teams."

"Oh, do I?" Shepard sat up and rolled on top of Liara, pinning the asari with her weight as her hip settled between Liara's legs. "Think you have me all figured out, Doctor?" She lowered her voice, and spoke in a low, throaty tone. Her eyes were sparking and alive in a way that Liara had never seen before, and a crooked grin played on her lips. Liara reached up and lightly stroked her fingers across the strong jaw.

"I would never presume, Commander," Liara replied, smiling. "There is much about you I do not know." Liara trailed her hand down Shepard's neck and brushed her fingertips against the black script that curved across Shepard's collarbone. "For example, I have yet to discover the significance of these tattoos."

Shepard slid off the asari, shifting over so that she could prop her head up on a hand. She stifled a yawn, brought her other hand up to rub her face tiredly, then returned it to Liara's hip. Liara waited patiently, watching the human go through the series of motions, unable to determine if Shepard was stalling. She waited patiently, still running her fingers over the dark ink, and then Shepard began to speak.

"After my parents died, I just took off. I remember thinking that it was all my fault, and that I would get in trouble, so I left. Looking back, I guess it doesn't make much sense, but I was scared. Didn't know any better. I didn't have any other family, nowhere else to go, so I started living on the streets. I suppose I took to it pretty well, even though that first winter damn near killed me."

Shepard looked down when she spoke, vacantly staring at a spot just over Liara's shoulder. She let out a heavy sigh. "I fell in with a gang - the 10th Street Reds. There wasn't very many of us, and we were all just a bunch of kids, but we knew we had a better shot of making it if we all stuck together. At first, that's what the tattoos meant - that we were one. Like family. But then we started getting bigger, started attracting attention from some of the more established gangs. We had to start going out in groups of three or four so we wouldn't get jumped. Soon it became a matter of pride."

"So they are expressions of allegiance towards one group over another?" Liara asked, genuinely curious.

Shepard's eyes snapped back to Liara, and she cocked her head slightly, as if she hadn't expected the asari to understand the concept. "Yeah. You wear ink or your specific colors to show your affiliation. Everyone knew that if you mess with one Red, you messed with us all." Shepard dipped her shoulder, giving Liara a better view of her upper arm, and the ragged number etched into the skin. It was less polished or refined as the other tattoos, and looked as if it had been practically carved into her skin. "You got your first ink after you were initiated. Sometimes you'd get one to honor a fellow member, or if you got pinched and did time in jail. But...most of the time you got ink after you put in work."

Liara frowned. "What do you mean? What kind of 'work'?" For the second time that morning, she felt Shepard tense. Liara saw the human's jaw twitch, and her eyes darkened and became flinty. Shepard looked away.

"Li, I..." The commander tried to speak, but couldn't find the words. Liara reached up and took Shepard's face in both of her hands, gently turning the human's head so their eyes met. She gazed up into Shepard's features, searching for what she could not say. Liara knew there was so much going on beneath the surface, guarded and out of reach, but as she peered into the deep sapphire irises, she caught a glimpse of Shepard's turmoil. There was pain there, certainly, and anger; but also sadness, guilt, and maybe even shame. Liara recalled what had been hinted at in their earlier conversations, and the bits and pieces of what she had seen in the meld.

"It's over, Evan. Whatever you did - it does not matter anymore." she said, pulling Shepard down into a kiss. It was long, deep, and powerful; Liara felt Shepard let go of the memories that were crashing in, and their bodies came together seamlessly. They only pulled apart slightly when the kiss ended, their foreheads still touching.

"How do you bring me back like that?" Shepard whispered, her voice a mix of awe and trepidation.

Liara's hands tightened around Shepard's face.

"I will always bring you back."

* * *

><p>Ashley leaned against the galaxy map display, watching the swirl of stars twist and move as she idly zoomed out, then back in again. A blinking icon was in the center of the map, representing the Normandy and her eyes drifted over to slowly gaze at the icon's slow approach the coordinates of the Mu Relay.<p>

"What do you see, Chief?"

Ashley jumped at the sound of her commander's voice, then silently admonished herself. She'd been serving on the Normandy for months; she should have become accustomed to how quietly Shepard moved by now.

"Nothin' but the stars, Skipper." Ashley said with a small smile, as Shepard came over to stand next to her.

"Sure are a lot of them out there," Shepard said, thoughtfully sipping from a steaming mug.

"Yeah, there are, " Ashley agreed.

And then there was silence. Ashley shifted uncomfortably, suddenly nervous and the only thing she could think of to talk about was the upcoming mission, but something told her that Shepard wasn't interested in talking about that particular subject. In fact, Ashley wasn't sure if the commander wanted to talk at all; she seemed utterly content to just stand in front of the map, drinking her coffee, as the Normandy relentlessly approached its target. But then, just as she was about to excuse herself, the silence was broken.

"Do you think your dad's out there, Chief? In the stars?"

Ashley's eyes widened and she took half a step back. That was the last question she ever expected Shepard to ask, especially since the last time they broached the issue of her faith their conversation didn't necessarily end very well. She thought for a moment, and carefully formulated a reply. "Something like that. I know he's in a better place," she said hesitantly.

Shepard nodded, as if she was considering the possibility of an afterlife for the very first time. Ashley turned and looked the other woman up and down, fairly surprised by what she saw. Shepard's hair was more disheveled than it usually was, with her bangs falling forward and several unruly pieces sticking up in back. She also seemed at ease, relaxed in a way that Ashley had never seen before, as if a giant weight had been lifted off the women's chest. And, perhaps most notably, her mouth kept quirking up into a odd little grin that she kept trying to hide behind her coffee mug.

"Why do you ask? I thought you didn't believe in that stuff." Ashley cocked her head, a bemused expression on her face.

Shepard shrugged lightly, almost indifferently, but her voice was low. "I don't believe in a lot of things." She kept her eyes trained on the map in front of her.

Ashley had plenty of experience with soldiers struggling to get right with their god or gods right before a particularly dangerous mission, but the commander, however, had never struck her as the type to indulge in any sort of existential crises. She was debating whether to even ask what brought this on when the elevator opened and revealed Garrus and Wrex engaged in their usual loud banter, with Liara trailing behind them. They all turned to head to the briefing room, but Liara lingered for a moment, giving Shepard a shy smile before following her other crewmates.

Ashley quickly looked at Shepard, who was unable to suppress the goofy, lopsided grin now plastered across her face, and for a brief moment, Ashley actually thought that the first human Spectre was glowing. She glanced back at the entrance to the briefing room and smiled.

"You know, Skipper, I think there's at least one thing out there you can believe in," she said.

Shepard turned to her, and their eyes met for the first time since they began speaking. She chuckled lightly and shook her head. "Yeah. Maybe you're right." The commander knocked back the rest of her coffee, then clapped Ashley on the shoulder.

"C'mon, Chief. Let's go save the universe."


	11. We Could Be Heroes

**A/N: **I want to thank _everyone_ for all of the follows, reviews, PMs, etc - truly, I appreciate every iota of attention this little story received. I'm so excited that I finally finished this, and I can't wait to move on to the next chapter. I hope you all enjoyed it. Thanks for sticking with this, despite the slow pace at which I update.

Best,

-jt-

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10: We Could Be Heroes <strong>

_Consider mine enemies; for they are many; and they hate me with cruel hatred. _

_O keep my soul, and deliver me: let me not be ashamed; for I put my trust in thee._

_Let integrity and uprightness preserve me; for I wait on thee. _

_Redeem Israel, O God, out of all his troubles._

The grenade sailed through the air in a graceful, almost lazy arc. Liara supposed that in any other moment, she would have found some grotesque beauty in the way it soared, the silver plating of the disc reflecting the red and orange hues of the fires raging through the Presidium. Then the explosive landed near her feet, hitting the steps with a slight, almost humorous tinking sound, and finally her instincts kicked in. She dove to the left just as it detonated, slamming her body against a large concrete planter that shielded her from most of the blast.

Liara pressed her back flat against the slab, desperately gasping for air, her chest straining against the breastplate of her armor. A geth incendiary round had come too close for comfort, managing to warp the plating before she could recharge her barriers. The piece was now bent awkwardly, restricting her breathing just enough to be irritating, but she knew it would be unwise to take it off. She slapped a fresh clip into her SMG instead, ignoring the pain in her chest and just focused on taking short, shallow breaths. She was tiring, dangerously so, and although she had stubbornly kept pace with the hardened soldiers next to her, she privately wondered how much longer she could continue. Her biotics had been pushed to their limits and beyond, and despite her best efforts, her entire body was trembling. A flash of panic begin to claw at her throat.

But then she was staring into a pair of deep blue eyes, and a strong but gentle hand was on her shoulder. Shepard knelt in front of her, eyebrows furrowing in concern. She had ditched her helmet immediately after their impromptu spacewalk, much to Liara's chagrin, and her face was covered in soot and grime. The human's hair was damp with sweat and her bangs were plastered to her forehead. Thin beads of moisture ran down the side of her jaw, cutting a bright swath through the layers of dirt. Small nicks and cuts peppered her neck and cheeks. And yet, those deep, dark eyes were sparking with energy and her jaw was firmly set.

She looked remarkable.

Their eyes locked. A fleeting grin crossed the human's smudged face, and she gave Liara's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. Liara let out a long breath, then nodded. A renewed vigor coursed through her body as Shepard moved over to crouch silently next to her. The brief, wordless exchange was all Liara needed, and she began to steady herself. The commander radiated a calm, cool power that filled Liara with a steely determination. She had made it this far, and she would see it through to the end.

She looked across the open space in front of her and saw Ashley hunkered behind a planter on the opposite side. The chief made a few rapid hand gestures, then jerked her head in the direction of the grenade's origin.

Liara peered over the lip of the concrete ridge and watched Saren slowly rise over the main control console, standing on the same floating platform he had used on Virmire. His eyes had a manic gleam in them as he caressed his pistol, and his mandibles were twisted into what Liara could only describe as a leer. Even at this distance, Liara could make out the eerie glow of his cybernetic implants and modifications through the rapidly thickening smoke. The turian looked more like something that had been constructed in a lab, rather than a living, breathing organic. She was unable to suppress a shudder.

"I was afraid you wouldn't make it in time, Shepard," Saren said. Even the subharmonics in his voice seemed mechanical.

"Well, we had to blow up a shit ton of geth to get here," Shepard snapped irritably, and Liara rolled her eyes at the commander's response, but couldn't help but smile slightly. She kept her eyes trained on the deranged turian, trying to keep him in her rifle sights as he hovered spastically. Beside her, Liara heard Shepard reload her own rifle, then felt a gentle pressure against her hip as the human quietly slid an extra heat sink into the pocket on her belt.

Saren cackled at Shepard's retort. "You've lost. You know that, don't you? In a few minutes Sovereign will have full control of all the Citadel's systems. The relay will open. The Reapers will return."

"Not if I can help it!" Shepard shot back, yelling over Liara's shoulder.

"You survived our encounter on Virmire. But I've changed since then. Improved. Sovereign has upgraded me." Saren's eyes began to glaze over as he spoke, and it seemed as if he was talking more to himself then the squad from the Normandy. "You don't understand, Shepard. There is a place for organics in the new order. The Reapers need men and women of action. People like us."

Liara frowned and looked over at Ashley, who seemed equal parts confused and repulsed. "What the hell's he talking about?" the chief grumbled over the comm.

"I'm not sure," Liara replied.

"Sovereign recognizes your value. You've impressed it. Surrender to the Reapers and you will be spared. Join us and we will find a place for you," Saren said.

Ashley snorted and shook her head in disbelief. "You've gotta be _shitting _me."

Liara almost smiled at the chief's reaction, but was too disturbed by Saren's continued rant. He was speaking now of the symbiosis between organic and machine, of the union between flesh and steel, of the pinnacle of organic evolution that he now represented and could offer Shepard. He was clearly indoctrinated, just as her mother had been, but his transformation seemed much more perverse. The way he spoke about it was almost sexual in nature, and her mind immediately went to last night with Shepard. She thought of the beauty of their union, of two souls truly becoming one, and to somehow equate that with what Saren had become was enough to make her stomach churn.

Liara glanced over at Shepard, who appeared more bored than anything else. "Blah, blah, blah," the commander muttered, unslinging her sniper rifle. She whipped her head around several times, evaluating their surroundings, then ducked down and spoke into the comm link.

"Alright. Chief, Liara - keep him busy. I'll swing around and try to get to that console," Shepard said.

Ashley nodded in acknowledgement, but Liara's gaze snapped over to the commander. "You are not going alone!" she hissed, more harshly than she originally intended. Her blue eyes flashed.

Shepard reached out, cupping Liara's cheek in a gloved hand and drawing the asari closer, their foreheads almost touching. The gesture was undeniable tender, despite the feel of the rough material against her skin.

"I'll be right back," Shepard said firmly, in a tone that Liara had no choice but to believe. She swallowed once, hard, and then the human flashed her a crooked smile. "Save a dance for me, eh?" The commander darted away before Liara could respond, disappearing into a thick swirl of smoke.

Liara didn't have time to think, only react, as Saren shot overhead on his platform, lobbing biotic charges at both Ashley and herself. Liara spun around, then tore down the small flight of stairs and threw herself behind another planter. The lush tree overhead exploded in a burst of smoke and fire, showering her with sparks. She heard the bark of Ashley's assault rifle, and glanced up to see Saren veer sharply towards the chief. Liara balled her fist tightly, summoning what strength she had left, and launched a warp field at the turian's head. It was weak, far weaker than what she had the capability of producing, but it was just enough to distract Saren. Ashley rolled away quickly, firing short, controlled bursts that pinged off Saren's shields. Liara copied Ashley's movements; adding her own volley of fire before relocating and waiting for her biotics to recharge.

The fight continued in much the same fashion; with both of them darting and ducking behind cover, popping up to shoot again, then hiding once more. It was enough to keep Saren slightly off-balance, but from what Liara could tell, they had yet to deal any real damage. She was running low on thermal clips, and every biotic attack she threw was weaker than the one before. Liara wondered, again, how much longer she could be effective. She gritted her teeth, fighting against both the fatigue that was weighing her down and the gnawing concern she felt whenever Shepard was out of her sight for too long.

In retrospect, Liara hadn't known what to expect when the human dashed away; her experience serving on the Normandy had prepared her for any number of explosions, blasts, or detonations from her remarkably imaginative commander. But this time, all she heard was a soft, barely audible pop. Saren staggered, his talons coming up to grip at his neck. She heard the sound again, and the turian spun around violently. He swayed and then looked he was suspended in midair, barely keeping his footing on the platform, his piercing eyes wide with shock. Saren stayed upright for a long moment, longer than he had any right to, then finally fell.

Liara looked in the direction of where the shots had originated, but couldn't see anything through the choking haze of smoke. Shepard's voice came over the comm.

"Make sure he's dead."

* * *

><p>Shepard clambered down from the overhang she had secluded herself in, one hand tightly gripping her rifle as she used the other to navigate through the debris Saren's geth had left behind. She couldn't resist a smirk as she wondered what the Council would think of the new renovations to their chambers. She particularly enjoyed the thought of Sparatus's ever-affronted visage as he viewed the damage.<p>

She leapt down from a small ledge and landed with a huff, then sprinted towards the control console. She tossed a glance towards where Saren had fallen, and felt a surge of relief as she caught a flash of blue carefully descending through the skylight to investigate.

Shepard slapped the controls as she skidded to a stop, then began scanning the readout. She had control of all the Citadel's systems; all she needed to do was figure out how to open the arms and unleash the fleet against Sovereign. She made a few taps, then opened a comm channel. A panicked voice suddenly filled the chamber, the speaker's desperation evident even as the transmission was breaking up.

_...Destiny Ascension! Main drive off line, kinetic barriers down 40%! The Council is on board, I repeat, the Council is on board!_

Shepard shook her head, and her jaw began to twitch . Christ.

_Normandy to the Citadel, Normandy to the Citadel! Is that you, Commander?_

"I'm here, Joker."

_We got that distress call, Commander. We can save the Ascension. Just unlock the relays around the Citadel and we'll send the calvary in._

Shepard stiffened. Fuck the Council. Why should she waste human lives saving them? The obstinate triad had fought her every step of the way, even before she had been made a Spectre, and had turned a blind eye to Saren's actions even when the evidence was insurmountable. How many people would still be alive had they acted sooner? Her thoughts immediately turned to Kaidan and Virmire, to Benezia, to Feros. Her hands clenched into fists. As far as she was concerned, the Council was complicit in all of those deaths.

But then a small voice creeped into her head. It felt foreign and unfamiliar, like it hadn't originated from her, but despite that Shepard knew the truth in what it was saying. This was bigger than humanity, bigger than her anger. The Reapers were real, they were coming, and it would take the combined might of the all the species in the galaxy to defeat them. As much as she hated to admit it, she would need the Council if they were to present any sort of united front. Shepard sighed, and her hands loosened. She felt a cool, calming presence in the back of her mind, and the familiar tingle that started in the base of her skull -

_What's the order, Commander? Come in now, or hold back?_

Shepard blinked, and the feeling vanished as quickly as it arrived. The commander leaned forward, bracing herself against the console. She hoped she knew what the hell she was doing. "Opening the relays now, Joker. Save the Ascension."

_Roger that._

She kept the comm link open, listening as the human fleet engaged Saren's ships, wincing with each hit the ships took. Suddenly, the platform she was on began to shake, and a blinding beam of light shot out of the hole in the skylight. The emergency lighting flickered precariously, and jagged shadows from the broken glass danced ominously around the chambers. The platform buckled and twisted, throwing Shepard to her knees, and a deep, menacing rumble began coursing through the entire Presidium.

"Shepard! Get down here!"

"Chief! What the hell's going on?" Shepard struggled to regain her footing as the ground beneath her lurched. She was thrown onto her backside, then began sliding down towards the lower level as the platform rose to a near ninety degree angle. Shepard flung herself off at the last moment, just as the entire structure collapsed and fell into the lower levels of the Presidium. She landed heavily on a set of stairs, grimacing as the concrete jabbed into her ribs. She scrambled to her feet, scooping up her sniper rifle, and ran towards the skylight. Blood began thundering in her ears, nearly drowning out the shouts and gunfire echoing over the comm.

The station shook again and the vibrations reverberated through Shepard's core. She hit the deck, sliding on her hip to the edge of the skylight. She dug her boots into to the grating, stopping her momentum, then gracelessly flopped forward onto her knees. The sniper rifle came up instantly, but as she peered through the scope, she couldn't begin to process what she was seeing.

Saren's flesh had been stripped from his body, leaving behind a skeleton of cybernetic implants that glowed a hellish red. Shepard could see the gaping hole in the back of his skull, and knew there was no way the turian was moving on his own accord. Shepard thought she was watching a grotesque puppet show, with Saren a marionette being tossed about by a deranged handler. Liara and Ashley were on the far side of the atrium, pinned down by the impossibly massive biotics charges Saren - or what was left of him - was generating. Every time one of them emerged to unleash a burst of fire, Saren danced away, moving faster than anything Shepard had ever seen before.

The commander wasted no time. She brought up one knee to brace her elbow against, leveled her rifle, and fired. Saren darted away, and the round struck the ground harmlessly. The turian turned and sent a charge directly at Shepard's head. She barely had time to duck and roll away, feeling the singe of pure energy as it flew just over her. She deftly brought the rifle up and fired again.

Miss.

Duck. Roll. Reload.

Another miss.

Now Shepard was getting nervous. Ashley's voice, which usually sounded excited during battle, had risen a full octave. Liara's, always so calm and steady, was now panicked and hoarse. A feeling of sheer terror began clawing at Shepard's throat. She was on her last thermal clip. Exhaustion was finally claiming her. She was slow and sluggish, her biotics were failing...

Wait.

She wasn't a biotic.

Mind reeling, Shepard threw herself onto her back just as another charge sailed overhead. Those feelings were coming from _Liara_. The commander had no idea how such a thing could be possible, and although the realization was staggering, she didn't have time to investigate why it was occurring. She tried to quell the anxiety rising within her, forcing herself not to think about the danger Liara was in. Instead, she forced herself to take deep, slow breaths, trying to slow her heart rate even as Saren kept up his relentless assault.

Shepard thought back to her training, to the tedious drills and endless range sessions, the techniques she honed and sharpened even before N7 recruited her, the marksmanship records that made Ashley green with envy. She had been broken down then rebuilt to be a machine, to control the fundamentally human part of her, the heaving pulsing and rapid breathing that assured her she was still alive. But now, that programming was beginning to falter as she tasted Liara's fear like it was her own. She continued breathing in through her nose and out of her mouth, as she suddenly remembered something.

It was a trick she had stumbled across during her time at Fort Upham. Years later, she couldn't remember the exact circumstances of its discovery, and didn't want to reflect upon why it was so effective. Shepard only cared that it worked in those moments when everything else failed.

She rolled into her stomach, propped herself up on her elbows, and looked through the scope. She closed her eyes, exhaled deeply, then slowly opened her eyes again. Quietly, she began to speak.

"It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect..."

The words washed over Shepard as she voiced them, steadying her nerves and focusing her vision to a razor sharp clarity. She no longer registered the cries of her crew, or the chatter of the fleet as it engaged Sovereign. All she sensed were the sounds of her measured breathing, the deliberate rhythm of her own heartbeat, the cool metal of the stock as it pressed into her cheek.

"He maketh my feet like hinds' feet, and setteth me upon my high places..."

Everything slowed. Saren's movements became less spastic. More predictable. The rifle barrel turned as it followed the turian's path.

"He teacheth my hands to war, so that a bow of steel is broken by mine arms..."

Saren leapt towards the far wall, dodging one of Liara's warp attacks. His talons were outstretched. They glittered brightly despite the dim emergency lighting. Her finger tensed.

"Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation; and thy right hand hath holden me up, and they gentleness hath made me great."

The round struck Saren just as he touched the wall, impacting the back of his shoulder. He lost his grip and slid down, landing roughly on the ground. He turned, looking up at Shepard with an expression of utter outrage, what remained of his mandibles flaring wildly. His head snapped back with an audible crack as another round tore through his skull again, exiting cleanly and striking the wall behind him. Then were two more, in quick succession, slamming into his chest. Saren slumped backwards, shuddering as sparks flew out of his implants. He seized as he released one final electrical discharge, and the glow from his upgrades finally faded away.

And then there was nothing.

Shepard watched as Ashley and Liara slowly emerged from their cover, cautiously stepping towards the smoking corpse. Ashley kicked at it once, twice, her rifle pointed squarely at Saren's face. Only when it was clear that the Spectre would not rise again did she back away, gesturing towards Liara. They both lowered their weapons and looked up at the hole in the skylight.

Shepard stood, clutching her rifle, and slowly raised one hand. Ashley returned the wave, but Shepard didn't respond; instead, her blazing blue eyes were fixed on Liara. Shepard could see plainly the thick layers of dirt and grime covering her high cheekbones and delicate curve of her jaw. Even though her shoulders were slumped forward in complete exhaustion, she was giving Shepard a broad, dazzling smile and her crystal eyes shone with pride.

_Sovereign is down! Sovereign is down!_

Liara's eyes widened, and Shepard spun around to look above her. She turned back around, and barely had time to yell before the everything became black.

* * *

><p><em>The weight was unbearable.<em>

_It pressed down on her, in the darkness, unforgiving and relentless. She was surrounded by it, and felt as it slowly began consuming her. She knew it was dead; she watched it disintegrate then fall, but somehow it was still alive. It pulsated and writhed above her as it continued to force itself on her, through her, to her very core. Each breath she took wasn't expelled by her lungs, but rather torn from her, as the darkness reached into her mouth, past her teeth and down her throat, grasped the oxygen and pulled it out of her throat._

_She was choking, slowly, horribly, and soon the darkness above her would take what was left. She would be reduced to nothing, disintegrated, all while she heard sweet whispers in her ear, telling her that had a made a mistake, that she should have joined them, that everything that every mattered will burn..._

Shepard jerked awake violently, and her body immediately seized in pain. She inhaled sharply, trying to breathe through the ache, and made an attempt to assess her surroundings. The commander was assailed by a wave of nausea the instant she lifted her head. A bright light flashed over her, and the sickness worsened. She closed her eyes and let her head fall back with an audible groan.

And then she heard the voice, so soothing and perfect it made Shepard ache. The voice that was usually soft, and yet could convey such determination.

The voice that cut through everything and always brought her back.

"Evan, be still."

Shepard opened her eyes again, slowly this time, and she could see that she was in Normandy's medbay. Chakwas was hovering above her, running a scanner over her battered form and clucking disapprovingly at what had to be a growing litany of injuries. Shepard felt the weight of another on the bed, and gingerly turned her head to find Liara sitting next to her, a broad but relived smile on her face. The human grinned weakly, then tried to sit up again when she realized something was restricting her movements. She looked down and saw that her left leg was in traction, encased in a stasis field that was being generated by two curved cylinders that stretched the length of her calf. Thin tubing wrapped around her knee and had been inserted into both the joint and calf muscle; one to allow wound drainage, and one to pump an icy solution throughout to reduce swelling. Shepard groaned again, this time in aggravation, and struggled to push herself up further so she could get a better view of her mangled leg.

Liara reached out and placed her hand on Shepard's chest, exerting a gentle pressure downward that kept the human in place. "Evan, please. You will injure yourself further."

Shepard flopped back down with an exaggerated pout of defeat, and was immediately rewarded with another wave of pain. She exhaled slowly, through gritted teeth, and focused instead on the sensation of Liara's cool touch on her heated skin.

"What happened?" Shepard asked.

"A damn Reaper fell on your head, that's what happened," Chakwas replied gruffly, still frowning at the results of her scans. "I expect you'll make a full recovery, although it will take some time. You have a rather major concussion, a basilar skull fracture, several broken ribs, a collapsed lung, and, somehow, managed to not only fracture both bones in your lower leg, but shred every one of your knee ligaments in the process." Chakwas stopped her ranting long enough for a thoughtful look to cross her face. "Although, I should probably thank you. I haven't had to rebuild an entire joint since medical school. I needed the practice."

Shepard sighed heavily at the doctor's report and her eyes flicked over to the device holding her leg in place. Despite Chakwas's formidable skill, Shepard knew that it would take time to rehab from such a traumatic injury. Time she wasn't sure they all had anymore.

The commander looked over at Liara. "Are you - ?"

Liara immediately cut her off. "I am fine. Chief Williams and I only sustained minor injuries. We were shielded from most of the debris that crashed into the Presidium." Her eyes darkened suddenly, and her usually full lips became drawn into a thin line. "You, however, were caught out in the open. It is remarkable that you were not injured more severely." She spoke softly, making slow circles with the thumb that was still resting on Shepard's chest.

"It took the rescue crews several hours to dig you out and you've been unconscious for nearly a day," Chakwas added, which only seemed to add to Liara's distress. "And I think it's bloody well time you wore a damn helmet."

Shepard scowled, but Liara grinned slightly at the remark, so she let it pass. Shepard brought her left hand up to cover the asari's, pressing her hand into her chest, hoping Liara could feel the steady beat of the human's heart beneath her palm. Liara glanced away shyly for a moment, then looked back into Shepard's eyes.

Out of the corner of her eye, the commander could see Chakwas smiling. The medical officer quickly finished her scans. "Get some rest, Commander," said she pointedly, eyeing both Shepard and Liara. "I'll be back to check on you later." She turned and deftly exited the med bay.

Shepard looked back at Liara. She lifted her right arm, allowing Liara to move closer, and then lowered it back down onto the asari's lap. "Hey," she said quietly, hugging Liara's slender waist.

"Hey," Liara responded in kind. She moved her hand from Shepard's chest and began lightly stroking the human's arm. Shepard tensed instinctively as Liara's fingers brushed over bright ink and puckered, damaged skin. She didn't stop, though, and Shepard relaxed into her touch.

"I'm sorry if I scared you," Shepard said, their eyes meeting.

"I was not scared. I knew you were still alive," Liara replied. Her cheeks darkened at the admission.

"Yeah, I can..._feel_ you." Shepard frowned, unsure of how to describe what she had experienced during their battle with Saren. "What's going on, Li?"

Liara glanced away, seemingly embarrassed. Her fingers tightened around Shepard's forearm. "I am not sure. Such connections are not unheard of, but they usually occur between bondmates of several years, if not decades. I - I cannot explain it. I hope you do not find it upsetting."

"No, I don't, actually." The corner of Shepard's mouth twitched upwards. "So...can you read my thoughts?"

"Oh no no! Nothing like that." Liara waved the hand that wasn't gripping her human's arm. "It is only when you are experiencing a very strong emotion, such as anger or fear. And I believe that is the same for you."

Shepard nodded. "That's right. I could feel how exhausted you were."

Liara smiled wanly. "And I felt how steady you were, even when Saren had us cornered." She cocked her head, as if she had just remembered something. "You were praying," she remarked in surprise. "I heard you over the comm."

Now it was Shepard's turn to be embarrassed. She looked away and awkwardly scrubbed at the back of her neck. "Yeah."

"It calms you." Liara spoke with a slight glint in her eye, as if she had discovered a new piece to a puzzle she had been unable to solve. "You learned that from your mother," she added quietly.

Shepard didn't answer, instead keeping her gaze trained past Liara to the far wall of the med bay. She didn't move until she felt the tips of Liara's fingers underneath her chin, gently turning her head as the asari leaned forward and pressed their lips together. The effect was immediate. Shepard opened up, her anxiety forgotten, and her hand began trailing up Liara's side to pull her closer. When they parted, Shepard let out a long breath. Despite the pain coursing through her entire body, despite the crew she had lost, despite everything she had been though, she felt more at ease now in this infirmary with Liara next to her, then she ever had before.

"So, what now, Doctor?" Shepard asked with a crooked grin.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you did say you would be with me until the end." Shepard's grin widened. "Looks like we got the bad guy, saved the universe, the council, and the Citadel...what else is there to do ?" Even though she spoke flippantly, a dark look flashed over her face for a brief moment.

Liara smiled, understanding the meaning behind Shepard's words. She leaned forward again, lightly brushing her fingers against the human's cheek. Her eyes sparkled.

"I think this is just the beginning, Commander."


End file.
